


The Amazon Diaries

by zwischenimmerundnie



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: 80s, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Photographer, Amazon forest, Closeted Character, Diary/Journal, M/M, Mutual Pining, book author, expedition - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 80,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24525988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zwischenimmerundnie/pseuds/zwischenimmerundnie
Summary: When best selling author Armie Hammer was approached to join an expedition across the Amazon, he thought the experience would give him a new wave of inspiration for his books. What he did not expect was that by agreeing to do this, he would end up finding someone that challenged him, made him question the decisions of his past and reconsider the ideas he had for his future.
Relationships: Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer
Comments: 241
Kudos: 210





	1. Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! Here we are with a brand new adventure, one which I am extremely excited to share with you all.  
> And before we get going with the story, let me tell you one little thing about it. When I first approached this story, it was supposed to be told in a diary form, but I then chose to do something a little different; while here you have the story as you are already used to see from me, if you go to [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) tumblr page, you will find the diary entries that Armie will be writing throughout the whole expedition. There are some entries there already, things that happened prior to the trip and are not exactly importante, but can help in understanding a little bit more of his characater, so make sure to check that one out.  
> Hope you enjoy the story.

**Manaus, Amazonas, Brazil.**

**January 3rd, 1985.**

  
  


The wooden floor creaks with every step that he takes, the noise echoing in the dark and humid corridor. He stops in front of the door, watching in silence as the man bends his knees to take a better look at the lock, forcefully twisting the key. The door opens to reveal a rather spacious bedroom, although nearly empty, except for two single beds, a writing desk and a small closet.

Standing by the door, he scans the place with his blue eyes, his hand running through his blond hair. He knows this is not the type of place that would please many people, but he has seen far worse places to complain. Not only that, he wouldn´t be spending much time there anyway, amenities were not a priority right now.

Maybe not having much would be a good thing considering how he would spend the next fifteen days of his life stuck inside a forest.

"This is your bedroom, Mr. Hammer. Is simple, but we hope it is to your liking."

"I don´t need much more than a bed to lie on, Mr. Soares."

"I´ve heard you are a man of simple manners."

"I try to be."

Mr. Soares nods, gestures around the room and smiles at his guest.

"We´ll leave tomorrow at first light."

"I´ll be ready."

"If you need anything, you can contact us."

"Thank you very much."

In silence, Armie watches as the man exits the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He exhales, turning on his heels as he inspects the bedroom for a second time.  _ It will do just fine _ , he thinks to himself, throwing his bag over to one of the beds before kicking off his sneakers and unbuttoning his shirt, which he leaves it at the headboard.

He walks over to the small balcony, opening the curtains to let the air in. He has never experienced such a hot day in his life, but from time to time a cool breeze seems to hit and ease the excruciating sensation. He watches the city below him, vibrant on its own way, but strangely calm for a capital.

He walks back inside, closes the curtains and throws himself on the bed, his eyes up to the ceiling as he allows his body to relax. After all the hassle he went through to get there, all he needs right now is to get some rest. Shower and food can wait a little bit longer. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Armie awakes with the sound of footsteps in the bedroom, which instantly causes him to sit up, big blue eyes looking around the place in search of anyone. He sighs once he notices there´s no one there, relief taking him over as he realizes it was probably just his sleepy mind playing tricks on him.

He stretches his arms out, rolls his shoulders and takes a couple of deep breaths, getting his body and mind back in synchrony. As he pushes himself up, the sound of the water running takes over the bedroom and he frowns, rather confused. Armie was never the one to believe in ghosts, but judging by how old that hotel seemed to be, he wouldn´t be surprised if someone told him it was haunted.

_ Don´t be stupid _ , he mumbles to himself while shaking his head. He takes a couple of steps forward, straightening out his body as he reaches closer to the bathroom door, ready to face whatever awaits him there. He pushes the door open, stopping immediately as he comes face to face with another man, who stares back at him with wide eyes.

"Oh, you´re awake."

"Who are you?"

"I´m your roommate for the night."

"My roommate?," Armie asks bewildered as the young man nods his head repeatedly. He is clearly in his early twenties, his hair is a mess of dark brown curls and as he stops to think about, has a light french accent. "I´m sorry, but who exactly are you?"

"Timothée Chalamet," he says rather nonchalantly, an easy smile on his face. "I´m also going on the Amazon expedition and since there were not many rooms available at the hotel, Mr. Soares decided to pair us together."

"I had not been warned about that."

"Well, he did try, but you were asleep and he wasn´t sure he should wake you up. But I told him I´d make sure to explain everything once you were awake."

"Of course," Armie nods, still a bit overwhelmed with the whole scenario. "I´m sorry I barged into you like this, I´ll leave you to do whatever you were doing."

Timothée nods, that easy smile still plastered on his lips. Armie stares at him for a couple seconds more then takes a step back, closing the bathroom door. He frowns, his eyes down to the floor as his mind adjusts to the news. Sure, it isn´t anything out of this world, but he still wished things were handled in a better way.

_ It´s just for one night _ , he tells himself while walking back to his bed, reaching for his backpack and taking a few items of clothing from it. He takes off his shirt, fumbles with his hair and then walks over to the balcony, peeking through the curtains.

The Sun is starting to set, a beautiful shade of orange taking over the sky as people walk around the streets. It´s a picture perfect moment and Armie can´t help himself. He reaches for his sketchbook and a pencil, leans against the wall and starts sketching away, immortalizing the beautiful sight in front of him into a drawing.

The creak of the door opening catches his attention and he looks over his shoulder, watching as Timothée emerges from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and water dripping from his bare chest. His eyes wander down his body, but as always, Armie makes sure he is subtle.

"This hotel might not be the best, but that shower sure is splendid."

"You´re not from here, are you?," Armie bluntly asks, his eyes meeting Timothée´s.

"I'm pretty sure most of us aren´t from here," he fires back with a shrug. "But if you´re talking about the sort of accent that seems to come out from time to time, it is because I´ve been living in France for the last five years and I haven't spoken much English."

"But you're not French?"

"I was born in America, but my dad is French and we were there almost every summer,” he explains with a shrug. “Give me two days and you will probably forget about this sort of weird accent of mine.”

Armie furrows his eyebrows, but is unable to control the little side smile that forms on his lips. This man has just met him, yet he is basically pouring out his life to him.

"You okay, man?"

"Yes, I´m okay."

"Oh, alright."

Armie chuckles, but it's so low he can barely hear himself. Taking one last look at Timothée, who´s now busy looking through his backpack, Armie reaches for his towel and heads to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He takes off the rest of his clothes, steps into the shower and allows the cold and abundant water to fall down his naked body, a loud sigh escaping him.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The cool breeze of the night blows through the balcony door, the city lights all slowly turning on as Armie sits on the bed, papers and notebooks scattered around him, while his fingers move quickly along a piece of paper, scratching something. He looks up for a brief second, his blue eyes attentive to the city that seems to come alive at this time of night.

By this time the next day, he will be stuck in the middle of the forest, with absolutely no communication to the outside world, surrounded by trees, plants, animals and the sky. He smiles to himself, turns his attention back to the piece of paper in his lap and goes back to scratching, keeping his mind occupied.

He hears the creak of the door opening, footsteps approaching him, but doesn´t dare to look up until he can nearly feel the hot breathing on his face. He looks up startled, wide eyes staring up at Timothée, who has a little smug look upon his face.

"You alright?"

"I was until you practically threw yourself on top of me."

Timothée chuckles, his curls bouncing with the movement of his body. He plows himself down on the bed, eyes up to the ceiling and hands tapping on the mattress.

"Mr. Soares is organizing a dinner for us all," he announces as Armie arches an eyebrow. "He said he will call us once it´s time to get down. Apparently he wants us to get to know each other a little bit better before the expedition starts tomorrow, which seems like a reasonable idea. We´ll leave tomorrow knowing who to stay away from, in case we don´t feel like killing one another."

Armie sets the paper and pencil down, his eyes stuck on Timothée, who seems completely unaware of his stare. He allows a quirky smile to come to his lips, then shakes his head.  _ You´ve been paired up with a very strange man, Hammer. _

"What?"

"Huh?," he asks confused as Timothée starts at him with inquisiting eyes. "What did you say?"

"I asked what," he answers. "You were staring at me and I would like to know why."

"You´re a peculiar man, Chalamet."

"Should I take that as a compliment?"

"Yes, you should."

"Good then, I like being complimented."

Armie nods, before his attention falls back to his bed and the mess he has made. He sighs, gathers all his books and notebooks together, then shoves them in his backpack. He can feel Timothée´a stare throughout the whole thing, but chooses to remain in silence. Different from Timothée, Armie isn´t used to blurting out things about his life to everyone.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Leaned against the hotel´s front door, with the murmuring of the other guests talking behind him, Armie stares at the quiet street ahead of him, glimpses of the City Theater in the distance. He takes a sip of his Coke, tongue tracing his lip afterwards as he hears footsteps approaching.

He would look over his shoulder, but he has an idea of who it is, so he stays still and simply waits. Soon enough, Armie hears a voice behind him, one he hasn´t heard much, but has already become quite familiar with.

"I recognized your name from somewhere, but I was having trouble remembering exactly why."

"Did you solve the mystery?"

"You´re the mystery writer," Timothée says with a grin. "I´ve read some of your books."

"And what have you thought of them?"

"They are compelling and intriguing, one of those books that keep you hooked until the very last page."

"Well, that´s nice to hear."

"I´m sure you heard far best than that."

Armie shrugs, turning to face Timothée, his back now against the wall.

"I have heard all kinds of things about my books, from the most beautiful, heartwarming compliments, to dreadful words that left me feeling like garbage."

"Well, that´s sad to hear. No one should hear such things, no matter if their work is appealing or not for us."

"I'm afraid critics don´t feel the same way."

Timothée smiles slightly, gives a quick nod and then looks out of the door, watching the city. He inhales deeply, eyes closed for a brief moment before turning back to Armie.

"Is this why you´re so quiet? I mean, because you write mysteries, you like to be one too?"

"I´m not a mystery, Mr. Chalamet. I´m simply not as open to everyone as you seem to be."

"Which probably means you´re hiding something."

"All of us are."

Timothée scoffs, shaking his head. He points over to the glass Armie is holding and arches an eyebrow, smiling once he hands it to him, taking a sip straight afterwards.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?"

"I wouldn´t have accepted to go on this whole thing if I was excited."

"Okay. Are you afraid?"

"A little bit, of course. We´ll be wandering the Amazon, I would be a crazy man if I wasn´t scared."

"True," a moment of silence and Timothée hands the glass back to Armie. "My parents tried to stop me from coming, but I wouldn´t have it. This will probably be the best and most exhilarating experience of my life, I couldn´t let it slip through my fingers."

"What are you?"

"Huh?"

"There are photographers, doctors, exotic animals experts, botanists and other writers like me. What are you?"

"A photographer... and an animal enthusiastic."

"A nice combination."

Timothée shrugs, a gentle smile on his face as he lets out an exasperated sigh. "I think I´m done for the day. Good night, Mr. Hammer."

"Good night, Mr. Chalamet."

"Try not to make too much noise when you go to the bedroom."

"You don´t have to worry."

Timothée gazes at him for a whole minute, a smile that can only be described as malicious on his lips.

"Good night."

"Good night."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The hotel has gone completely quiet and Armie´s footsteps on the hallway are the only sound one can hear. It seems fitting that the mystery writer is the one wandering the old and dark hotel at night, almost a subject of his own literary world. He takes one last sip of his Coke before stopping by the door of his bedroom, which he opens slowly, trying his best not to make much noise.

The door creaks anyway, but Armie manages to make it inside without having to open it all up. He stops by the door and takes off his shoes before crossing the bedroom, placing the glass down on the small work desk. He sits down on the edge of his bed, yawns and then rubs his face, sleep finally catching up.

He looks over his shoulder, his eyes finding Timothée in the darkness of the bedroom. He is only in his boxers, legs spread wide and sheets falling down the edge of the bed. His curls are covering most of his delicate face, but Armie still can see his pink lips, slightly open as he gently snores.

Not entirely sure why, Armie stares at him for a while, then pushes himself up, takes off his shirt and heads over to the bathroom. He takes a quick shower, puts on some clean clothes and then heads straight to bed, although his eyes remain wide open for minutes. His mind is racing, excited for the new experiences he is about to go through and although he knows he must be up in a matter of three hours, he simply can´t find the strength to get some sleep.

He sits back up, reaches for his backpack and takes a notebook and a pencil off of it. He turns on the lamp by his bed, opens the notebook and starts writing, transcribing the thoughts that keep clouding his mind into words in a paper, which he will definitely use as inspiration once he is back to New York, stuck in his small little studio apartment, trying to come up with his next best seller.

**_January 3rd, 1985_ **

_ We arrived in Manaus, the capital of Amazonas, this afternoon… _


	2. Expedition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m glad to hear you have enjoyed the first chapter, hopefully you´ll enjoy our journey.  
> Don´t forget to check [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) on tumblr for more content and learn a bit more about Armie.

_ Good nights of sleep are overrated _ , Armie mocks himself as he slowly comes out of his slumber, his restless body moving around the bed. He keeps his eyes closed for a moment, taking in the sounds around him. There is the faint sound of water running in the shower, then the familiar creak of the door and finally footsteps, which seem to stop just near his bed.

Timothée is clearly already wide awake and ready to face their new adventure, but Armie wishes he could have a couple more minutes to himself, relax his body and mind before embarking on this new chapter of his life. He sighs, rubs his eyes and finally sits up on the bed, eyes wide open as he notices a completely naked Timothée standing in between their beds.

Armie swallows drly, his eyes unable to maintain their gaze on anything else other than the dripping wet body that stands just a couple feet away from him. He bites his lip, hard enough to almost taste blood, his blue eyes wandering further down each second as a lump forms on his throat.

He tries to think of something he could do, anything that would make the situation a little less embarrassing or uncomfortable. Although, if he is standing butt naked in a bedroom he is sharing with a guy he just met, Armie doubts Timothée understands the concept of embarrassment.

He clears his throat and reaches for his glasses on the bedside table, putting them on before he reaches for his notebook again, opening in a new and blank page. He feels Timothée´s gaze on him as he starts writing and quickly looks up, doing his best to focus his eyes on his face and not the dangling penis that stands just at arms reach.

"Good morning, Hammer. You should get up and get ready, Mr. Soares said we´ll have a quick breakfast and leave at about five in the morning."

"No need to worry about me, Mr. Chalamet, I will make sure to be ready in time."

"If you say so."

Armie nods, a gentle smile on his face as he turns back to his notebooks and starts a new entry, although he isn´t exactly sure of what to write. Would an entry about his rather sleepless night be anywhere near interesting?

Quickly, Armie finds himself doing something he did not expect. And while Timothée wanders around the bedroom, collecting his things and stuffing them into his bag, Armie sketches him in a piece of paper, taking good care to make sure every little detail is accurate to reality.

Once he finally realizes what he has done, Armie stares at the drawing almost in disbelief, as if he had been possessed by something while drawing. He shakes his head, quickly closes the notebook and stuffs it inside one of his bags, reaching for another one afterwards. He takes clean clothes, grabs his towel and rushes to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

He steps under the shower, the cold water falling down his body and washing over any last trace of sleep he had in himself. He runs his fingers through his hair, rubs his face and looks around the bathroom, catching a quick glimpse at his reflection in the mirror.

How life changing is this expedition gonna be? He can´t wait to find out.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Armie can hear the murmur as he walks down the stairs, his long and elegant physique attracting the attention of a couple guests that wander around the hotel. He nods at a woman that passes him by, a gentle smile on his face as he enters the large room where breakfast is being served. He sees a long table by his left, filled with quite a vast quantity of food, going all the way from typical regional ones, to the very familiar fried bacon.

To his side, he catches a glimpse of the large round table reserved to the members of the expedition, where a couple of people already sit, sipping on their coffee. He can see Timothée there, talking eagerly and gesturing like a mad man, clearly unable to stand still for more than a minute. He recognizes a couple of faces, one or two writers he has crossed paths with, a photographer he has seen in one of his editor´s house parties, but most remain as strangers.

He turns on his heels, heads to the buffet and grabs himself a plate and a mug, filling it to the brink with steaming hot coffee. He looks through the variation of breads and takes one in his hands, analyzing it for a couple of seconds before placing it on his plate, along with eggs and some cheese.

One look around the room and then Armie makes his way to the table, taking a seat across from Timothée, who smiles over at him. He gives everyone a quick nod, then focuses his eyes down on his breakfast, slowly devouring every single crumb in his plate. He hears most of the conversation, paying good attention to what everyone says, but resorting to silence himself, unless directly asked something.

Little by little, Armie starts to understand a bit more about each of his companions, learning why they decided to go on the expedition and what exactly they expect from it. Suddenly he is aware that he wasn´t the only one who had his moments of doubt, but the consensus seems to be that the experience is more important than anything else.

Armie is the first to get up, excusing himself before exiting the room and heading back upstairs to his bedroom. He walks to the balcony, watching as the Sun starts to rise in the horizon and sighs, a mix of excitement and fear taking him over, the same butterflies he gets every time he starts a new novel.

He looks over his shoulder as he hears the creak of the door, gives Timothée a gentle nod and then turns his attention back to the streets of Manaus. He feels a presence approaching him, his body tenses up and when he finally locks eyes with Timothée, they are a lot closer than necessary. Personal space doesn´t seem to be something he cherishes very much.

"You intrigue me, Hammer."

"I do?"

"Your quietness seems a bit odd to me."

"What is odd about that?"

Timothée shrugs. "I don´t know, I just find it odd."

"You know what I find odd?," he asks as Timothée shakes his head. "Walking around naked in front of someone you don´t even know."

"Oh, so very american, aren´t you?"

Armie chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.

"I never had a problem with being naked in front of others. This is my body, I am okay with it and find modesty a little bit annoying."

"Is that so?"

"This is the 80´s, Hammer, nudity shouldn´t mean as much as it does."

The words seem to strike Armie in ways he did not expect, so while he remains speechless, he watches as Timothée smiles and turns on his heels, heading back inside the bedroom and reaching for his belongings.

"Mr. Soares is waiting for us downstairs, he said the car will be here in a couple of minutes."

"I´ll be there."

Timothée nods, swings a backpack over his shoulder and marches out of the bedroom, the creaking door slamming shut behind him. Suddenly, Armie seems to understand exactly what about Timothée intrigues him so much. His boldness and the way he seems so open about who he truly is; that´s the person Armie always wanted to be.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The village is colorful, but the houses are simple and the residents all look at them with great curiosity. As the car comes to a stop, they all quickly exit it, eyes roaming around the area. Armie has never seen anything like it before, but he makes sure to engrave every little detail, save it in the back of his mind for when he has the chance to sit down and sketch.

Fully absorbed by his surroundings, he barely hears the guide when he calls them out to the front, where a harbor-like area is built and a boat awaits for them. He rushes to join his companions, a serious and deeply focused stare as he listens to everything the man has to say.

They will be wandering through the Amazon for fifteen days, with absolutely no connection to the outside world, exposed to an incredible selection of birds, snakes, reptiles and a colossal number of exotic animals he has only ever heard of. He is excited about it, but he also wants to make sure he knows exactly what to do in case something happens. Although being stranded in a forest would certainly give him a lot of material for a new book, this is the last thing Armie wants it to happen to him.

He follows the group down the platform, a hand tightly holding onto the strap of his backpack, while the other holds onto his notebook. His eyes wander around, the color of the river intriguing, activating his imagination in ways it hasn't happened in years. Even if at some point there was doubt, Armie now knows agreeing to go on this trip was the best decision he made in a long time.

He spots a seat on the back of the boat and plows down on it, immediately opening his notebook and preparing a new entry. He doesn´t get to write anything though, since the pilot and the guide come together to pass out some more information. He nods at them, making it clear he understood it all, then smiles as the boat slowly strays from the platform, the sway of the river quite relaxing.

As the Sun starts to get high in the sky, Armie reaches for his sunglasses and puts it on, adjusting it on his face just as someone stands in front of him, creating a shadow. He looks up, not at all surprised to see who has decided to join him in the back, but still slightly confused on why someone like him would suddenly be so interested in him.

"Do you mind if I sit here with you?"

"Of course not," he responds, watching as Timothée throws himself down next to him, his fingers tapping on his backpack. Again, it´s pretty clear to Armie he can´t be still for more than a minute.

"This place is incredible isn´t it? I mean, it is so different from everything I have seen in America or France."

"It truly is an unique place," Armie agrees, while looking at all the trees that pass them by. "If only people would take care of it as it deserves."

"For the most intelligent species in the world, we´re still quite dumb."

Armie laughs and this time is an actual, genuine laugh that escapes him, causing Timothée to stare at him with wide eyes and a smile.

"What?"

"You have a nice laugh, should do it more often."

"Thank you."

"Okay, I need to ask you something."

Armie frowns suddenly, not entirely sure he likes where this is going.

"How you feel about sleeping in a hammock?"

The question surprises Armie, mostly because at this point he thought Timothée would address one of the rumors about him that he is sure everyone in the group has heard about. He remains quiet for a moment though, relief taking him over as he shakes his head.

"I am not sure I have an opinion about it yet. Would you mind asking me again tomorrow?"

Timothée chuckles. "So you do have a sense of humour, although a little weird one."

"What? My sense of humor is not clear in my books? I thought I was doing a good job with it."

Armie smiles gently and watches as Timothée stares at him with fond eyes, but a genuine mischievous smile.

"I like you, Hammer."

"Thank you, Mr. Chalamet."

"Are you seriously gonna call me Mr. Chalamet for the rest of this trip? It´s Timothée, simple as that."

"Okay, Timothée."

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Sure, I don´t see why not."

"Did your best friend really disappear after walking into an abandoned house when you were ten years old? Or is that some urban legend that was created around you, to make your books and life a little bit more intriguing?"

"Definitely a lie," Armie answers with a chuckle. "I didn´t have many friends growing up, but the ones I did have are all doing well."

"That's kind of a bummer."

"I´m sorry if my life isn´t as exciting as you thought it would be, Mr...," he trails off, shaking his head. "Timothée."

"That's not what I meant," he quickly says. "But it was an interesting story. I´m sure your life is full of exciting moments, like everyone else's."

"I'm sure it's not as exciting as yours."

He cocks an eyebrow, "and what makes you think my life is that exciting?"

"I´m a writer, my job consists of me sitting in a room, typing away. You´re a photographer, you need to be out in the world, seeing new things, meeting new people, freezing fragments of moments."

"But inspiration comes from the outside too, doesn´t it? This whole experience works as a way to unlock different ideas that might be stuck in the back of your head. Am I wrong?"

"No, not at all."

"Then you don´t get to say my life is more exciting than yours just because of my job."

Armie exams his expression, then nods. "Okay, you win."

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


There´s a distinguished sound the their footsteps make as they walk down the dusty pathway, leaves and flowers that fell from the trees scattered around the ground. Armie pays good attention to everything he sees and every sound he hears, gathering all in his memory to keep it for later. Through the years he has realized anything can be a source for inspiration.

They have been walking for almost twenty minutes already, diving deeper into the heart of the forest, watching as the world changes around them like in a movie. The city is gone, their only friends now the animals that surround them and themselves. A group of fifteen people from all over the world, paired up because of their love for adventure.

_ Maybe this can be the premise of your new book _ , Armie thinks to himself with a smile. Fifteen strangers wandering through the Amazon, some of them might go missing, a mystery has to be solved by the others to make sure not only they survive, but that they can find their way out.

"A penny for your thoughts," the voice seems far away as Armie is lost in thought, but once Timothée nudges his arm, he finally realizes it´s with him he is talking. "Wow, you´re really deep in those thoughts of yours, aren´t you?"

"I think I just came up with the idea for my new book."

"Can I have the exclusive?"

"I thought you were a photographer?"

"And maybe in my next life I´ll come back as a journalist for a famous magazine."

Armie frowns, looking at him with an amused expression.

"What?"

"Are you always like this?"

"It depends on what you mean."

"I mean...," he trails off, shrugging his shoulders. "I mean like you are being with me. So talkative and enthusiastic, ready to share a lot of yourself to others in such a short time."

"Is this still about me getting naked in the bedroom? I thought of all people here you'd be the least to complain about it," he blurts out, barely giving time for Armie to fully process what he said. "But if you really wanna know, I just think you´re a nice guy and I could use someone interesting to talk to around here. I mean, don´t get me wrong, people seem mostly fine, but some of the other photographers and writers can be a bit stuck up. And the specialists are always talking in very complicated terms, which makes me a bit confused, so you seemed like the best option."

"Wow, I´m flattered."

"Besides, maybe if I play my cards right I might end being a character in one of your books."

"So I´m not only your last option, but you're also trying to take advantage of me? I thought you were better than this, Mr. Chalamet."

"It´s Timothée."

"Of course, Ti-mo-thée."

"Ha ha, very funny."

"And you thought I didn't have a sense of humor," he smirks as Timothée smiles, his head down as he shakes it. "You asked me what I thought about sleeping in a hammock."

"Yes?"

"What crazy thing do you think they will make us eat after a couple of days stuck here?"

"I heard there's people who eat armadillos."

"Wow," Armie starts, clearly astonished. "That sounds...horrible."

"It does, but I would be willing to try."

Armie shrugs. "I´ve probably had it worse."

"I doubt it."

"You´re definitely not playing your cards right, Timothée."

"Oh shit," he feigns regret, hearing the faint sound of a laugh coming from Armie and smiles. He looks at him for a moment, averting his eyes when he looks in his direction. "So, for how long do you think they will make us walk? I'm getting tired."

"We´ve been walking for less than half an hour, if you can´t handle this, what makes you think you´re gonna handle the whole journey."

"Oh, it's the first day, give me a break."

"Have you taken any pictures yet?"

"More than I expected, to be honest. I´ll have a lot of work to do once I´m back in America."

"I thought you were living in France?"

"I was, but once this is over I´m going back to America for a while. I miss New York and I am sure the city misses me just as much."

"You´re from New York?"

"Yep," he nods. "And as much as I love Paris, there's no place like New York."

"Tell me about it."

"Oh right, you´re from there. I don´t know how I forgot about that."

"Probably because my life is very uninteresting."

"Maybe," Timothée says, completely ignoring Armie´s phrase. "Maybe we can hang out once we´re back, I´m sure we´re gonna have a lot of fun."

"You actually believe you´ll still want to talk to me once this is all over?"

"Wanna bet that by then I'll want to spend even more time with you?"

As Armie stares at him, caught completely off guard by his words, he hears someone shout Timothée´s name in the distance. He looks over his shoulder and then back at Timothée, who smiles and gives him a quick nod before rushing over to one of the other photographers.

Watching him from a distance now, Armie lets his words sink in and finally it dawns on him what he said earlier.  _ I thought of all people here you´d be the last to complain about it _ . 

What was that supposed to mean? 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The moon light shines bright and the stars have filled the sky, the sound of animals in the distance can be heard, but they have all been assured that as long as the small fire built to keep them warm stays on, no animal will come close. Their hammocks are all tied to the trees, all of them close by, to ensure their safety and guarantee one can take care of the other.

Despite the snake they encountered earlier in the day, this will be their biggest challenge so far. A whole night in the forest, at mercy of anyone and anything. If they can make it out of this, the rest of the trip should be easy. Lying down on his hammock, Armie stares into the sky, his notebook resting on his lap while he gently sways from side to side.

He can feel the warmth of the fire that burns just a couple of feet away from him, the sparks flying around. It´s been a couple of years since he has been so close to nature, but it feels good, refreshing and reinvigorating. One day in and he already feels different.

Timothée´s words earlier that day had kept ringing on his head, repeating themselves over and over again, like a record. He knew people had spread rumors about him, rumors he had always tried to keep it a bay, but he knew there was a big risk someone at the trip would have heard of them.

But despite that, despite the fear he had of someone looking at him differently because of who he truly was, Armie was most intrigued by the way Timothée spoke. For a moment it sounded almost as if he wanted Armie to see him naked.

_ One day here and you´re already going crazy _ , he tells himself while rubbing his eyes. He sighs, looks around the area and catches Timothée´s gaze. He smiles and waves, which Armie quickly reciprocates before reaching for his notebook and opening on the entry he started on that morning. There´s still nothing written there, but he sure has a lot in mind as he starts to scribe.


	3. Exotic Animals, Exotic People

The birds fly around as the Sun comes higher and higher in the sky, their chirping creating a sweet melody that echoes throughout the forest. The sounds awaken Armie, who moves around on the hammock, a low groan escaping him. He maintains his eyes closed for a moment more, trying his best to stretch himself out in the contained space he finds himself in.

When he finally opens his eyes, he is startled to find Timothée standing above him, his greenish eyes staring down at him while he smiles. It´s a tricky situation, while he can´t deny is slightly creepy, Armie would be lying if he said it wasn't a pleasant view to have early in the morning.

They stare at one another for a brief moment, then Armie sits down, a yawn escaping him as he runs a hand through his hair, pushing some of the strands back. He takes a quick look around their camp, then allows his gaze to meet Timothée´s, who stands just a few feet away from him. He cocks an eyebrow as he presents him with a mug, but takes it in his hand anyway, the smell of fresh coffee filling his nostrils and helping wash away the remains of sleep in him.

He takes a couple of sips, nearly moaning as the warm liquid slides down his throat. He nods in Timothée´s direction, then pushes himself up, a loud groan escaping him. His back hurts, which is no surprise considering the last time he slept in a hammock he was seven years old, so he stretches himself out, feeling every knot on his muscles come undone.

Once his eyes wander back to Timothée, Armie finds him bluntly staring at his naked chest, his lips tightly pressed together and a hint of a blush on his cheeks. Surprisingly enough, Armie finds himself both flattered and flushed by the situation.

Their eyes meet and while most people would probably try to deny their stare, make up an awkward or silly way out, Timothée doesn´t do anything, he simply stares back at Armie. For a moment it almost seems like he is daring Armie to say something, to call him out for what he did. But silence remains for a while longer, being broken only by Mr. Soares´s voice in the distance.

"Guys, we get back on the road in ten minutes. Finish your breakfast, pack your stuff and remember not to leave any food behind you."

Armie nods, then looks back at Timothée, who seems to sport that already familiar smile on his lips. Armie can only describe it as the perfect mix of innocence and malice, although he doubts there´s any bit of innocence left on Timothée.

"Thank you for the coffee, but I should get myself ready."

"Did you get a good night of sleep?," Timothée asks, his arm wrapped around the hammock´s rope. "I mean, you said you were not so sure you could get used to the hammock."

"The hammock itself wasn't a problem, but I´m having trouble sleeping the past couple of days, so I´m afraid it's gonna take me a while to get used to this schedule."

"Yeah. Waking up along with the Sun isn't exactly my idea of fun, but I guess there's no other option around here, right?"

Armie simply scoffs while shaking his head. From the corner of his eye, he can see the rest of the group moving along, packing their belongings and putting out the fire.

"You're not gonna pack your stuff?"

"I got all done already," he shrugs. "So if you need any help, I´m at your service."

Armie chuckles at first, but quickly senses a different tone to Timothée´s voice. He cocks an eyebrow, then looks up from the mug to Timothée, who by now has his camera up in his face, aiming at some nearby tree.  _ Is he doing what I think he is doing? _ , he asks himself, slightly confused. Is it possible that Timothée is bluntly flirting with him? Or is his writer's brain playing tricks on him and creating a whole new fantasy where he is the main character?

"Can I take your photo?"

Armie can clearly see his lips moving, but his voice sounds distant and disconnected. He blinks a couple of times, only to realize the fond look that had consumed Timothée.

"What did you say?"

"I said, can I take your photo?"

"Why would you do that?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

Armie´s words fail him and he remains in complete silence, although his eyes follow Timothée´s every move. He watches him take a couple of steps back, set up the camera and then raise it up to his face, a wide smile on his lips as he clicks on the small button at the top, the sound of the shutter breaking the silence between them.

"Perfect."

"Was it?"

"You´re photogenic, Hammer."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh please, the last time I checked there were still mirrors in New York."

Armie can´t help but chuckle, although he feels his cheeks burn in embarrassment. He's thirty years old, he had his fair share of affairs, but there's something about the way Timothée looks at him that is different from everything else he has ever experienced. And Armie has no idea of how to deal with it.

"I´m not gonna take more of your time, you should be getting ready."

"No, it's okay."

"Nah, I know I can be a bit distracting sometimes," he winks, then turns on his heels, walking away from Armie, his camera swinging from his shoulder.

Speechless, Armie follows Timothée with his eyes, watching as he joins the rest of the group, talking and laughing, his curls bouncing around. His eyes meet his once again and Armie swallows dryly, confusion and stress taking him over. Maybe if they were back in New York and Armie could seclude himself in his apartment, maybe then he could allow himself to do something. But not here, not in the middle of all these people.

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
  
**

Despite all the trees and nature that surrounds them, the heat only seems to get more intense, causing sweat to drip down their foreheads and backs. With his long sleeve shirt tied around his waist, Armie walks down the dirty pathway, his black t-shirt clinging into his body. He reaches for his water bottle, takes a long gulp and sighs, the cold liquid refreshing his body, although not enough to make the track any easier.

He looks around him, smiling softly at some birds that fly by him, their chirping mixing with the sound of other animals, creating a distinguished melody that he has never heard before. He runs his fingers through his hair, puffs out the air and then inhales deeply, keeping himself close to Mr. Soares.

As they come to a sudden stop, Armie cocks an eyebrow, looking over at Mr. Soares with curiosity. He points up, a cheeky grin on his face and Armie follows the direction of his finger, wide eyed as he sees a Golden Lion Tamarin on the top of the tree, his eyes distant.

Armie looks at the other members of the group, all of them staring up at the little animal, while the photographers aim their cameras at him, snapping millions of photographs. He expects Timothée to show up by his side any moment, a witty comment about the animal or something, but when nothing happens, Armie takes a quick look around, trying to spot him.

A few feet away from him, Timothée stands beside one of the botanists, his customary easy smile plastered on his face as he pays close attention to whatever the man is saying. Armie watches them for a brief moment, then turns his attention back to Mr. Soares, who explains a bit more about the animal and their surroundings.

"Okay, everyone, back to our track. We´re getting further down the forest, but we´ll make a stop by a glade, where we´ll be able to sit down for a snack and a swim."

Armie nods, takes another sip of water and quietly follows Mr. Soares through the trail, noticing how footprints can be seen from time to time. He senses someone coming closer and looks to the side; Catherine Willians, one of the exotic animal experts stands next to him, a smile on her pale lips.

"Mr. Hammer, I´ve been meaning to talk to you ever since I saw you back at the hotel. I absolutely love your books, your last one specially."

"Oh, thank you very much."

"Your stories are truly a breath of fresh air after a hard day of work. You have a way with words, a talent that other writers only wish they had."

"That's very kind of you, Ms. Willians."

"You can call me Catherine."

"Thank you, Catherine."

"When can we expect a new book?"

"I plan to start working on a new one as soon as we get back."

"Oh, then this might be your best book yet."

Armie smiles, shrugging his shoulders. "I can only hope so."

As Catherine is called by another fellow expert, Armie gives her a quick nod and turns his attention back ahead, following Mr. Soares down a narrow path, leaves and splinters brushing against his skin. He bites his lip as he sees a glade suddenly come to view, the grass incredibly green and in the distance a little pond.

They stop, dropping their backpacks down on the grass and kicking off their shoes. Armie is the first one to reach the pond, diving in and swimming until the other side. He comes out for air, pushes his hair back and allows a sigh to escape him.

He dives back in, giving powerful strokes as he comes and goes, feeling his body get heavier with each passing minute, but also relaxing his mind. He comes back out again, nearly jumping as he notices Timothée standing right beside him, a grin on his face.

"Did I scare you?"

"A little bit," he admits as Timothée chuckles.

"Did you think it was a piranha?," he smirks as Armie cocks an eyebrow, his head slightly tilted to the side. "I´m joking, I think there´s no piranhas here."

"I hope not, otherwise Mr. Soares might as well be trying to kill us."

"Oh, this might be a good plot for your next book."

"I´ll keep it in mind."

"Have you thought about making me a main character?"

"Maybe we'll all become characters."

"And who is gonna be the couple that makes it through all the trouble? You know every mystery has to have a bit of romance in it."

"I guess you didn't read my books then, because I barely ever write about romance."

"I know, but I thought this trip could inspire you to write something different."

Armie smirks, nodding his head slowly.

"I´ll think about it."

"Promise me?"

"Yeah, Mr. Chalamet, I promise you."

Timothée rolls his eyes, playfully punching Armie´s chest. "I told you to stop calling me Mr. Chalamet, didn´t I?"

"Sorry, I have an old soul."

"Yeah, I´ve noticed that."

"It's quite annoying, isn´t it?"

"It can be," he says, swimming even closer to Armie. "But I also find it quite attractive."

Armie feels his body tense up, heat emanating all over him as the hair on his body stands up. His mouth goes dry, the section of water in between their bodies closing in every second and his eyes can´t help but wander from Timothée´s eyes to his lip. He looks like a vision, the Sun hitting his pale skin and making it shine.

As Timothée reaches out to him with his hand, Armie can feel his whole body react to it and when his hand gently lays on his cheek, his finger brushing against his beard, Armie has to control every single fiber in his body not to reach out and take him in his arms.

"Mr. Soares says we only have about half an hour here," Timothée says, gesturing back to the grass with his chin. "Maybe we should grab something to eat."

"Yeah," he responds, his voice coming out a bit muffled. "That's probably a good idea."

Timothée smiles, ruffles his hair and then swims away from Armie, who remains in place. He buries his face in his hands, suddenly aware of where they are and how exposed they were to everyone else. He needs to control himself, make sure no one sees anything worth talking about. He has a career to take care of and every single editor that crossed his way has been clear, he is better off if people think he is straight.

He dives back in, stays still for a couple of seconds and then swims back to the edge, his elegant and long legs dragging him out of the pond and back to the land. His eyes quickly spot Timothée by a tree, his green eyes staring back at him, paired up with a mischievous smile. He counts to ten, looks around the glade to all the other people he could join, but ends up losing a battle with himself.

Slowly, with water still dripping down his body, Armie walks towards Timothée and takes a seat right beside him. He looks at him, serious and silent, but nods when Timothée hands him half a sandwich, which he gladly takes a bite of.

He should know by now, fighting off his own desires is pointless.

**  
  
  
**

* * *

Armie was instigated by Timothée, his presence caused a huge reaction on him, left him feeling confused and at times vulnerable. He clearly knew the rumors, probably had already figured out they were all true and was either playing with him to get a clear response, or he truly did it because he was interested. Armie had a hard time figuring out what was the true nature of Timothée´s proximity, but if there was one thing he knew, it was that he wanted to keep him close, despite how nervous he made him.

Maybe this nervousness was exactly what instigated Armie, because when Timothée was around him, he easily would find himself completely oblivious about everything else around him. And that didn´t happen often with him; in fact, it barely ever did. Armie was used to being in full charge of his emotions, hiding his true self from the world, but laying out hints through his writing. His characters had secrets themselves, all of them in some ways layers of himself.

Was it possible that this expedition would bring more than just inspiration to him? Could Armie find the strength to be himself within the further reaches of the forest? Could Timothée somehow be the key to everything else?

Confused and tired, Armie rests his back against one of the many trees around them, Mr. Soares voice seeming distant as he closes his eyes. He can feel the sweat dripping down his back, while his feet throb in pain and his mind spins in thoughts. He takes a couple of deep breaths, then slides to the ground until he is sitting. His eyes roam around, the photographers -Timothée included- all walking around, snapping photo after photo; the botanists paying close attention to every leave and plant they come across; the animal specialists trying to find trails and tracks that could lead to an interesting find and even the writers have found some sort of material. He remains as the only one quiet, coiled up with his own thoughts.

"Are you alright?," the voice causes him to look up at Ms. Willians, who looks down at him with kind eyes and a gentle smile. Her red hair is braided, although a few strands fly around with the breeze; her lips have absolutely no trace of lipstick, but he notices she doesn´t need it. She has that sort of natural beauty, a face that doesn´t require much. "You are quieter than normal."

"Just thinking."

She looks around and then sits right beside him, their elbows touching briefly.

"About your book?"

"No, not exactly."

"About our expedition?"

"More about myself than anything else."

"Those can be fatal," she admits as Armie gives her a worried look. "No need to look at me like that, Mr. Hammer, I am alright. But being caught up in thoughts about our lives, the ones we love and the ones we let it slip away can sometimes do more damage than anything else. We are often scared of what others will think, but I have learned that we are the ones who judge ourselves the harder."

Armie frowns, confused. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

"I don´t know," she shrugs. "But maybe those words can help you in some way."

"I am not sure anything or anyone can help me right now."

"We can always be helped," she insists as Armie stares at her, the worry on his face being replaced by one of fondness and thankfulness. "I have to go, I wanna talk to Mr. Soares before we start walking again. Please, tell me your feet are also throbbing."

"They certainly are," he says between chuckles. "I don´t think any of us was ready for this much walking... or the hammocks."

"Oh, I hate those things," as Armie laughs, Catherine stands up. "It was nice talking to you, Mr. Hammer."

"Likewise," he gives a quick nod and watches as she distances herself.

His eyes soon fall on Timothée though and he can´t help but scoff at himself. Timothée might have a strange hold on him, but he certainly isn´t forcing anything. Armie continuously searches for him in the crowd, always wishing he would hear his voice or feel his presence. He is drawn to him and the fact Timothée seems to be drawn to him as well doesn´t help. Slowly, it dawns on him that soon enough he might have to make a decision. Unleash his desires or keep his secrets hidden.

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
  
**

"...most of these animals don´t represent any kind of danger to us, but they can easily be triggered by our movements and loud voices. So walk slowly and keep your voices down, we´re reaching the area we´ll set camp for the night, there we´ll have more time and freedom to share our experiences."

The group nods, whispers going around as they resume their walk, leaves and flowers falling slowly to the ground, the faint sound of water in the distance. Some probably would say the forest is simply a collective of trees, but once you are in it, is nearly impossible not to notice the nuance of every tree, every bird and reptile. One thing feeds from the other, grows from the connections it has, makes the forest stronger, more powerful and definitely more beautiful.

In silence, Armie follows in the back, his head down as he watches a group of ants -probably the largest ones he has ever seen- run past his right foot. He smiles, his hand gently squeezing the sketchbook it holds, almost as if the gesture will remind him of drawing them later on.

From the corner of his eye, he spots Timothée a few feet away from him, completely still as he aims his camera up in the air. Armie follows his gaze, notices a flock of birds flying above them. Their colors and the length of their wings are incredible, the sweet and delicate sound they produce a melody that can enchant anyone willing to hear. He stares in awe, goosebumps all over his skin as the birds dance in the sky, a private show for them.

"They are beautiful, aren´t they?"

"Stunning," Armie replies as his eyes fall down on Timothée. "Did you manage to catch it?"

"I did."

"Something tells me you´ll go back home with an incredible arsenal of photos."

Timothée smiles proudly as he nods.

"Is this why you agreed on coming?," Armie asks while taking a step closer. "To document the place and build something around it?"

"Look at you, actually asking questions and not just stuttering around everything I say."

Armie can´t help but chuckle, his cheeks burning as he blushes. He ain't lying, he has mostly just stood there, allowing Timothée to take hold of the situation.

"But answering your question," Timothée starts. "I didn't plan any of this, but when the opportunity was presented to me, I couldn't say not to it."

"What were you supposed to be doing then?"

"Honestly?"

Suddenly Timothée´s expression is a lot more serious and Armie frowns, not used to seeing him like that.

"I don´t know."

"That's not the face of someone who doesn´t know."

Timothée smiles, but his eyes are down and his fingers are fiddling with the strap of his camera.

"You don´t have to..."

"My boyfriend of almost four years passed away last August," he finally says, raising his gaze to look at Armie. "We were supposed to move in together this year."

Armie´s eyes go wide and his lips quiver, unable to say anything back at Timothée.

"It's okay. I had my moment of grief, cried and screamed, but then I realized that was not the right way to live life. I know he wouldn´t have liked to see me that way."

"May I ask what causes his death?"

"It was not that," he quickly says and can tell Armie quickly understands what he is trying to say. "It was something much worse, actually. We were ambushed in an alley, he took all the hits to protect me and had to be rushed to the hospital. He spent a few days there, but couldn´t make it."

"I´m terribly sorry, Timothée."

"So am I."

Armie tries to find words, something, anything that would make Timothée feel better, but he simply can´t. Nothing seems good enough at the moment. Although trembling, he reaches out for Timothée and lets his hand rest on his shoulder, squeezing it softly.

In silence, Timothée looks down at his hand, a gentle smile appearing on the corner of his lips. He rests his hand on top of Armie´s, pats it softly and then looks over at him, his eyes watering.

"Maybe I should go back to asking the questions, I like it better when you´re stuttering and I´m not crying."

"I´m not gonna make you cry again."

"Thank you for that."

Armie smiles, but frowns as he takes a quick look around, noticing the group is almost disappearing from their sight. "We should probably go, we don´t wanna lose the rest of the group."

"I don´t know, you seem a nice person to be stranded with."

"You recover quickly."

"I got thick skin."

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
  
**

Hearing Timothée talk about his life gave Armie a different perspective about him, but most importantly, he made him admire him even more. Timothée was talkative, clearly proud of the person he was and didn´t think about hiding any aspects of himself to others; he had suffered a blow, life had shown him how cruel people could be and yet, instead of changing, he stood his ground and remained the same exact person he was.

Well, not entirely, of course. Something like that leaves scars, wounds someone for their entire life, but Timothée seemed to learn how to deal with those scars, mend them so they could be a part of him but not define him. He could learn a lot with Timothée, but first he needs the strength to step out into the world with no shame.

"Any more questions?"

The voice brings Armie back to reality and he looks around him for a moment, almost as if to remind himself where he is in the world. He catches a glimpse of Timothée, who sits close by, setting something up on his camera, then his eyes find Catherine, who waves at him.

On the opposite side of him, almost obfuscated by the fire, sits Mr. Soares, his hands resting on his lap as his eyes wander through the crowd, trying to find anyone who might still have a question to ask. Although he admits he has been lost in thoughts for a good two minutes, Armie raises his hand, catching Mr. Soares attention.

"Yes, Mr Hammer?"

"How do you decide which places are safe enough to set camp?"

"That´s a great question, Mr. Hammer, and I wish I had a better answer to give you. The truth is we never know if a place is one hundred percent safe, but we usually try to set camp in areas where animals are not seen often. That being said, I think it´s important you all know that some of the places we´ll be resting in have been forged by the forest itself; while others were made by us, trying to preserve nature as much as possible, to help us with our researches."

"That is amazing, and how is the process of creating a place that can give you as much security and comfort without interfering with nature?"

"A tough and very meticulous one, Mr. Hammer. We search for places where there won't need much interference, we make sure to take care of every single bit of fauna and flora we have around us, we try not to leave any residuals behind and most importantly, we don´t mess with the animals. This is their home, we´re merely visitors, we must act like it."

Armie nods, absorbing all the words of Mr. Soares before reaching up for his sketchbook and writing a few notes on it. He closes it quickly, places it inside the pocket of his jacket and gets up, stretching out his arms and legs. Soon enough the group is all over the place, hammocks being tied to the trees, backpacks scattered around the grass.

With a sigh, Armie takes the hammock out of his backpack and searches for the nearest empty spot, tying each end to one tree. He takes a small blanket, places inside and throws his backpack to the side, yawning.

"Mind if I set my hammock here?"

"I have a feeling you would do it even if I said no."

"You got no right saying no to me after you made me cry, Hammer."

"I´m really sorry for that."

He shrugs while tying one of the ends of the hammock. "You were curious, there was no way you knew the answer would be that tragic."

"I still could be more sensitive next time."

"I rather you stay the way you are, stutters and all."

"I´m not a stutter," Armie fires back, although between chuckles.

"Fine, you´re not a stutter. But I made you speechless two times today, I guess that's a lot for a writer."

"You think because I can write a lot of words, I can say all that I´m thinking," Timothée nods and Armie sighs. "I´m sorry to disappoint you, Chalamet. Words fail me easily when I have to speak, but give me a paper and I´ll write you the most fantastic words."

Timothée remains in silence, his green eyes seeming to glow in the night sky. He smiles, takes a step closer and lays a hand on Armie´s cheek, mirroring the same gesture he did earlier that day. As he opens his mouth to speak though, a loud and thundering voice echoes through the forest and they look back.

"Mr. Soares kindly allowed us to do a little music session," Rogers, one of the botanists, says. "Anyone wanna have a go at the guitar?"

"I would like that," Armie says, catching the surprise in Timothée´s face. He walks over to Roger, takes the guitar in his hand and sits down on a trunk, his fingers strumming through the chords, causing a sweet melody to fill the air.

Rogers voice swiftly joins the guitar and people gather around the fire to watch them, a nice relaxing moment before they all have to go to sleep. Timothée´s glare is intense and Armie doesn´t miss it, catching his gaze moments after, a smirk on his face as he notices how surprised he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to check [The Amazon Diaries](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/theamazondiaries) for more contente.


	4. Enchanted Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third day of exploring comes and Armie finds the strength to ask Timothée a question.

Armie is the first to wake up, his blue eyes staring straight into the sky, a flock of birds flying by close to the trees, causing a few leaves to slowly fall down to the ground. He stirs in the hammock, scrunching his nose at the pain that shoots through his entire back. He´s no longer a teenager that can sleep anywhere without suffering with the consequences afterwards, although if he is being honest, with his height, the only place he ever feels comfortable sleeping in is a bed.

He lets his legs hang from the hammock, gently swinging back and forth, the movement soothing. He reaches for his backpack, which until now was being made of pillow, and grabs his notebook and pencil, about to start a new entry. He loses himself in the words in his head, but finds it hard to transcribe them to the paper.

He yawns, leans his head back and watches the sky one more time, before closing the notebook and switching for his sketchbook, which by now is filled with drawings from the forest, the animals, old buildings he saw during his brief stay in Manaus and of course, the drawing of Timothée. He bites his lip while staring at the drawing, his finger gently tracing the lines; the shiver that runs down his spine is different and unexpected, it almost feels like a taboo. Is as if this is closest to touching the real thing he will ever get.

A groan echoes beside him and he swiftly closes the sketchbook, stuffing it back in his backpack before looking at the side, watching as Timothée sits down on his hammock, his curls a mess, green eyes still running and a childish like pout on his lips. Armie chuckles at the sight, but still finds him quite beautiful; it's not often you find someone who looks attractive even after they just woke up.

"Good morning," Timothée says while scratching his neck.

"Good morning."

"You´re the first one up today, that´s improvement."

"Is it improvement or another example of my poor sleeping schedule?"

Timothée shrugs, a little smile on the corner of his lip.

"I guess it can go both ways."

"Should we start a fire or something?"

"I think it´s better if we wait for Mr. Soares, I don´t wanna be the reason a fucking bear attacked us."

Armie frowns, unable to stop himself from laughing.

"What?"

"We are in the Amazon, Timothée, there´s no bears here."

"Fine, whatever other animal we might find."

"But think of the great photos you could take if the camp was invaded by some wild animal."

"Photos will be worthless if I don´t live to tell the story."

"A photo can tell quite a good story."

"Oh, I see. The earlier you wake up, the sassier you are. I´ll take note of that."

Armie chuckles, pushes himself up and stretches out his arms, pain irradiating through his body. He can´t even imagine how tired he will be once the day is over and they have walked miles through dirty tracks, being slapped by branches. He takes off his shirt, stuffs inside the backpack and takes a clean one, putting it on quickly.

Over his shoulder, Armie notices Timothée staring at him up and down, his lips pressed together in a thin line. Again, he feels both flattered and embarrassed by the look, but chooses to remain in silence, not really in the mood to make things awkward by saying something out of line.

He might have been over projecting things, maybe Timothée is that open and affable with everyone.

"Hey, Hammer!"

"Yes?"

"When were you going to tell me you played guitar?"

"I guess I could have said if it came up in conversation, but it didn´t."

"How much more are you hiding from me, huh? Because this is just day three, you either gonna tell me or am I gonna have to dig it out of you."

"We´ll see how it goes," Armie shrugs, smiling softly at Timothée before rolling his hammock back into a ball and stuffing it inside his backpack. He tosses it to the side of the tree, then takes a quick look around, stretching out his legs by walking around the camp area.

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
  
**

The hammock can hurt his back, but the heat is what truly has affected Armie. Ever since he stepped out of the airplane, he has been struggling to handle the heat of the country and while he thought things would be a little bit better inside the forest, he quickly found out that was only an illusion. He sweats, his body feels heavy and within minutes he´s tired and spent, begging for water and some rest.

Truth be told, as a writer who lives in downtown Manhattan and has everything he needs within a block away, Armie isn´t exactly used to long walks through dusty roads. One of the main reasons while he was so keen on taking this offer; explore himself, learn his limits, but all while also exploring the world.

With his hands tightly holding onto the straps of his backpack, Armie follows Mr. Soares up a small hill, his long legs seeming to weigh a ton with each step he takes. He looks down, shakes his head and tries his best to gain as much air as possible, all of his muscles aching and throbbing.

"Are you alright?," Ms. Willians asks while taking a step closer to him.

"Yes, I´m alright. I´m simply not used to this much exercise, should have probably trained a little bit before coming here."

"You´re from New York, right?," Armie simply nods as she shrugs. "Understandable. You guys are always running, but it is not because things are far away from one another, it is because you don´t wanna waste any second of your life."

"I thought you were an animal expert."

"And what are humans, Mr. Hammer?"

Armie chuckles softly, nodding his head in agreement.

"But I was actually referring to what we talked about yesterday."

"Yesterday?"

She nods. "You were quiet and alone, said you were thinking about yourself and stuff. I have to admit, I was a bit worried about you, Mr. Hammer. Being put in situations like the one we are in right now can trigger some people, I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Thank you for your concern, Ms. Willians, but there's absolutely nothing to worry about."

"Good. You seem like a very good man, Mr. Hammer, I wouldn´t want anything bad to happen to you."

"Thank you," he replies with a smile, but groans as he bumps into someone else.

He looks ahead, watching as Mr. Soares stares up at the tree and signals for everyone else to back away. Confused, Armie cocks an eyebrow and follows his gaze, watching as a spider dangles from its web just inches away from Mr. Soares´s face.

The dark brown body, filled with fur, is about seven inches long, the legs slim, but clearly powerful. Still entranced by the sight ahead of him, Armie feels hands on his back and forces himself to look away, his face suddenly inches away from Timothée´s.

"That is one huge spider," he mumbles as Armie nods, turning his attention back to the animal.

"Okay, is story time, my friends," claps Mr. Soares, a wide smile on his face as he gestures for the rest of the group to come closer. "Our little friend here is known as the Brazilian wandering spider, it's one the few spiders in the continent that is actually quite threatening to us. This is the first we encounter in our way, but a good reminder of why we must always keep a good look on our surroundings. The bite of the Brazilian wandering spider can be lethal, so it's very important to be treated immediately. However, if you´re a man and the toxin doesn´t kill you, it might lead to four hour long erections...of the very painful kind, may I add."

Groans can be heard all around at his words, followed by soft giggles and chuckles from the ladies. Armie winces, nervously rubbing his hands on his pants as he instinctively takes a step back. As he feels Timothée´s hand move down his back, only now realizing they were still resting there, Armie looks to the side.

"Scared, Hammer?"

"And you´re not? This little fellow sounds quite terrible."

"I like to think we´d be lucky enough to be treated fair quickly."

"There´s still the other issue."

"The erections?," he asks, a tone of amusement clear in his voice. "We could handle that part ourselves, don´t you think?"

"I don´t think it would be that simple."

Timothée shrugs, only to nudge Armie afterwards, a smug grin plastered on his face.

"Well, simple or not, just know I would do anything to help you if you needed."

"What is that suppo...," Armie´s voice fails as he stares down at Timothée, who´s eyes seem to have a different kind of sparkle at the moment. He swallows dryly, his brain finally processing the meaning behind that phrase.

"Anything," Timothée repeats. As Armie stares at him speechless, Timothée turns on his heels and takes a few steps ahead, looking at him over his shoulder for a brief moment before grabbing his camera.

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
  
**

"Coffee?"

Armie raises his gaze, a gentle smile as he reaches for the mug Mr. Soares holds in his direction. He nods towards him as a way of thank you, then watches as he finds a rock near him, taking a seat. They remain in silence for a moment, Mr. Soares watching the rest of the group as they explore the area, while Armie takes a couple of sips of his coffee.

"We didn´t have much time to talk," Mr. Soares finally says, stealing a quick glance at Armie. "How is your experience so far, Mr. Hammer? Is it what you expected to be?"

"In all honesty, Mr. Soares, it might be even more."

"That´s great to hear."

"I came here thinking it would be just a nice adventure, that I would gain some inspiration for my books, but it seems like I was wrong. I have been able to connect more with myself than anything else."

"The forest is known for doing that sort of thing," Mr. Soares replies with a quick shrug. "I have discovered a lot more about myself after I started working here, it helped me gain a new perspective about myself."

Armie nods in understanding, watching from the corner of his eye as Mr. Soares reaches for a branch and gently moves it around the dirt, outlining a few shapes.

"You know, some of the locals say the forest has magical powers; that it can help people to truly get in contact with their inner self. Others believe it enhances your deepest and strongest desires."

"Do you believe that?"

"I´d be a hypocrite if I say I do, but I´d also be lying if I said I don´t," he chuckles, looking back at Armie. "Does that make any sense?"

"A little bit."

"Good."

Another moment of silence follows and Mr. Soares sits up straight, tossing the branch back to where it was just a couple of minutes ago. He watches the group once again, eyes wandering from person to person, a smile forming in his lips.

"This forest changed my life, you know. I always had an admiration for it, but it was only when I started working here that I truly understood its beauty and force. The forest moves you, sucks you dry, but also gives you so much energy that sometimes you wonder where it is coming from. It´s truly enchanted, just not in a magical, prince and princesses kind of way."

Armie nods and takes another sip of coffee, Mr. Soares´s words so soothing, like someone who truly loves what they do.

"I hope once you´re back in your house in New York, Mr. Hammer, you look back at this trip and you realize you have left a little bit of yourself here, but also that you have taken a bit of the forest with you."

"I don´t think I need to get back to New York to notice that, Mr. Soares."

"Then I did my job just right," he smiles and pats Armie´s back. "I´ll leave you alone, I know you like it."

"Thank you, Mr. Soares," he says before he can walk away. "You´re giving us all a great opportunity."

"It´s my pleasure."

Armie nods, then allows his eyes to wander around the area, spotting Timothée across the small glade they are on. He is standing with Ms. Willians, listening carefully to whatever she is saying to him, his curls falling down his forehead as he smiles at her.

Watching them, Armie brings the mug closer, taking in the smell of fresh coffee, but also allowing Mr. Soares´s words to repeat in his head.  _ Others believe it enhances your deepest and strongest desires _ , was what Mr. Soares said and as the hours pass, sometimes rather slowly in the middle of the forest, he realizes his desires are almost impossible to control at the moment.

**  
  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
  
**

The Sun has just started to set as they come to a stop, the sky being taken over by dark shades of orange and pink, while the clouds slowly move above them. Tired, but also extremely content with everything he has seen in the past four days, Armie sets his backpack down on the grass, hands on his hips as his eyes wander around the area.

It´s a large glade, bigger than any of the ones they have stopped by now and they easily hear the river on the distance. There´s a different variety of trees, most of them filled with leaves and flowers, creating a beautiful arch at some points. He smiles to himself, inhales deeply and runs his fingers through his hair, the fresh air and the view soothing him. The forest sure has had a huge impact in his life and like Mr. Soares said, he will take a bit of it with him once he is back home.

"Guys," Mr. Soares says, clapping his hands, catching everyone's attention. "We´re almost done with the third day of our expedition, but the most difficult paths are still to come, although I do not mean to worry you. Trust me, you all will be able to get through it."

A little mumbling ensues and chuckles echo around.

"This is one of the areas we have shaped here in the forest to help out with our research. You'll probably notice it is a lot bigger than most areas we have stopped and that the environment here looks different than what we have seen so far. We decided to set camp here because this area is not only close to the river, but it´s also a great area for animal observation. There´s sixteen of us here, so there won´t be a big influx of animals, but we might be able to get near some interesting species. Another good news is that since we are in a larger area, you´ll all be able to sleep in the tents you have brought with you, so no hammocks for the night. That must be enough to get your backs back in order."

Another round of chuckles ensues and Mr. Soares smiles, a proud look on his face.

"Okay, we can start by setting up our tents, then we´re gonna gather around, make a fire and eat a little bit."

Armie nods, then reaches down for his backpack and unzips it, going through it for a while before he finds the rolled up tent. He takes it out, carefully setting it up the pieces on the ground; it has been a couple of years since he did this, he's sure it might take him a while to get it together.

He stops for a minute, stares at the bits and pieces that are lying around and groans, shaking his head. He rubs his temples, takes one deep breath and goes back to work, watching as it slowly -way more than he would like to admit- the tent comes to life.

"Isn´t that tent a bit too big for just one guy?"

"Not when you´re a big guy," he replies without even looking up, although aware that Timothée probably has a smirk plastered upon his face right at this moment. He has a way of perceiving only the malicious side of things. "And no, that´s not what I meant."

"I didn´t say anything."

"But you thought of it," he finally looks over his shoulder, an eyebrow arched. "Didn´t you?"

"Huh, seems like you´re starting to understand me pretty well, aren´t you, Hammer?"

"Maybe."

Timothée smiles proudly, then sits down beside Armie on the floor, hugging his knees. "You´re happy you won´t have to sleep in a hammock again?"

"My back in particular is extremely happy."

"A hammock is nice for a bit of a relaxing time, but sleeping three nights straight really messes you up. I imagine for a guy your size it must be even worse, huh?"

"It is, I can´t even stretch out my legs and if I do, it most certainly will end up with me having cramps."

"Well, if you had told me, I´d have made a massage."

Armie looks back at him once again, a little smile on the corner of his lips.

"What?"

"I keep wondering how you can just say things like that without even blushing."

"I don´t usually blush, Hammer."

"Yeah, I have noticed."

"But since you´re wondering, the reason why I say all these things without care, is because I don´t give a damn about conventions. I´m not one to change myself because of the people around me. You either like me the way I am or you don´t."

"You´re brave, Timothée."

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are. Not everyone has the guts to do what you do, to just be truthful to themselves, no matter what people around them think."

"I learned at a very young age that who I am is not always gonna please everyone, but as long as I am happy, why should I care about what anyone else thinks? My happiness concerns myself only."

"Some people think you can only be happy when you have someone. Don´t you agree?"

"No," he bluntly answers, shaking his head. "I think you can be happier when you have someone on your side, but if you´re not happy with yourself and on your own, then it doesn´t matter how much someone loves or cares about you, you´ll never be fulfilled."

"Are you sure you´re only twenty four? Sometimes I feel like you´re wiser than I am."

"You´re thirty, right?," Armie nods. "You´re not much older, besides I don´t think we are ever wise enough."

"Strange," Armie mumbles mostly to himself, but he quickly notices Timothée has heard him. He looks up to him, chuckling at the little confused expression he has. "My dad always says that."

"Well, your father is clearly a very wise man."

"Yes, yes he is."

"Are you close?"

"Yes," he nods, smiling at the memories that flood his head. "He´s the one that encouraged me to start writing."

"He must be really proud of you."

Armie shrugs, stealing a quick glance at Timothée. "He says he is."

"Why would he lie?"

"To please me?"

"In my experience parents can be very lovable, but also brutally honest, so I doubt he would lie to you about that."

Armie smiles, nodding his head. "Thank you."

"So," Timothée clears up his throat, a little smirk on his face. "You want some help finishing up your tent? I´m really good with my hands."

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
  
**

Night has fallen and the moon shines bright upon the sky, while in the camp, dozens of tents are scattered around. Only one of them remains with a light on, a faint glow that shapes a shadow on the fabric, perfectly outlining Armie as he sits inside.

With his sketchbook open, Armie´s pencil moves along what used to be a blank page, but now becomes an extremely detailed portrait of the hotel he stayed in Manaus. An almost imperceptive smile forms on the corner of his lips as he sketches, adding shadows and forms, highlighting some lines and adding new ones. He leans back, eyes wandering through the paper to try and get an overall look of the drawing.

All of a sudden, Armie hears footsteps and before he can even comprehend what is happening around him, Timothée bursts into his tent with the speed and skill of a cat. The abrupt entrance causes him to shut down the sketchbook, which falls down to the ground beside him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Timothée cocks an eyebrow, that already well known mischievous smile appearing on his lips.

"I´ve never heard you curse before," he chuckles. "I like it though, it suits you somehow."

"Seriously, what are you doing here? Do you always burst into other people´s tents in the middle of the night?"

"Depends on who the tent belongs to," he winks while crawling further inside. He takes a seat beside Armie, their legs and arms nearly pressed, the sketchbook the only thing stopping their skin from coming in contact with one another. "So, what you doing?"

"Nothing important," he says while scratching the back of his neck, his eyes looking everywhere but to Timothée. "Shouldn´t you be asleep?"

"As should you, Mr. Hammer, so no judgments here alright?"

"Touché."

As Timothée chuckles, Armie turns to look at him, a small smile appearing on his lips. As much as he tries to control himself around the boy, there's something about him that seems to make all of his walls come down. He feels Timothée nudge him, then watches as he leans forward, taking a hold of the sketchbook that still lies on the ground.

"What is this?"

"My sketchbook."

"So you can also draw?"

"A little bit, but it´s just something I do to spend my time."

"Can I see it?," Armie shrugs, but less than a second later reaches out for it, trying to pull it away from Timothée, who looks at him confused. "What?"

"It´s just bullshit, it's not worth it."

"Somehow I have my doubts," he wiggles his eyebrows and reaches back for the sketchbook, only for Armie to pull it back towards himself. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Hammer? Let me see it."

"It´s really not worth it."

"I´ll judge it for myself," he pulls it once again, frowning as Armie keeps a tight hold on it. He groans, pulls it one more time and watches it as it flies up once both lose grip on it, only a couple lose pages falling down to the ground. "Was this really necessary, Hammer?"

Armie bites his lip, his eyes wandering to the pages that now lie on the ground. He sighs in relief, reaches for the sketchbook and tucks it back inside his bag, placing it as far away from Timothée as possible. The last thing he wants right now is for him to see the drawing he made of him.

"Armie, this is incredible," Timothée says while taking the lose pages, his fingers tracing the lines. "You´re really talented."

"It´s really not that big of a deal."

"Are you fucking serious?," he mumbles, shaking his head. "This is brilliant. Have you ever thought of illustrating your own books? I think it could be a success."

"Writing the books itself is already too much trouble, trust me."

"I believe that," Timothée chuckles. "But it's something for you to think about. Maybe you can do a new edition for one of the books you have already done, I´m sure your readers would love it. I know I would."

"Thank you," Armie practically whispers, his eyes roaming through Timothée´s calm expression as he stares down at the papers in his hand. His fingers are so gentle as he traces the pages, almost as if he is scared to hurt them in some way. He swallows dryly, millions of thoughts flooding his head as he comes with over a dozen questions he would like to ask Timothée, who suddenly smiles, slowly turning to the side, his eyes falling on Armie.

"What are you staring at?"

"Why do you keep coming after me, Timothée?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Yes, I am."

"And here I was, thinking I had made myself pretty clear, but apparently I have not."

Timothée moves even closer, his gaze never leaving his, which causes a shiver to run down his spine. Armie feels his whole body tense up, the stare hypnotic, the heat that emanates from Timothée something that draws him in. He is scared, but at the same time eager to see what could happen next between them, even if he knows the consequences to it might be more than he can handle.

"Do I really need to be more obvious?," Timothée whispers after a few minutes, his face so close Armie can actually feel his breathing. If he was more courageous, he would reach out and touch, taste Timothée´s sweet and tender lips, instead of simply fantasizing about it.

But he knows he won´t do it, he doesn´t have it in him, at least not when they are here in the middle of the forest, surrounded by people.

"Maybe you should go," Armie stammers through the words, his hands turning into fists. He has to gather all the strength he has left in him to move away, give enough space in between them so he can actually think straight.

"Do you really want me to leave, Armie?"

"It doesn´t matter what I want."

"I think that is precisely what matters."

"Timothée, it's late and if anyone sees you here, they might interpret things in a different way. You should just go back to your tent, alright?"

Timothée nods, biting on his lip as his eyes wander down to his hands. He remains in place for a moment more, only to gaze back at Armie, a small smile on the corner of his lip.

"I guess I will see you tomorrow, Hammer."

"Of course," Armie mumbles, more to himself than anything else. He watches Timothée crawl out of the tent and sighs, burying his face in his hands.

Why did he do that?

Why couldn´t he simply break away from the shackles that tied him up to a life of lies and secrets? He wanted more, he wanted to be free, but he simply couldn't find the strength to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	5. Los and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beware of danger

The makeshift shower, which is powered by water coming from nearby rivers and waterfalls, provides a good dose of cold water that currently falls down on the top of Armie´s head, washing away any traces of sleep and the sweat that covers his body after a rather warm summer night. With his eyes closed and his hands running through his blond hair, Armie lets out a loud sigh, rolling on his shoulders to release the tension that causes knots to form on his muscles.

At the sound of footsteps, he opens his eyes, turning to the side as Timothée leans against the wooden fence that separates them, a malicious expression on his face as he stares at him up and down. Armie can´t help but chuckle, his eyes wandering around the camp before he opens the little door and stands his hand out for Timothée, who gladly takes it.

Armie steps back, giving Timothée space, even though it isn't quite necessary since it only takes a few seconds until their bodies are pressed together, the water falling down their faces as their lips conect in a slow kiss. Their hands travel down each other´s slippery bodies, a sensual sensory game, which provides low and tender moans of pleasure.

With a tight grip on Timothée´s hair, Armie tilts his head back, his lips slowly tracing down the skin on his neck and shoulder, sucking on his sensitive spot. He shudders from head to toe as he feels Timothée´s hand wrap around his cock, a tight grip on it as he slowly…

Armie wakes up with a jolt, his body trembling from head to toe as beads of sweat run down his forehead and back. He gasps for air, a fire consuming his entire being as he comes to the realization of what had just happened. It all felt extremely real, so much that he could swear Timothée´s smell still lingered on his fingertips, as well as his taste on his lips.

His night was agitated, he barely got any sleep once again, even if he could for once stretch out his legs and protect himself from the bugs. But the image of Timothée crawling out of the tent remained with him for hours as he stared into space, his words repeating themselves inside his head like a prayer. 

Perhaps rejecting Timothée´s advance had caused him more problems than he expected, because if he had already been clouding Armie´s mind before, now he was the only thing he could possibly think about and that scared Armie.

A simple crush, an attraction would have been something he could easily deal with, he had been down that road before, but he had never had someone cause so much effect on him the way Timothée did. Every smile, every look they shared, every witty comeback Timothée had prepared, everything made Armie crave for more, his desire boiling deep inside of him and getting closer to the surface with each passing second.

Maybe it was the forest doing its work, or maybe Armie really was tired of hiding himself and wanted just for once to dive deep into an adventure.

With a sigh, Armie reaches for a clean shirt on the backpack and puts it on, exiting the tent straight afterwards. The sunlight obscures his view for a brief moment and he has to narrow his eyes, which scan the camp ground quickly. He tells himself this is not something important, but deep inside Armie knows exactly what he is searching for. Or better yet, who he is searching for.

"Good morning, Mr. Hammer."

"Good morning, Mr. Soares."

"We still have some coffee if you´d like."

"Thanks, but I think I will pass."

Mr. Soares nods, gesturing around the camp area.

"Some people have gone back to their tents, trying to organize the data collected in the last few days. Others are still by the fire, as you can see and the rest have gone down to the river. Feel free to wander around a little bit, just make sure you don´t go too far."

"Don´t worry, I have no intentions of losing myself in this forest."

"I know and it's always good to have responsible people like you in our expeditions, it does make my work a lot easier."

"I bet it does," he says with a smile, nodding his head.

"Well, I need to go get some things done, let me know if you need anything."

"Of course," he pats Mr. Soares back, standing in place as he watches him walk away. He frowns, bites his lip and turns around quickly, shouting out his name before he can go too far. "Mr. Soares?!"

"Yes?," he questions while looking over his shoulder.

"Have you seen Mr. Chalamet?"

"I believe he is by the river."

"Okay, thank you."

Armie sighs, hands already sweating as he looks down at the ground. He could go over there, find Timothée and make sure things remain the same between them, after all no matter what happens, Armie appreciates his company and would hate to lose that. He takes a couple of deep breaths, runs his fingers through his hair and heads down in the direction of the river, swerving from tree branches and small little animals he sees crawling through the trunks.

By the time he reaches the river, Armie stands in place, blue eyes wandering around the area until he spots Timothée on the water, laze strokes as he swims from one side to the other. Aware that there are way too many eyes around them, Armie resorts to sitting on a rock close to the water, his foot playing with a pebble.

He observes Timothée in silence, questions consuming him as he recalls just how close they were to kissing last night. If that wasn´t enough, the dream kept coming back to him and Armie wasn´t even sure of what to think of it anymore. Was it all just a simple dream, or was he trying to send himself a message?

He looked happy in the dream, completely at ease with Timothée and the situation they were in. More importantly, he didn´t seem to mind much about the fact they were in broad daylight, exposed to anyone that wandered by.

"Hey there."

Timothée´s voice immediately brings Armie back to reality and when he looks up, he can barely catch his breath. Timothée is dripping wet, his curls all over the place, his cheeks slightly flushed from the swimming and in his lips, that all too familiar smile that beared innocence, but was filled with malice.

"Good morning."

"Good morning, hope you finally managed to get a good night of sleep."

"I tried, but it seems my problem is a lot more complicated than I assumed it to be."

Timothée shrugs. "Pent up tension can do that to you."

"I suppose so."

"I am sure things will get easier though. And if you ever need anything, you know you can count on me."

"Even after yesterday night?"

Timothée smiles, dropping to his knees in front of Armie, his wet hands resting on his knees, causing him to tense up immediately.

"It is gonna take a lot more than that to get me to walk away, Hammer. I am not one to give up easily, besides I do love a little cat and mouse game. Don´t you?"

Timothée doesn´t give him any chance to respond, he simply gets up and walks over to one of the other photographers, taking a seat beside her on the grass as they talk. Completely dumbfounded, Armie remains in place, his heart beating incredibly faster.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


It's an excruciating hot summer afternoon, the Sun high up in the sky, no clouds in sight and barely any breeze. The weather doesn´t seem to minimize anyone's excitement though, since most of the group keeps wandering around the camp area, some taking photographs, others playing guitar and some by the fire, helping Mr. Soares prepare a fish for lunch.

Sitting under a tree, trying his best to gather some shade, Armie has his sketchbook open, scrawling something on the bottom of an already filled page. He has been trying his best to get his thoughts in order, calm himself down and push back everything that happened the last fourteen hours, so he can finally think things straight.

His mind is in conflict, yearning for Timothée´s touch and presence while also trying to suppress his feelings, pushing back any possibility of something happening between them. Timothée awakens parts of him that Armie had for long kept dormant, afraid that they could harm his career, but he would also be lying if he said he is the only reason why he is debating whether or not to come forward and be honest with the world.

For months now Armie has been feeling low, tired of all the shackles he has put himself through, confused on whether or not he will be able to go on through life like this. His father had said many times that he would regret doing this, that one day he would wake up and realize that he had killed a part of himself, but he had no idea of what else to do.

"Are you okay?," the voice startles Armie, but he smiles once he looks up and notices it´s Catherine standing in front of him, her red hair tied up in a high ponytail as she looks down at him, clearly worried. "I´ve noticed you have been sitting here for a while, extremely quiet and seemingly worried. I did not want to disturb you, make you think I was some kind of weirdo, but I got worried."

"You are definitely not a weirdo, Ms. Willians."

"Catherine, Mr. Hammer."

"Armie, Catherine."

She chuckles, nodding her head as she takes a seat beside him on the grass, her legs crossed. "Want to tell me what is happening? You don´t have to, of course, but I want you to know that if you ever need anyone to talk to, I am all ears."

Armie nods, eyes wandering down to his sketchbook. he bites his lip, a frown forming on his face as he glances at Catherine for a brief moment. He sighs, closes the sketchbook and tosses to the side, turning to face Catherine, who cocks an eyebrow.

"Do you love your job?"

She chuckles, nodding her head. "Yes, I do. I have always loved animals and knew I wanted to work with something related to it, I never really expected to love it as much as I do though."

"Would you ever risk losing it for a relationship?"

Catherine pouts, tilting her head to the side. "That depends on how important the relationship is to me, or who the other person in this relationship is."

"Is that a yes?"

"Armie, I love my job and everything it provides me, but I also know that success and happiness means absolutely nothing if we have no one to share it with," she smiles, laying a hand on Armie´s shoulder. "I think you need to ask yourself how important that person is to you."

Armie nods slowly, scratching his beard as he stares into space.

"Did I help in any way?"

"You did, actually. I'm the one who needs to figure things out now, weigh in my priorities maybe."

"I am sure you are gonna figure something out."

"I hope you ar...," Armie trails off, his eyes wandering to the opposite side of the camp area, watching as one of the photographers runs past the trees and heads over to Mr. Soares direction, a look of despair in her face.

Confused, Armie stands up and casually makes his way over, Catherine following him close by. He doesn´t understand why, but his heart beats faster with each step he takes, his hands sweating all of a sudden and a stinging pain in his chest. Something bad has happened and he might not know what it is, but it is already affecting him.

He stops a few steps away from the fire pit, hands in his pockets as he tilts his head to the side, trying to understand what is going on, before Mr. Soares quickly gets up and faces him, a clearly worried look in his eyes.

"Is everything okay?"

"Have you seen Mr. Chalamet?," he asks as Armie frowns, shaking his head.

"I saw him back at the river, but then he went for a walk with some of the other photographers and I came back here, I haven´t seen him since. Why? Did something happen?"

"Mr. Rodriguez happened," the tall blonde photographer named Sarah says, her cheeks flushed and in her eyes, the same worry he notices in Mr. Soares´s. "We got back from our walk and saw there was a small group talking by the river, it was Mr. Rodriguez and some other guys, we joined them and everything was alright until he decided to talk about that poor man who was beaten by a gang in California a few weeks ago. He said horrible things, said the guy had it coming for being a...."

As she trails off, shaking her head at the mere thought of the word, Armie frowns, glancing at Catherine for a brief second, before he hears a deep and hoarse voice come from behind him. He turns on his heels, watching as Mr. Rodriguez approaches them, a sleazy smile plastered on his face, which causes an anger to build up in Armie, before he even knows the full story.

"Before you can go on, I just want to say that I have absolutely nothing to do with what happened. That boy was the one who started screaming at me out of nowhere."

"Out of nowhere?," the woman shakes her head, clearly outraged by the way he speaks. "You said that man deserved what he got."

"And he did, Ms. Johson, because fags like him should be taught a lesson. People like him, and Mr. Chalamet clearly, are a disease to our society and should be terminated."

"What did you just say?," Armie takes a step closer, hands turning into fists and face turning red.

"What? Did I hit a nerve, Hammer?," he laughs, taking a step closer to Armie, a wicked and dirty look on his face. "Has your new friend been giving you a little hand to help you cope with this whole situation? Is that why you are suddenly so mad?"

"You are a disgusting human being, Mr. Rodriguez."

"No more than guys who subject themselves to that sordit thing. They are going against nature and no matter what you say, I will not accept that."

Armie shakes his head and takes a deep breath, doing his very best to control the anger that builds up inside of him. He can imagine what Timothée must have felt hearing those things and the memories it must have brought back. It was people like Mr. Rodriguez that kept him from moving forward, from being honest with the world.

"Great, another sissy to deal with," Armie hears Mr. Rodriguez whisper just as he is about to turn back around. He clenches his jaw, feels a shiver run down his spine and quickly turns around, his fist hitting Mr. Rodriguez straight in the cheek, causing him to stumble back with a grunt.

"Fuck you."

"Armie," Catherine comes in between them, a hand laying on Armie´s chest as she shakes her head. "This is not worth it, he is not worth it."

"Ms. Willians is right," Mr. Soares quickly says, holding onto Armie´s arm. "Mr. Chalamet is missing, this is what we should be focusing on."

"What?"

"This is what Ms. Johnson was trying to tell us, Mr. Chalamet run away after the discussion and she can´t find him anywhere."

"Then we need to go after him."

"No, I am going after him, you are going to stay right here."

"Mr. Soares, I am sorry, but I am not going to stand here doing absolutely nothing while Timothée is out there, possibly in danger."

Mr. Soares sighs, his eyes locked on Armie´s for a brief second until he nods slowly. "Fine, you can come with me."

"I´ll go too," Catherine says. "I am an animal expert, you could use my help."

"Okay, the two of you come with me, the rest stays here in case Mr. Chalamet comes back."

After a quick look around the camp, Armie nods, his eyes finding Mr. Rodriguez, who stands back with his close friends, a hand resting on his cheek, who slowly turns into a deep shade of purple. Despite the glee that consumes him at the sight, Armie has to control his urges to display a large grin, focusing his mind in the more important matter. Timothée is out there, completely alone and possibly in danger, he needs to find him.

He would never forgive himself if something bad happened to Timothée.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


People usually say we only cherish something once we have lost it, and perhaps for the first time in his life Armie understands the meaning of such a thing. While he wanders the forest, following Mr. Soares through narrow paths, with branches cutting through his skin, he realizes just how lost he would be if they couldn´t find Timothée.

Sure, he met him only four days ago, but on these last four days they had grown incredibly close, shared moments that had meant more to him than most of the flings he had had in the past two years. Timothée somehow understood him, even if he was always trying to keep his emotions at bay, suppressing most of his thoughts to guarantee he wouldn´t give too much of himself. But when it came to Timothée, Armie wanted to give himself up, he wanted to share it all with him, because that´s how good he made him feel.

And finding him, saving him from any type of danger he might have found himself in was something Armie wouldn´t simply give up on, no matter how much long they had to walk. He had already turned him down the previous night, allowed his fear to speak louder than his desires, but he wouldn´t make the same mistake again.

"He can´t have gone too far, right?," Catherine finally says, breaking the silence that had fallen upon them.

"For his own sake, I hope not."

"What do we do then? The longer it takes for us to find him, the more danger he could be in."

Armie can tell his voice is all over the place, his body unable to stay quiet as his hands start to sweat again. He looks over at Mr. Soares, furrowing as he sees him kneel down on the ground, contemplating something for a moment.

"Something wrong?"

"Quite the opposite actually," he glances up, an almost imperceptive smile on the corner of his lips. "There are boot marks going in this direction and they seem fresh, I'm guessing they can only be from Mr. Chalamet."

"Okay, then let´s go after him."

"Mr. Hammer," Mr. Soares stops him, a hand resting on his chest. "I know you are worried and you want to find him, but you have to stay calm otherwise we won't get anything done, do you hear me?"

Armie nods, then follows down the path Mr. Soares leads them, his eyes attentive to his surroundings, trying to find any type of hint about where Timothée could possibly be. As the minutes pass, Armie finds himself consumed by fear, imagining all the horrible things that could happen to Timothée alone in the forest. He stops for a moment, takes one deep breath and then goes back to following Mr. Soares, cocking an eyebrow as he hears footsteps nearby.

"What is that?"

"There´s someone close," Mr. Soares states, running in the direction of the noise. He stops abruptly though, Armie almost colliding with him.

"What is...," Armie can´t even finish his sentence, his eyes falling upon Timothée, who stands a couple feet away from them.

"Oh my God," whispers Catherine, her eyes wide as she sees the jaguar approaching Timothée.

"We have to do something."

"Right now all you need to do is stay quiet."

"Mr. Soares, he's about to be attacked."

"And if you even think of doing any abrupt movement, he will definitely be killed by that thing. So stay where you are and keep quiet."

"But..."

"He's right," Catherine intervens, her hand resting on Armie´s shoulder. "If you move, there is a chance Timothée will move too and that jaguar is gonna leap on him in a matter of seconds."

"Okay. Then what? We just stand here and watch?"

Mr. Soares remains quiet, their eyes all locked on Timothée who stands perfectly still, just a couple of feet away from them. The jaguar has stopped too, its eyes staring straight into Timothée, as if waiting for his next move. A dangerous game of chess.

"Mr. Hammer, do you see any branches? Nothing too big, but not too small either."

"I thought I wasn't supposed to move?"

"Something close, which won´t need you to move much. Can you find anything?"

"Ummm...," Armie sighs, scratching the back of his neck as he looks around. He finds one near Catherine´s feet and kneels down slowly, reaching for the branch with his right hand. "Okay, what now?"

"How far do you think you can throw that thing?"

"I´m sorry?"

"How far do you think you can throw that thing? I need you to throw it past the jaguar, so the sudden movement will cause it to go after it and leave Mr. Chalamet behind."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Mr. Hammer, how far can you throw it?"

"I can do it," he quickly says, his mind instantly taking him back to the many afternoons in his backyard, where he and his father would play baseball and throw balls. "I can do it."

"Good, then on the count of three, you throw it."

Armie swallows dryly, but nods anyway, his heart beating faster than ever. If he fails, the jaguar can leap onto Timothée and he would never forgive himself for hurting him in any way. With a deep breath, Armie closes his eyes and moves his arm behind his head, Mr. Soares´s voice a mere whisper. Once he finally reaches three, Armie throws the branch, watching it fly by Timothée and the jaguar, that instantly looks to the side, growling.

His eyes go wide, thinking for a moment that everything is going south. He then watches the jaguar leap in the direction of the branch, disappearing into the bushes at surprising speed. With a sigh, Armie smiles, his eyes turning to Timothée, who remains exactly where he was.

"What's wrong?," he asks confused. "Why is he not moving?"

"He is probably in shock, which is quite common after something like this."

Armie looks at her over his shoulder, processing her words for a moment before he rushes over to Timothée´s side. He takes a step back as Timothée moves away from his touch, his eyes distant and his body trembling from head to toe.

"Hey, Timothée it's me, you are going to be alright."

Timothée remains in silence, but his eyes move along to his, holding his gaze. Armie smiles, takes a step closer to him, and reaches out, pushing some of his hair back. He grunts as Timothée suddenly collapses on him, his hand holding tightly onto his shirt. Armie can feel him trembling and how fast his heart is racing, so he wraps his arms around him, trying his best to bring him some comfort.

For only the second time, Armie sees a vulnerable version of Timothée, which he almost forgets it exists since he is so used to his uplifting and always witty attitude. Tightening his grip around him, Armie rests his chin upon his head, taking in a deep breath.

"You are going to be okay."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Eye opening. If there were any words Armie could use to describe this day, those would be the ones he would choose. From his sex dream, to his conversation with Catherine and the overwhelming amount of sensations that ran through his body while searching for Timothée, Armie had realized that perhaps he had made things a lot more difficult than they should be.

From the moment he saw Timothée in the hotel bathroom, Armie had felt something different, a connection that he couldn´t quite grasp his hand around it. But as the days went by, as they grew closer and he eventually noticed the not so subtle ways Timothée would lay out his attraction, Armie finally understood things the way they were. He was completely involved and as scary as it was to put his career at risk, he couldn´t push back his feelings any longer.

He wanted Timothée and it was time for him to admit that, loud and clear.

"Armie?"

Timothée's voice breaks his train of thought and Armie raises his gaze to meet his, a small smile appearing on the corner of his lips. He watches him in silence, noticing how his cheeks are now slightly flushed and his eyes are no longer dilated. Timothée looks healthy, clearly no longer in a state of shock as he was a few hours back and Armie couldn't be happier.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright," Timothée replies, putting on a smile. "But what are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious," Armie uses the words to somehow mirror Timothée's expression the previous night and when he sees his expression change, he knows he understands him. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Armie, I went through a scare, but you don't have to worry about me. Besides, people can talk and I know you don't want that."

"Do you? Because lately I am having a hard time figuring out exactly what I want, so if you don't mind explaining to me, I would appreciate it."

Timothée shoots him a glare and Armie chuckles, running his fingers through his blond hair. He bites on his lip, nearly drawing blood from it before he inches himself closer, reaching out to tug a stray curl behind his ear.

"Look, it just didn't feel right to leave you all alone after what happened."

"Thank you," Timothée says after a moment of silence, a smile on the corner of his lips. "Thank you for looking out for me and for saving my life."

"I didn't do anything."

"You did and I thank you for it. Lord knows what would have happened if you were not there to help me, Armie, and for that I will always be grateful."

Their gazes meet, an intense stare as silence fills up the tent once more. Armie sighs, his finger gently touching Timothée's cheek before his arm falls back to his side.

"I would never let anything bad happen to you, Timothée."

"I know that, Hammer."

His words take Armie by surprise, the confidence in which he says this not exactly what Armie was expecting. How could you trust your life in the hands of someone you knew for only four days? The thought was scary, yet extremely heartwarming and everything he could have asked for. With a smile, Armie leans closer, his face mere inches from Timothée's, feeling his hot breathing against his.

As he is about to close the gap between them though, Armie hears footsteps outside the tent and moves back just in time to see Mr. Soares pop his head inside the tent, eyes wandering from him to Timothée.

"Look who's finally awake."

Armie nods slowly, glancing back at Timothée for a brief second. "I will leave you two alone," he says, patting Mr. Soares's back before exiting the tent.

He sighs, hands in his pockets as he takes a look around the campground, a quick nod in Catherine's direction before he walks over to his own tent, secluding himself from the rest of the group. He reaches for his backpack, takes his notebook and pencil out of it and leans sits up straight as he flips through the pages, searching for a blank one where he can start a new entry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this house, we do not appreciate Mr. Rodriguez :/
> 
> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	6. Stranded With You

For the first time ever since they set foot in the state of Amazonas, the day dawned grey, clouds taking over the sky and a cool breeze blowing constantly, causing leaves and small fruits to fall down from the trees. The campground is mostly quiet, a few men secluded by one of the tents, playing cards and drinking coffee, while on the fire pit, Mr. Soares toasts a few pieces of manioc and heats up more coffee, handing it out to the part of the group that joins him.

Armie is sitting opposite from him, a mug of coffee by his left foot while he holds a few fruits in his palm, tiny yellow balls on the outside, with a dense and of very intense taste white pulp on the inside. The smell is slightly overwhelming, which takes him by surprise at first, but once he finally manages to put one in his mouth, Armie is taken back by how much he truly appreciates it.

He frowns, takes another one in his mouth and then moves to reach for something else on the basket by the fire, the abundance of fruits they had encountered the last few days firing up his palate. It's too bad he knows he probably will never find things like this once he is back to the United States.

"I see you enjoyed the bacuripari, Mr Hammer."

Armie nods, raising his gaze towards Mr. Soares. "I did, although it is a shame I will never be able to pronounce such a name."

"Trust me, even we have trouble with some of the names."

Armie smiles, tossing yet another fruit into his mouth before reaching for his mug, the smell of coffee mixing up with the fruits. He takes a long sip, closing his eyes for a brief second as the warm liquid runs down his throat.

He had had a good night of sleep, the first in months to be honest and Armie had no doubt it had something to do with the realization that he had the previous day. Hiding his feelings, pushing Timothée away wouldn't do him any good, so he was determined to actually do something about their situation, even if it scared him to the very core.

He finishes up his coffee, walks around the fire and collects everyone´s empty mugs, heading over to the small and improvised cleaning area, where he tosses the mugs inside before washing it. He stares ahead of him, watching as a small monkey slowly makes his way from a tree to another, his gaze meeting his for a brief second.

"So, when were you planning on telling me that you punched Mr. Rodriguez?"

Armie scoffs, looking over his shoulder at Timothée, who stands just a few feet away from him, arms crossed, head tilted to the side and cocked eyebrows.

"Not my proudest moment, I have to admit."

"Why not? I say you did what almost everyone in this camp wanted to do. Not to mention, I find this badass side of you very sexy."

Armie smiles, feeling his cheeks burning hot. He doesn't have to look at himself in the mirror to know he is probably turning into a flushed mess, red from neck to forehead.

"I nearly kissed you the other day and you still get flushed at the things I say?," he smirks and Armie bites his lip. "You really are a very unique and different kind of man, Hammer."

"I´m an old soul, not really used to people being so blunt around me. But maybe that's precisely why I like having you around so much."

"So you like having me around?"

Armie wiggles his eyebrows, a small smile on the corner of his lips. "Sorry if I am not really good at showing it, but I do like having you around. A lot actually."

Timothée smiles, but Armie can tell the hint of confusion that takes him over shortly after. "Why are you telling me this right now?"

"Because I thought you should know."

"You thought I should know?," Armie nods and Timothée mirrors his reaction. "Well, I´m glad to hear that. Although you don't really have to explain yourself to me, Hammer."

"That's not what I am doing. I'm just trying to be honest with you and myself."

"Okay then," he smiles, hands tucked inside his pockets. "I should probably go and get something to eat before we hit the road again."

"Yeah, that is probably a good idea," he says with a smile, watching as Timothée turns on his heels and takes a few steps away from him. When he stops, turning back towards him slowly, Armei frowns, slightly confused. "What?"

"Next time you punch someone for me, I would like to know about it through you."

Armie laughs, nodding his head.

"Don´t worry, if it happens again, I will make sure you see it."

"Even better."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


As the hours pass, the clouds start to dissipate and the heat slowly increases, the cool breeze that was blowing in the early morning now completely gone. With his hands holding tightly onto the straps of his backpack, Armie keeps a steady pace, his eyes roaming around the area, taking in the flowers, leaves and animals that often crawl by them or fly above the trees. He keeps himself close to Mr. Soares, exchanging a couple of words from time to time, but mostly trying to keep himself quiet.

They are going through a more complicated route today, the inclined ground making the hike a lot more demanding, forcing their knees and calves to do extra work, which normally resulted in bodies even more tired than normal. His breathing gets a little more labored too and the sweat, which he has now become used to, drips easier down his body.  _ I will never complain about the coldness of New York ever again _ , he tells himself as he realizes just how much trouble he would have living in a heat like this every single day of his life.

Maybe he will have to leave Brazil as only a vacation destination.

"Everything okay, Mr. Hammer?"

Mr. Soares´s voice startles him, but Armie immediately looks up, nodding his head slowly.

"Yeah, just struggling with the heat. How do you manage?"

"I was born and raised here, I have grown used to it for most of the time, but water is essential. You will find yourself a lot more used to it by the time we finish the expedition, trust me."

"Probably, but I doubt I will ever find it normal to sweat this much."

Mr. Soares chuckles, nodding his head. "Understandable coming from someone who is used to the New York weather."

"Yeah, I guess I need to make it out of New York more often. Maybe I will move to California after this is all done, get used to the heat."

"I´m sure you´re fine exactly where you are."

Armie shrugs, then looks over his shoulder for a brief second, spotting Timothée not too far away, talking with Ms. Willians and Ms. Johnson. He smiles, bites his lip when their eyes meet and then quickly turns back to Mr. Soares, who is taking a sip of water.

"Mr. Soares, I guess I should apologize for what I did yesterday."

"What are you talking about?"

"Punching Mr. Rodriguez," he replies, feeling his cheeks burn in shame almost immediately. "It was wrong of me to act that way. You have been nothing but kind and respectful to all of us, we should do the same towards you."

"Mr. Hammer, I do think things would be a lot easier if nothing had happened yesterday, but we can´t change the past. Mr. Rodriguez was out of line, you were worried about your friend and didn´t really think about your actions. But the fact you are apologizing to me says a lot about the man you are, so thank you, but do not worry about me."

Armie nods, smiling gently as Mr. Soares pats his back. He sighs, feeling a lot better with himself for actually letting out the frustration he had inside of him. While he is certain Mr. Rodriguez deserved that punch, Mr. Soares had been doing his best to keep the group safe and comfortable, it didn´t feel right to put on such a scene in front of him.

He reaches for his water bottle, groans as he notices it is nearly empty and places it back in the backpack pocket, saving the remains for when he is actually thirsty. He feels someone approach him and looks to the side, suddenly aware that Timothée is now the one walking beside him, their arms brushing together from time to time.

"Should I use the fact I was almost eaten by a jaguar yesterday to get me off the hook of this dreadful walk? I mean, so far we have been through some nice and smooth pathways, but this thing here is just mean."

Armie scoffs, noticing how sweaty and flushed Timothée is. He looks heaven sent almost, his thin and white shirt clinging onto his body while his curls form a halo around his head, the sweat causing his skin to glow.  _ Is he even aware of how beautiful he truly is?, _ Armie asks himself, doing his best to avert his eyes from Timothée, after all there are way too many people around them.

"Let´s say it works," he finally says, catching Timothée´s attention. "How exactly would you find the group again? Or you are willing to be stranded in the middle of the forest for the rest of your life?"

"Well, I clearly did not think this through," Timothée says between chuckles. "But I wouldn't mind being stranded here, not if I was with the right person."

"And who is the right person?"

He turns around, struggling to walk backwards, but doing it so anyway, the expression on his face one of pure malice.

"I think you know exactly who I would like to be stranded with, Hammer."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Armie stands leaned against a tree, watching with pure amusement as Mr. Soares climbs yet again the tree, his ability and the speed of his movements nearly frightening him. It is clear as water that he has been doing this for years, probably since he was a kid; a great skill to have once you are stuck in the middle of a forest and every single resource is as precious as gold.

He chuckles, watching as some coconuts fall down the ground, Ms. Willians quickly running away from it, a slightly scared expression on her face. Once Mr. Soares comes down, he sits around the coconuts, opening them one by one and handing it to the group; once again, his skills impress Armie, who wishes he could be as craft as he is. And sure, he can cook, draw and play the guitar, but never would he be able to do the same thing Mr. Soares just did.

He takes one of the coconuts, sips some of the water and closes his eyes, a loud and content sigh escaping him. Despite being only in natural temperature, the water seems to revive him, bringing back the energy he lost during their walk. He looks around the camp, spotting Timothée sitting under a tree, a camera on his lap and a few polaroids on his hands, completely oblivious to whatever is happening around him.

He smiles, gazes down at the coconut and then walks over, taking a seat beside him on the log. It takes a second for Timothée to look up from his polaroids, but when he does so, Armie is met with a wide smile. He hands him the coconut, gesturing towards the small hole on the top and watches in silence as Timothée takes a few sips, wiping his mouth with the back of his hands afterwards.

"Delicious, isn´t it?"

"I have yet to eat or drink something I don´t like here," he quickly responds, inspecting the coconut. "I always knew this forest was rich, but I never expected to be like this, you know? There's so much to see, hear and taste."

"A lot to run away from too," Armie adds as Timothée chuckles, nodding his head.

They sit in silence for a while, eyes wandering around the camp while the coconut is passed from one to the other until it is completely empty. Armie places it on the ground next to his feet, his eyes finding Mr. Rodriguez, who walks past them with one of his friends, a mocking smile on his lips as he whispers something Armie can´t quite comprehend, but he has an idea of just what it could be.

"I don´t get it," Timothée says, a frown on his face.

"What is it that you don´t get?"

"Mr. Rodriguez," he shrugs, shaking his head. "He is a renowned writer, has traveled around dozens of countries and studied in some of the best schools and universities in the world. Yet, he turns out to be someone filled with prejudice, someone who can´t understand that there's more to life than what he can see. I don´t get how someone who has seen so much, can be so small-minded."

Armie sighs, leaning forward so he can rest his elbows on his knees. "It is a trick situation, to be honest, but everyone´s wired in a different way. Some people can sit down and have a conversation, debate with others about different subjects without holding a grudge, they can come down off their comfort zone and put themselves in someone else's shoes, comprehend that we all have different personalities and realities. Sadly, not everyone is the same, some simply can´t wrap their heads around the fact people are different and their actions should be the one thing to define them, not the color of their skin or who they love. My father always said those people are a minority, but they are loud as hell, which sometimes causes us to feel small and powerless."

Timothée simply stares at Armie for a moment, his eyes with a different glow.

"Sadly, is because of people like Mr. Rodriguez that so many others feel like they can´t be themselves and hide behind lies for most of their lives."

"Speaking from your own experience there?," Timothée finally asks and Armie looks over his shoulder at him, nodding slowly.

"I was twenty years old when I finished the first draft of what turned out to be my first published book," he starts, hands rubbing against the fabric of his pants. "I visited so many different publishing companies, met so many different editors and all of them said the exact same thing to me. I couldn´t tell anyone the truth about me, because the reality is that if I did so, no respectable pushing company would accept to have their name tied up to mine. And if eventually, by any chance, I was lucky enough to have my books published, no one would read and even if they did, they would be too ashamed to tell anyone else about it."

Armie sighs, bites on his lip and looks at Timothée once again, who stares back at him with wide eyes and lips pressed together in a thin pale line.

"I was young, I wanted nothing more than to have my dream become true, so I did as told, kept it all a secret and watched as my books turned out to be best sellers. The thing is, after ten years hiding yourself, something inside of you starts to die and you might find yourself wondering if it was all worth it in the end."

"Your dream came true," Timothée says, but his voice is different than usual, lower, softer and almost broken.

"But at what cost, Timothée? I'm constantly afraid of what people are thinking of me, the rumors that always come and go, specially when a new book is about to come out. My dream might have become true, but I almost feel like I sold my soul for it and no one should feel this way."

"You can still change things around," he smiles, laying a hand on Armie´s back. "Just because things started that way, it doesn´t mean they have to end it like this too. You have loyal readers, Armie, people that love your stories and are eagerly waiting for the next one before they are even finished with the latest book. I have a hard time believing that those people would turn their back on you for something so small."

"That's the thing, Timothée," he says almost in a whisper while trying to smile. "To some people, this is not something small."

Timothée swallows, nodding his head slowly.

"I wish I could be like you, so fierce and headstrong, ready to live your truth no matter what others might think. But sadly I was never like this and I hardly doubt I can be now."

"You´re thirty, Armie, not an old man on his deathbed. You can change things around if you really want to."

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

Armie smiles, about to say something when Mr. Soares´s voice thunders around the camp, catching everyone's attention. It's time to get back on the road, walk another few miles before they set camp for the night. With a sigh, Armie takes one last look at Timothée and then pushes himself up, joining the rest of the group.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


They had barely set their belongings down on their new camping ground when Armie heard someone clear his throat behind him. Turning around, he was surprised to find Mr. Rodriguez standing just about a feet away from him, a serious expression on his face and fingers intertwined. He was all alone, something quite rare to see ever since their incident the previous morning.

Armie wasn´t yet sure if he had remained surrounded by his closest friend in the group to prove a point, that he wasn´t at all the only one who looked down at gay people; or if he was somehow scared of Armie punching him again. Either way, he was glad to be as far away from the man as possible.

"Can I help you with anything?," Armie asks, his arms crossed above his chest, his head slightly tilted to the side.

"Mr. Soares came to talk to me about everything that happened and suggested that it was better if I apologized for everything, so...," he shrugs and in his eyes Armie can see this means absolutely nothing to him. "I´m sorry for whatever I said that might have irritated you."

Armie frowns, eyeing Mr. Rodriguez up and down, realizing the man is completely devoid of self criticism. His words had put someone in danger and caused panic among the group, yet he stood in front of him with no hint of shame or sorrow. His apologies were mere conveniences, something he had to do in order to please Mr. Soares.

"You´ve put someone's life in harm's way and that is honestly all you have to say?"

"I didn´t force anyone to run into the forest, Mr. Hammer. I said what I said and I stand by it, it is not my fault your...," he stammers, a sly smile on the corner of his lips. " _ Your friend _ decided to run away from the group all alone. I have not put anyone´s life in harm's way, so please, don´t accuse me of things I have not done."

"Your words have an effect on people's lives, Mr. Rodriguez. Your harmful and extremely bigoted words, hurt someone so much that they put themselves in dangerous, so excuse me, but I do believe you are at fault here. Besides, I am not the one you should be apologizing to in the first place."

Silence takes Mr. Rodriguez, but Armie catches him glancing over at Timothée, who is tying his hammock on a tree while talking to Ms. Johnson.

"If you really want to make things right, although I doubt you are being honest about any of this, you should talk to Timothée, not me."

Mirroring the same smile Mr. Rodriguez directed at him minutes before, Armie gives him a quick nod and turns around on his heels, focusing his attention back on tying his hammock to the tree. He can sense him behind him for a second longer, but then hears his footsteps and looks over his shoulder, watching as Mr. Rodriguez goes back to his friends. He sighs, shaking his head as he tries to push back the anger the man ignites inside of him.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Armie moves around on the hammock, desperately trying to find the best position to get some sleep, but he knows deep in his core it is useless. He has been struggling with sleep for almost two whole months now, napping through the night and doing his best to keep himself up during the day, despite the tiredness that slowly starts to consume him.

He looks around the area, every light is off, the fire is about to be extinguished by the night and everyone is in deep sleep around him. He sighs, sits up on the hammock, rubs his face, scratches his beard and then finally gathers the strength to push himself up. He puts on his flannel shirt, grabs his flashlight and quietly wanders around the camp, doing his best not to wake up anyone, specially Mr. Soares.

He had said many times that they should never wander alone, so Armie could only imagine how disappointed he would be if he found out Armie of all people was wandering around at night, completely at mercy of any and every danger of the forest. His restlessness was on a different high though, and Armie couldn´t simply sit still and wait for sleep to catch him.

_ And we know it might never catch up _ , he says to himself while aiming the flashlight ahead, carefully dodging some spiders and ants he finds on his way. He spots a little clearing and takes a seat on a log, staring into space and peacefully hearing all the forest sounds. A owl can be heard on the distance, as well as some crawler animal, but what truly intrigues him is how the trees also seem to have a very distinguished sound.

"Hey," the voice startles him, but Armie can´t help but smile once he notices it´s Timothée standing nearby, his arms wrapped around his slim body, his hair a complete mess. "Are you alright? You´re not one to sneak out in the middle of the night all alone, so I got worried."

He cared. Timothée was one of the few people who cared enough about him to listen to his struggles and not judge him for them. Actually, he tried his best to lay a comforting hand, knowing that he could count on him if necessary and that it was never too late to change things around. Most of the time people seemed to either not give a damn, or suffocate him even more, perpetuating the idea that if he did come out, he would have nothing left.

"I am okay," he manages to say after a beat. "I simply couldn´t sleep, so I decided to get up and walk a little bit, but I ended up just sitting here, thinking about life."

"Can I think about life with you?"

Armie smiles, nodding his head slowly as he moves slightly to the side, giving Timothée enough space to sit down on the log too. Their legs brush together as well as their arms, but silence reigns between them while they stare ahead of themselves, contemplating the night.

When Timothée moves closer, his hand gently resting on top of his, Armie feels a lump form on his throat and a shiver runs down his spine. His eyes wander down to where their hands are resting, the contrast of their skin tone and size quite mesmerizing, an image he will have engraved in his mind forever. Licking his lips, his heart beating so fast it hurts his chest and thunders over his ear, Armie raises his gaze to meet Timothée, who stares back at him with the same intensity.

Armie holds his breath, his blue eyes moving from Timothée´s lips to his eyes, studying his expression while also making sure he has every little freckle memorized. He looks absolutely gorgeous as the moonlight hits him, his curls framing his face like a halo. He is so close, all he has to do is lean down and kiss him, taste the lips he has been craving for days now.

He inches closer, his trembling hand cradling Timothée´s face, a smile appearing on his lips when he leans in to his touch and closes his eyes, a soft sigh escaping him. Armie swallows, counting down the seconds inside his head, his thumb gently tracing Timothée´s lips, his cheeks and even his ear. He wants this more than anything else in the world, but there is still a hint of fear inside of him, something that keeps him from moving forward.

_ Fear can´t stop you from moving forward _ , he repeats to himself over and over again, his mind nearly in short-circuit with all the information he processes in such a brief period of time. And then, as if reading his mind, aware of all the struggles he is internalizing at this moment, Timothée slides a hand behind his neck and closes the gap there was still left between them.

Their lips touch in a soft and tender kiss, testing the waters one may say, savoring the taste of one another. It slowly builds up, their need and hunger growing with every passing second, their tongues exploring each other´s mouth as if searching for some sort of treasure. Except the treasure has already been found, they are each other´s treasure, balancing spontaneity with seriousness, hunger for life and quietness.They match like puzzle pieces and their kiss suddenly translates that into something more palpable, something tangible.

And while inebriated in Timothée, Armie finds himself relaxing, the weight on his shoulders gone and his mind clear. Nothing else matters any longer, only this moment right here, where they find themselves tangled in one another. 

Succumbing to his desires has never felt so good.


	7. Raging Fire

Another day blossoms in the horizon, the sunlight hitting down on the trees and giving the forest a nearly supernatural glow, the beauty something difficult to describe with words given the astonishing beauty of it all. The sound of the animals slowly become louder, echoing through the trees and creating a melodic symphony that is soothing and welcoming.

The heat has not yet reached its peak and there's a cool breeze that hits from time to time, blowing the leaves of the trees and giving the group the opportunity to sleep in. But while some snore in their hammocks, others sit quietly, either writing in journals or contemplating their surroundings.

Armie is one of those people, his head leaned against his rolled up sheet, while his fingers play with the small strings that hang from the hammock. His blue eyes are stuck on the trees that surround them, a gentle smile appearing on the corner of his lips as he notices a bird flying by. Although he is already awake, Armie experienced a good night of sleep for the first time in over two months and feels renewed and detached from all the tension he had on his shoulders.

He would like to say that it was an epiphany and that he figured out on his own a way to relax, but he knows better than that. Until the previous night, Armie was struggling with all the inner turmoil he had, debating with himself whether or not it was time to seek some change in his life. But kissing Timothée, giving in to all the urges and desires that had been growing inside of him since day one was liberating in ways he almost couldn´t believe.

The delicate taste of Timothée´s lips was still engraved in his mind and the softness of his body pressed against his felt different than anything else he had ever experienced in life. Everything was more enhanced with him apparently, but surprisingly enough Armie wasn´t scared of it, at least not as much as he was before, because now that he had had a taste of it, he wanted more.

And is not only the kiss he craves, it´s everything that Timothée brings up to their relationship. It´s how he seems to motivate a part of Armie that was dormant to come alive, or how he often leaves him on his toes, unsure of what to expect, but eager for it nonetheless. Timothée´s attitude towards life is the complete opposite of his, but somehow Armie believes that is exactly why they found one another, because that balance is what they craved.

Maybe with Timothée in his life, whatever their relationship might be, Armie will find the strength he for so long thought he had lost, but that might just be hidden under all the scars and fears he allowed to take him over.

With a sigh, more of contentment than anything else, Armie stretches out his legs and arms, closing his eyes for a brief second as he inhales deeply, the fresh air filling his lungs and bringing him even more peace of mind. He pushes himself up, eyes roaming around the camp area, a smile on his lips as he realizes just how incredibly lucky he is.

No matter what are the struggles he goes through, he is standing in the middle of the Amazon Forest, surrounded by a group of amazing people and for the first time in years he is allowing himself to live a true adventure. No matter what happens in the future, he will always cherish those days and forever be grateful for the things it taught him.

He unties his hammock, rolls up into a ball and stuffs it back on his backpack, which he zips it close and tosses it to the side afterwards. He puts on his boots, smooths out his shirt and turns on his heels, heading towards Mr. Soares, who is always the first one up, making sure everything is set for the group.

"Good morning."

"Good morning, Mr. Hammer," he is greeted with a large smile, but he also notices the subtle look of wonder in Mr. Soares´s face. "You seem different today."

"Well, I had a good night of sleep after nearly three months, so it might be that."

"You have problems with insomnia?"

"Insomnia, self-deprecation, stress and lots of ideas that only seem to haunt me at night."

Mr. Soares frowns, the words probably not what he expected to hear from Armie. Although he had always a lot inside of his mind, he also tried his best not to let it rub on others, since it was his problem to deal with and it wouldn´t be fair to stress anyone else with it.

"Well, I am glad you finally managed to get some sleep, Mr. Hammer. I am aware of how stressful sleepless nights can be, it really does take a toll on our bodies and mind."

"It does," he admits. "But I have learned how to deal with it somehow."

"We always do," Mr. Soares responds. "Doesn't mean it is making us any good, though."

"I suppose you are right," he almost whispers. "Anyway, would you like some help? I can start the fire if you want me to."

"That would be great. And while you do that, I am going to go grab some fruits and peel the manioc so we can boil it."

Armie nods, squatching down on the ground and forming a little pyramid with the wood before lighting it up. He watches in silence as the fires catch up, slowly growing bigger, the flames dancing around and reflecting on his eyes. He looks around, reaches for the kettle, which is already filled with water and starts hitting up, setting up some mugs for when the rest of the group wakes up.

He catches sight of Mr. Soares in the distance, reaching into a tree to collect some small little fruit, his eyes seeming to sparkle as he stares down at his hand, which is now filled with them. It's easy for anyone to notice just how enamored by the forest Mr. Soares is, because with every word he says, every step he takes, it is all filled with passion and respect. He wasn´t lying when he said he felt more at home in the forest than at his own home.

Hearing footsteps, Armie looks over his shoulder, noticing that most of the group is already awake and attending to their belongings, packing their backpacks and folding their hammocks. He brings his attention back to the coffee, the smell slowly taking over the camp and causing his stomach to growl. Luckily for him, Mr. Soares walks back shortly after, presenting him with some fruits, which he gladly takes in his mouth.

He hands Mr. Soares a pan and watches carefully as he finishes peeling some maniocs and throws them on the pan filled with water, bringing it to the fire so it can heat up. They have been eating manioc for a few days now, the taste quite distinguished and the nutrition of it making itself noticeable when he realized he would spend hours without eating afterwards and don´t feel hungry at all. Apparently, that was one of the reasons why the manioc was such a popular food in Brazil; it was cheap, nutritious and cultivated all around the country, therefore it was consumed from the very poor, to the most wealthy.

As he finishes preparing coffee, pouring some for him and Mr. Soares, Armie notices a bowl with some small reddish balls. Intrigued by the fruit, Armie reaches out for one, bringing to his nose so he could smell it. He takes a small bite, a frown forming on his face as he tries to decide whether or not he appreciates the taste.

"Wouldn´t eat much if I were you," Mr. Soares warns with a smile. "This is called guaraná and if ingested in high quantities can cause insomnia, so I doubt you want to do this when you just managed to get some proper sleep."

Armie chuckles, nodding his head. "It has an interesting taste."

"Guaraná is one of the symbols of Brazil, it´s used in medicine and to make our very own soda, one that is only produced here in the country and nowhere else."

"I don´t think I have had the pleasure to drink."

"Not yet, but once the expedition is over and we head back to the hotel, there will be a full Brazilian lunch waiting for you guys, with Guaraná, different variations of manioc and other dozen typical dishes of the country. I have a feeling you will enjoy it, you seem to be someone who's willing to try a little bit of everything."

"My mom raised me saying the only way I can know for sure if I like something, is if I try it. So, I listened to her and realized that by doing that I am open to a lot of good experiences in life."

"Is the right way to live."

"It turned out okay," he says with a shrug.

As the voices around the camp grew louder, Armie´s eyes wandered around the place, smiling and nodding at some of the other members of the group that passed him by. Catherine waves at him before sitting next to Mr. Soares, quickly engaging in conversation with him.

When he spots Timothée, Armie can feel a shiver run down his spine, his mind instantly going back to the previous night and how incredible it felt to have him in his arms, to kiss him and feel his hands sliding through his hair. Their eyes meet and Timothée seems to light up, waving quickly at him before he grabs his belongings and places it back on the hammock.

It doesn't take much long for him to be sitting right by Armie´s side, arms crossed and lips pressed together in a thin line. He seems somehow nervous, or at least apprehensive and while Armie can´t be one hundred percent certain, he has a feeling it has something to do with their kiss. Not that Timothée would regret the whole thing, he made it very clear after the kiss that he wished they would have kissed earlier.

"Coffee?," Armie asks, choosing to leave his speculations behind, after all it would be a lot easier if he just talked to him instead of creating dozens of reasons in his mind, which might not at all be true.

"Thank you," Timothée replies as Armie hands him a mug, a sigh of contentment escaping him after he brings it close to his nose, smelling it. "It smells great. Were you responsible for breakfast today?"

"I woke up early, so I decided it was only fair that I helped Mr. Soares prepare everything."

"Still having trouble sleeping?," he asks while reaching for one of the maniocs, hissing as he realizes it's still hot.

Armie chuckles, shakes his head and hands him one of the aluminum plates, placing the manioc on it.

"No, I actually had a great night of sleep for the first time in almost three months. I do wonder why," he says with a cheeky grin, which makes Timothée cock his eyebrows.

"Oh, I see."

"What about you?'

"Couldn't have asked for a better night, to be honest."

Silence ensues and while they stare at one another, the smiles on their faces only seem to grow. Words are no longer necessary, they can understand one another pretty easily, their kiss breaking the last barrier that existed between the two of them.

"Can I talk to you later? Before we start today´s journey?"

Timothée frowns, but nods his head slowly.

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything's perfect, I just want a moment for ourselves."

"Fine by me."

Armie nods, taking a few sips of his coffee as his eyes wander around the group that is gathered by the fire. Mr. Soares is deeply focused in the conversation he is having with Ms. Johnson, Mr. Rodriguez is secluded with his friends and Catherine, with a gentle smile on her lips stares back at him, almost as if she understands exactly what just happened between him and Timothée. And to be completely honest, he is almost certain that she does.

What he doesn´t know is if she would say anything about it or not.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Armie leans against a tree, arms crossed above his chest as he stares into space, the sounds of the forest and the group all in the distance, a mere murmur in his mind. He can´t stop thinking about the previous night, the way it felt to hold onto Timothée´s waist and pull his body closer to his, the soft touch of his lips against his and the sweet moan he produced when the kiss intensified and their tongues fought for control of the action.

He chuckles to himself, butterflies in his stomach as he realizes how eager he is to repeat it all once again. He has to admit, the thrill of doing things in the middle of the forest, hidden but still in plain sight to everyone around them, can be quite electrifying and instigating. Never in his life had Armie expected to feel this way, specially when most of the time he did his best to keep things as low profile as possible. 

And sure, he wants to believe him and Timothée have managed to do that to some degree, but there are still other thirteen pair of eyes on them and it would be stupid of his part not to acknowledge the great possibility that people know about them. Although, he is pleased that if they do, no one has done or said anything to intimidate them in any way.

Unless you count Mr. Rodriguez remarks, but he is the last thing Armie is thinking about at the moment, because even though there is still a fear of being exposed, he is feeling more in touch with himself and therefore with his sexuality. Perhaps this trip was what he needed to finally stop with the lies.

Caught up in his own thoughts, Armie completely ignores the sound of footsteps that approach him, startling himself when hands reach out to his waist and a tongue flicks across his earlobe. He closes his eyes, a smirk forming on his lips as he feels Timothée´s hot breathing against his skin and his sweet voice whisper in his ear.

"I thought you had forgotten about me," Armie whispers back, looking at him over his shoulder.

"I hate to admit, but I haven´t been able to do that ever since I saw you for the first time in that hotel room."

Armie smirks, eyes wandering around them for a second before he grabs into Timothée´s waist and pulls him closer, their bodies pressed together as Timothée rests his hand on his chest, a cheeky grin plastered on his face as his eyes look at him with a mix of amusement and lust.

"You have any idea how incredible last night was for me, Hammer? I barely managed to get any sleep, because all I could think about was how much I wanted to jump on you, kiss you again and tear off your clothes one by one."

"You are a dangerous one, Chalamet."

"As dangerous as you would like me to be," he winks, hands sliding through Armie´s beard, only so he can then tangle his fingers into his blond hair.

Armie moans softly, tilting his head back and giving Timothée the chance to latch himself into his neck, kissing, licking and sucking on the tender skin. He sinks his nails into his skin, drawing out a little whimper from Timothée, who presses his body closer to his, the friction of their cocks rubbing against their jeans driving him wild.

_ I thought you called him here to talk? _ , He thinks to himself, before taking Timothée´s face in his hands, staring down at him with a serious expression. He tries, he really does his best to keep himself together, but the mere sight of Timothée´s pink lips so close to his causes Armie to lose all his cool. He wraps an arm around his waist, crashes their lips together and kisses him with a hunger he didn´t even know he had.

Timothée moans softly through the kiss, his arms wrapped around Armie´s neck, his body pliant against his. He can feel the goosebumps that appear in his arms, the warmth of his skin increasing as the kiss progresses and when they eventually pull away, Timothée´s labored breath and flushed cheeks is one of the most adorable things Armie has ever seen.

"I knew you had some raging fire deep inside of you, Hammer, I just didn´t know it would be this intense."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Oh trust me, it´s a great thing," he bites his lip, fingers running through his curls, trying to look somewhat presentable. "Is this what you wanted to talk about?"

"Actually," Armie starts, trying to get his breathing back to normal. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright, because I sensed you were a bit tense earlier this morning."

Timothée smiles, his hands playing with the neck of Armie´s shirt, his eyes wandering down to the peek of chest hair that appears when he pulls on the shirt. He bites his lip, his cheeks turning a bright crimson once again as he finds Armie´s gaze.

"If I am being honest, I was simply trying to keep myself from jumping on you."

"What?"

"I just told you, I spent most of my night thinking about you, wishing I could kiss and touch you again. When I woke up and had to pretend nothing happened, it wasn´t exactly easy to do, so I had to hold myself back."

"Are you serious?"

"I am not one to lie, Hammer."

Armie chuckles. "I little part of me was worried that you might have had changed your mind about us, yet all you were trying to do was not fuck me in front of everyone."

"Ugh," Timothée groans, pulling Armie closer. "Do you have any idea how sexy you are when you are this raw, unfiltered version of yourself?"

Armie stares down at him, an amused smile on his face as words fail him once again, something Timothée seems to be mastering in lately. He leans closer to him, thumbs gently stroking his cheeks and then his lip, which he pinches between his thumb and index finger, pulling on it gently.

Timothée moans softly, his green eyes locked on Armie, a mischievous expression on his face. Armie chuckles, slides his hand to his hair and tugs gently on it, amused to see how Timothée immediately closes his eyes and thrusts his hips forward, pressing it against his.

"Just quit teasing me, Hammer," he stammers.

Armie kisses him once more, except this time is a soft and short kiss, which leaves Timothée earning for more. He smiles, runs his fingers through his hair and then clears his throat, smoothing out his clothes as Timothée stares at him dumbfounded.

"Are you seriously gonna leave me hanging?"

"I´m afraid we are running out of time here, Timothée. Mr. Soares will be leaving camp in a few minutes and we better be among the group when he does that, don´t you think?"

"What? Scared someone might find us when you got your pants down to your ankles?"

He smirks, shaking his head. "Sometimes you sound like the devil on my shoulder."

"I promise to be a good devil."

Armie nods, holds onto his chin and plants another sweet kiss on his lips, only to step back shortly after. He gestures for Timothée to walk, trying his best to keep a serious expression, but he simply can´t help but smile when he is around. Rolling his eyes, Timothée eventually turns on his heels and marches away from Armie, stealing a few quick glances at him over his shoulder.

Inhaling deeply, Armie fixes his shirt once more and then follows Timothée´s trail, the voices of the rest of their group growing louder with every step he takes.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The sun has given a break and while the day remains hot and humid, the clouds that take over the sky help lessen the difficulty of the walk, that goes through tilted ground, rocks and narrow pathways. Armie and Timothée remain close, stealing quick and knowing glances from one another, cheeky smiles appearing on the corner of their lips whenever they catch each other's eyes.

Ahead of the group, Mr. Soares seems the most excited he has been in days, gesticulating all around the place as he talks non stop, his eyes gleaming with pride and wonder. Armie can´t help but smile, listening carefully to every single word he says, despite a part of him wishing he could swing his arm across Timothée´s waist and bring him into a heated kiss.

He feels almost like an addicted man at this point, craving desperately for even one second of the bliss that is Timothée´s lips. He glances down at him when he notices his stare, cocking his eyebrow in wonder as Timothée simply shrugs. He chuckles, nudges him and gestures towards Mr. Soares, trying to force Timothée to pay attention to what the man is saying. After all, the forest is the real reason why they are all there.

"...but scientists claim that the forest´s infertile soil may not have allowed past civilizations to have developed here in the past, let alone advanced ones covered in gold."

"But that doesn´t necessarily mean that hasn´t been any civilizations here apart from the native indians, right?," Armie questions, attracting Mr. Soares´s attention.

"Oh no, you are absolutely right. Researchers have found evidence of darker dirt in the ground, which suggests that someone moved it here, probably trying to change the fertilization of the ground."

"Wow, that's fantastic," Timothée mumbles, completely drawn to the stories he is hearing. "This place is a lot more than I could have ever predicted."

"You have no idea of the wonders of this forest, Mr. Chalamet. I have many curiosities about it, which I will gladly tell you all if you´re willing to hear."

"I think that is exactly why we are here, right?," Catherine pitches in, a small smile on her face as Armie glances at her.

"She's right."

Mr. Soares smiles, nodding eagerly as he takes in a breath as if trying to figure out where to start.

"First inhabitants of the forest date from 11,2 thousand years ago, but scientists estimate that the forest has existed for at least 55 million years."

"55 million years," Armie mumbles to himself, completely astonished with the fact.

"...and there are 400 billion trees in the forest, from 16 thousand different species."

"This place sounds like something out of a fairytale," Timothée whispers to Armie, his eyes wide.

"Aren't you glad you get the chance to see it all in person?," he asks, his eyes wandering around the place. "If I had just heard all of this, it wouldn't even come as close as it is to be in the middle of it all, hearing all the animals, seeing all the trees and being able to experience the marvel that this place is."

Timothée chuckles, eyes stuck on Armie´s. "You have fallen in love with this forest, haven't you?"

"Maybe a little bit."

"...now this is one of my favorite things and something that most people don´t know. After many years of research, scientists have realized that there's a phenomenon that happens at least once a year that connects the Amazon Forest to the Sahara Desert," Mr. Soares trails off, turning around to face the group, which stares back at him with inquisiting eyes. "I got your attention now, huh?"

"What exactly is this phenomenon?"

"Every year because of the wind hundreds of millions of tons of dust leave the deserts of Africa, cross the Atlantic Ocean and reach North America, the Caribbean and South America, reaching the north of the Amazon through Venezuela."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, Mr. Hammer, I am very serious," he smiles, nodding his head. "The dust is invisible to the human eye, although the accumulation of it can be noticed. The thing is, the dust does have it´s good and bad side, because while it fertilizes the soil, it also affects the quality of our air."

Armie scoffs, eyes up to the sky as he registers everything Mr. Soares has just said. No matter how much he had imagined about the Amazon, it doesn´t even come close to all the things he is slowly figuring out.

"There are still isolated indigenous tribes who have never had contact with modern civilizations living here in the Amazon, some of them...."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


By the time they stop walking, the Sun is about to set, dark shades of orange and blue mixing up in the sky and projecting a completely different light into the forest that now seems to be something out of a painting or a mystery book. The trees cast shadows on the ground, the night animals come alive, making themselves heard while the darkness slowly takes it over.

Armie sets his things down on the ground, an astonished expression on his face as he stops to take a look at his surroundings. They have reached a clearing that is without any doubt the most beautiful one they have set camp so far, large enough to accomodate everyone in tents, build a nice little fire pit for them to sit around, share a meal and talk.

The trees surrounding the place come together at the top, creating a kind of roof over their heads and just a few feet away there´s a pond, clear and calm water that is so inviting Armie could jump into it right at this moment. He notices some commotion, looks to the side and realizes the photographers, Timothée included, are having the time of their life with the place, snapping photographs of every single corner.

He really can´t blame their excitement, the clearing sure is incredible and something Armie knows will be engraved in his brain for many years to come. Maybe even immortalized in one of his books, but by now he is certain the entire forest will be, since that is no doubt he will turn the Amazon into the main character of his next book.

He inhales deeply, slowly exhales and then sits down on the ground, tossing his boots to the side and sinking his feet on the dirt. He closes his eyes, appreciating the sensations the dirt and pebbles cause, connecting himself with nature in the most raw way possible. He reaches for his backpack, takes his tent out and sets it to the side, leaning against the nearest tree so he can rest for a moment.

He takes a few sips of water, eyes paying meticulous attention to every single person and group he spots. He takes in everyone's mannerisms, the way they move around, how they carry themselves and the way they speak. All of them possible characters in his upcoming book, which he crafts in his head more and more every single hour that passes.

When his eyes land on Timothée though, a wide smile spreads across his face and he remembers his words right on the first day of them in the Amazon, when he asked if Armie would make him the main character of his new book, which at the time was only an amusing request, but now was reality. He would be lying if he said that whenever he pictured his new book, Timothée wasn´t the main character, that guy that would do anything to sort out the mystery that surrounded him and save the day.

"Am I interrupting you?"

Armie snaps out of his thoughts, raising his gaze to see Catherine standing there, hands behind her back and a tender smile spread across her pale face. Her red hair is blowing with the breeze, her freckles a lot more prominent now than they were days ago. He smiles in return, gestures to the space beside him and watches as she sits down, pushing some of her hair back.

"I wanted to talk to you, but I can do it some other time if you would prefer."

"No, it´s okay. Is everything alright?"

"Yes," she says excitedly. "I actually have a proposal to make you."

"A proposal?"

Catherine nods. "I have written many essays throughout my career, but always from my point of view and my relationship with the animals I have encountered in my travels. I wanted to do something different this time, so I thought of gathering testimonies from a selection of people here and adding it to my studies, which I plan on turning into a book later on."

Armie frowns, processing all the information in his brain. "So, you basically want me to share my experience about the expedition to you?"

"Yes, that's basically it. I want to gather as many experiences as possible and then transform that into a little reliquary of this amazing expedition. As a best selling author, I have a feeling you would be an incredible addition to this project."

"Okay," he says with a nod. "That sounds quite interesting, I would be delighted to be part of it."

"Thank you."

"Who else have you talked to?"

"Mr. Soares, of course, but also Ms. Johnson, Mr. Jones, Leslie, Thomas and Timothée, who seems extremely excited with the idea."

"Timothée loves to share his thoughts, of course he is excited about it."

Catherine smiles, nodding her head slowly. "You two seem to have grown close, right?"

"I suppose you can say so," Armie shrugs, stealing a quick glance at Catherine.

"I´m happy you found him. I mean, I don´t know you that well, but you seem to smile a lot more when he is around, so I'm glad you now have one another."

"What do you mean by that?"

She sighs, arms crossed as she looks over at him. "I saw him entering your tent the other night and following you into the forest yesterday, but I also have eyes and can read people quite well, so it wasn´t that hard to figure out."

Armie hears the words, but for some reason he has a hard time reacting to them. He simply stares back at Catherine perplex, his jaw clenched and his lips quivering in an attempt to say something, although it is futile.

"I shouldn´t have said anything," Catherine practically whispers, rubbing her hands on her jeans as she turns to face Armie, who remains in silence. "I never meant to worry you, Armie. I noticed you and Timothée had some sort of connection from day one, but I have also heard the rumors about you and know how private you have always been about your life, so I didn´t say anything. The truth is, I believe everyone should be free to be whoever they want to be, do whatever they wish and love unabashedly, no matter who they love. So, please, know that you have no reasons to worry about me, I won´t tell anyone about you two."

Armie cocks an eyebrow, genuinely surprised with Catherine´s words, although he always knew she was a good person and someone he could trust in.

"Thank you," he finally manages to say.

"There's no need to thank me, this is your life and I have no right to go around talking about it. But I do want you to know that I am here for whatever you need and that I can see how much you like one another."

Armie feels his cheeks burning and can bet his whole face is turning a bright shade of red.

"I better go and get my tent ready, I´m really tired after all of this walking we did today."

Armie nods. "Thanks again."

Catherine nods back at him, pats his back and pushes herself up, heading across the clearing to where she left her things, right beside Ms. Johnson´s tent. He watches her for a minute more, realizing that for once he isn´t scared of the fact someone knows about him. Catherine seems like someone he can rely on, even if he doesn´t know her much and so, he will follow his gut.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Night has fallen and the camp has gone quiet, every single member of the group recluse in their own tents, most of them already fast asleep, while some braver ones remain awake, the lights from their flashlights creating small spots of lights on the clearing. Sitting quietly on his tent, Armie has his notebook open in his lap, his pencil tapping against the blank page as he tries to get his thoughts in order.

So much had happened during the day, so much new information had been thrown at him, so many different sensations had consumed him, he couldn´t really wrap his head around where to start. Catherine´s revelation, Mr. Soares´s enthusiasm as he shared stories about the forest or the ever growing desire he had inside of him, that craved and begged for more of Timothée.

They had kissed for the first time last than twenty four hours ago, had shared a few minutes of intimacy earlier that day and yet, Armie didn´t think it was enough, but he was aware that maybe it would never be enough, because he wants Timothée beside him every single minute of his life. His face floods his thoughts, his scent is still present around him and his taste lingers on his lips like the finest wine.

All the fear he had inside of him, the apprehension of giving himself in to someone so open and free, had given space to a much more deeper and meaningful feeling. And if Armie was being completely honest, there was a part of him that wanted to shout from the top of his lungs that Timothée was the reason he felt alive again.

With a sigh, he closes the notebook, aware there is absolutely no reason to go on trying, at least not at the moment. He puts the notebook aside, under his backpack and then runs his fingers through his hair, about to reach out for one of the books he brought with him when he hears movement outside his tent. He frowns, notices the footsteps are inching closer, but has no time to do anything. Abruptly, the mesh door of his tent is lifted and Timothée pokes his head in, his curls falling down his forehead in a complete mess. 

Armie chuckles at first, but staring back at him, he soon realizes there is something in Timothée´s eyes, a hunger of sorts that sends an immediate shiver down his spine. He bites his lip, sits up straight and watches as Timothée takes one quick look around himself before entering the tent, zipping it closed and crawling his way over to him. Without putting much thought into it, Armie reaches out for his flashlight and turns it off, causing their shadows on the outside to completely disappear.

His eyes are locked on Timothée´s the whole time, his heartbeat increasing with every move he makes. Once Timothée is right upon his face, Armie´s eyes wander from his eyes to his lips, which seem to call out for him. His hand reaches out for Timothée´s face, cradling it as he pulls him closer, slamming their lips together and kisses him furiously, unleashing all the pent up desire he has inside of him.

He slides his hand down to Timothée´s waist, holding tightly as he finally sits on his lap, their bodies now pressed against one another. Armie moans softly, feeling Timothée´s fingers slide through his hair, grip on it and then pull it gently. He can feel his body heating up, the shivers running down his spine and most importantly, the sudden tightness of his pants as his cock starts to harden.

He deepens the kiss, although a part of himself wonders how that is even possible at the moment, then allows his hands to invade Timothée´s shirt, feeling his smooth skin against his palm, sinking his nails on it until he is certain he has left a mark.

He feels Timothée move his hips back and forth, a very gentle and slow movement, but that sure causes his cock to grow painfully hard in the confines of his pants. He pulls on Timothée´s bottom lip, raving on the sound it causes him to make. Suddenly, Timothée has his hands down on his chest, his fingers tangled on his chest hair for a while, only to slide further down, tracing his stomach and then disappearing in between them and inside his pants, wrapping it tightly around his cock.

"Timothée, we..."

"Please," Timothée begs, his hand already slowly stroking him up and down. "I can be quiet."

"It´s too dangerous."

"And exactly why it will be so good," he fires back, his hand picking up a quicker pace, which causes Armie to grunt.

Armie looks back at him, licking his lips as Timothée puts on his now so familiar mischievous smile, the lust in his eyes bigger than anything Armie has seen before. He reaches out for his shirt, pulls it off of him swiftly and then pulls his body closer, his lips laying kisses all around his skin.

Timothée moans softly, his fingers tangled on his hair, pulling it from time to time. He takes one of his nipples in his mouth, twists his tongue across it and smirks as Timothée trembles from head to toe, his grip around him tightening. He moves to the other, repeating exactly the same movements, while his hands slide down to his pants, unzipping them as fast as he possibly can.

Wrapped around a fog of pleasure and desire, Armie watches as Timothée raises up from his lap, kicks his pants and underwear off and then sits back down, his naked body now on top of him. He pulls back a little, his eyes staring at him up and down, savoring the view as Timothée bites his lip.

"I want you to fuck me," he whispers in Armie´s ear.

Armie´s whole body reacts to the way he delivers those words, the brushing of his lips against his ear so delicate and yet so erotic, he can barely control himself. He pulls him closer again, kissing him hungrily while his hands slide down his back and over to his petite ass, squeezing and sinking his nails into it. He slowly moves closer to his rim, circling delicately at first, hearing the soft and low gasps that Timothée produces.

Once he finally lets a finger in, Timothée holds tight onto his shoulders and arches his back, his body tense, burning in feverish desire. Armie pulls away, gazing up at Timothée, who has his eyes closed and lips parted as he moves back into his finger, nearly fucking himself in it. If he had ever seen anything more deliciously erotic, Armie really can´t remember.

With one hand he fumbles around the tent until he finds his backpack, reaching for any pocket he can find until he finally picks up a small package. Timothée looks down at him, glossy eyes but a wide smile on his lips; he takes the package in his hands, rips it open and takes the condom in his hand, rolling it onto Armie´s cock.

He then nods, a quick and almost imperceptive nod, but is all that Armie needs to take his finger out of his ass and bring him closer, feeling the tip of his cock nestled in between his ass cheeks. He bites down hard on his lip as the first inches go in, the tightness and warmth of it almost too much to handle. Armie takes a deep breath, his hand holding tightly onto Timothée´s waist as he keeps lowering himself onto his cock until it is all inside of him.

At that point they stop, eyes locked and smiles on their faces as the sweat drips down their bodies. Timothée nods once again and then closes his eyes, throwing his head back as Armie starts to move his hips, thrusting into him slowly. They do their best to control their moans, kissing and biting one another, their hands exploring each other´s bodies, which move in perfect synchrony.

"You feel so good," Armie whispers, his lips tracing all over Timothée´s skin, kissing and licking him. He starts moving a bit quicker, his cock throbbing inside of Timothée, who goes pliant on top of him, face buried into his neck, while his nails scratch his back.

Armie kisses his neck and shoulder, hands groping onto Timothée´s ass, watching as his large hands start leaving faint reddish marks on his pale skin. He feels his orgasm approaching and Timothée´s moans getting slightly louder, which causes him to pull on his chin, making him face him.

"You gotta be quiet," he says softly, but there´s still an hint of a commanding tone to his voice, which Timothée seems to like. He smirks as his face lights up and then he kisses him again, one of his hands moving to his cock, which Armie strokes at the same speed of his thrusts.

They move faster, their chests rubbing together, the sound of their sweaty skin hitting against one another´s growing louder. Seconds later, Armie tenses up, his body seeming to have a mind of his own, giving powerful thrusts into Timothée, who grunts as he cums all over their stomachs.

Breathing heavily, Armie stares up at Timothée, pushing some of his hair back as he gives one last thrust, feeling his warm cum fill up the condom. Timothée closes his eyes, a lazy smile on his lips before he collapses on top of Armie, causing them both to fall down to the ground, chuckling.

As they slowly get their breathing back to normal, silence fills up the tent, their bodies still tangled in one another as the sounds of the forest start to creep up. Armie nuzzles up against Timothée´s curls, which feel extremely soft against his skin, his fingers gently tracing his spine.

It takes them a few minutes to even speak, silence so natural and comforting for them after a moment of pure and raw passion. When Timothée finally lifts up his face, staring back at Armie with tired eyes, Armie smiles, his thumb tracing his swollen lip.

"I should probably head back to my tent."

"Or you could stay here a little longer."

Timothée smiles at his words and Armie knows he didn´t expect to hear them, not when just three days ago Armie was kicking him out of the tent after only an attempt at a kiss. But things had changed and Armie was glad they had, because now he could see things more clearly and his feelings for Timothée were all that truly mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	8. I´m A Million Different People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another adventure

"Good morning."

The now familiar voice fills Armie´s ears the moment he exits the tent, the Sun already high up in the sky and the heat, like most of the days, borderline unbearable. Looking to the side, eyes narrowed thanks to the sunlight, Armie allows a smile to appear at the corner of his lips.

Timothée has that very distinguished smile of his creeping on his lips, in his eyes a different glow, which would intrigue Armie if he didn´t know exactly what was causing that glow. Or better yet, had caused.

"Good morning," he replies, while taking the mug Timothée offers in his hands. "Had a good night of sleep?"

"One of the best ones I had in months," Timothée can´t help but smirk, his fingers running through his dark curls before he crosses his arms and leans slightly against the tent. "What about you, Mr. Insomnia?"

"Like a fucking baby."

Timothée chuckles, bites his lip and takes in a deep breath, his eyes wandering around the camp area before settling back on Armie.

"Maybe your problem was too much pent up energy."

Armie rapidly notices the malice in Timothée ́s tone, which makes him laugh. He nods his head, takes a sip of his coffee and then steals a quick glance at him.

"I´ll take your diagnosis."

"You should, I am an excellent doctor."

Armie scoffs. "I am sure you are."

Timothée nudges him, eyes wandering from his eyes to his lips repeatedly and Armie can´t help but chuckle, not because it is funny or anything, but because he knows what Timothée wants right now is exactly the same as he does. He wants his lips against his again, hold him tight and feel his warmth. It's like they are inebriated, drugged on one another and as weird as it may sound, Armie doesn't ever want to feel sober again.

"I would kiss you if I could."

"I would let you"

Timothée bites his lip, inhaling deeply as he closes his eyes, his body slowly moving closer, inch by inch. Armie watches, desperate to reach out and touch, grab him in his arms, run his fingers through his hair and hear him moan. They have to control themselves though, maintain the charade.

"Mr. Soares," Timothée starts, letting out a sigh as he tries to compose himself. "Mr. Soares said we´ll leave camp after lunch. He wants us to have some time to explore the area, so maybe we could use this time to sneak out for a bit, have some time on our own?"

"That sounds lovely," he whispers back at Timothée, his eyes constantly wandering around the camp, making sure no one's watching them. "But where are we going to?"

"Anywhere we can be alone."

Armie smirks, but nods his head quickly. "Give me half an hour and we will meet around the pond, find somewhere we can be alone for a while."

"I cannot wait."

Armie notices the sudden darkness that seems to take over Timothée´s eyes, his tongue -absentmindedly or not- running through his lips in a nearly obscene gesture, that leaves him weak in the knees. One more minute there, staring back at Timothée and Armie wouldn´t be able to hold himself back; he would leap on him, crash their lips together and touch him once again, make him moan his name just like he did the previous night.

"I should go now," Timothée whispers, taking a few steps back.

Armie nods, watches in silence as Timothée turns on his heels, heading back to the fire pit, where Mr. Soares and most of their group gathers. He sighs, runs his fingers through his hair and quickly finishes his coffee, heading back inside his tent. He sits down, reaches for his pencil and sketchbook, opens in one of the empty pages and starts to scribble on it.

He smiles to himself throughout the whole thing, a few strands of hair falling down his forehead as his eyes remain focused on the page, which slowly by slowly is filled with a sketch of Timothée´s face. Armie spends a good amount of time on his eyes, making sure he can translate into paper the intensity of them, the amount of life and joy Timothée can convey through them.

Once happy with the result, it's Timothée´s lips that take over Armie´s mind. His thin, pink and delicious lips, which by now Armie can describe as if it was the palm of his hand. How could someone feel so drawn to someone else in such a short period of time? What kind of witchcraft had Timothée to leave him feeling this way?

Whatever it was, Armie didn´t really care, because he wouldn´t change a thing about their relationship. Whatever that relationship was.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Armie stands with his hands inside his pockets, his blue eyes gazing into the pond, the water so still it nearly scares him. He closes his eyes for a brief second, inhales deeply and then quickly exhales, a wide smile spreading across his lips as he recalls the previous night. He can hardly remember the last time he felt so much going through him, the last time he craved for someone´s body the way he craved for Timothée´s.

He never had a real, serious relationship in his life, which is not really a surprise considering how much he hides himself. So he went through years of meaningless flings, hook ups that sparkled some kind of joy and desire, but mostly didn´t do much for him. But things were different now, because for the first time in his life he felt like he could be heading towards something different, a relationship that even if new already meant a lot to him.

_ Take it easy, don´t get too caught up _ , he thinks to himself after a moment, a small chuckle escaping him. Just because he is completely enamored by Timothée, does not mean he can start projecting their future together. They know each other for eight days, he doesn´t know the magnitude of Timothée´s feelings for him, so it is better if for now he simply lives the moment and enjoys whatever it may come his way.

And with Timothée, Armie knows whatever comes will be fun, thrilling and sexy.

He runs his fingers through his hair, a large smile eating away his face and turns on his heels, frowning as he sees Mr. Rodriguez standing there, black eyes locked on him and a sly smile on his face.

"Can I help you with anything?"

"Not really," he replies, shrugging his shoulders. "But I saw your boyfriend wandering here a few minutes ago and you followed close behind, I wondered what kind of nasty thing you two were up to."

"Don´t you have anything better to do with your life than spy on others?," Armie asks, taking a step closer to him. "Or you are just looking for another punch so a cheek can match the other?"

"Oh," a sarcastic laugh echoes from him while he shakes his head. "Interesting how tough you get whenever I mention the fag, isn´t it? I wonder what kind of services he is...let´s say providing you, so you can get so protective of him."

Almost immediately, Armie takes a step forward, his jaw clenched as he stares down at Mr. Rodriguez, who does not move a muscle. He is clearly enjoying this, marvelling himself as he provokes Armie.

"Is everything okay around here?"

Catherine's voice comes unexpectedly, her serious expression as she approaches them taking Armie off guard. He did not notice anyone else was around, watching as he slowly lost his temper and nearly swung his fist into Mr. Rodriguez's face once more. The anger he felt inside of him wasn't exactly something he was proud of.

"Everything is just dandy," Mr. Rodriguez says quickly, that sly, mocking smile of his never disappearing from his face. "Mr. Hammer and I were just talking a little bit, burying the hatchet."

"Were you?," Catherine asks, clearly not falling for his nonchalant response. Her eyes wander to Armie, who remains in silence and completely still, although it is easy to see the veins in his neck and temple popping out. "Mr. Rodriguez, would you mind if I talked to Mr. Hammer for a moment?"

"Oh be my guess," he shrugs. "We were done anyway."

With rage still boiling inside of him and eyes darker than usual, Armie watches as Mr. Rodriguez spins around, arms crossed as he walks away from them, whistling. And while Armie had run into his fair share of ignorant, mischievous assholes, he could not fathom how someone could be so cold hearted like Mr. Rodriguez.

"Are you alright?"

His eyes wander to Catherine as he sighs, trying to put up a facade, although he knows he has failed the moment he sees the expression in her eyes. She is worried, clearly aware that whatever happened between him and Mr. Rodriguez was far from a simple conversation or them burying the hatchet as he said.

"No, I am not okay," he admits. He looks down at his hands, which at some point he had turned into fists and bites hard on his lip, until he almost tastes the blood. He sighs, eyes flickering towards Catherine, who remains close by, waiting for him to say something. "I don't know why, but this man has the ability to infuriate me in ways no one has ever been able to do. I look at him now and all I want to do is punch that smug smile out of his face, which leaves me hating myself for even having those thoughts."

"Armie..."

"That's not who I am, Ms. Willians. I'm not the type of person who engages in brawls and alterations, I have always been a man of peace."

"Armie, you cannot control your feelings. We all lose our temper at times, it's part of human nature and nothing to be ashamed of. But if I can give you an advice, it´s to simply steer away from Mr. Rodriguez at all times, because it is pretty clear to me that he wants you to lose your temper and do something against him."

"But why?"

"Because sadly, for some people, violence is all there is in the world."

Armie shakes his head, feeling his shoulders relax, although he is still tense and flushed. He closes his eyes, inhales deeply and then slowly exhales, trying to tell himself Catherine is right and Mr. Rodriguez doesn't deserve his time or his anger. There are far better things to do than scoop down to his level.

"Armie," she says softly, a hand on his chest. "Mr. Rodriguez wants you to lose your cool, do something irrational so he can use that against you. After what happened the other day, him getting punched by you, Mr. Soares forcing him to apologize to you and Timothée, he's angry and he will try to find a way to retaliate. But please, remember you don't have to play his game."

"I know," he stammers. "But for some reason it hasn't been easy to hold myself back around him."

"We are trapped in a forest, there is no way you can actually escape him, which I guess makes the whole thing worse. Just remember that there is so much more you can focus your mind on, he shouldn't at all be a priority."

"Thank you," Armie smiles, placing his hand on top of hers. "You should really reconsider your title as animal specialist and just turn into human behavior. You are really good at this advice thing, a career in psychology could do you well."

"I will keep that in mind," she chuckles, patting Armie's back. "While don't you go drink some water and clear your head? I think you need that right now."

Armie frowns, remains in silence for a moment more and then nods, following Catherine back to the common camp area. Still affected by the recent events and the words of Mr. Rodriguez, Armie doesn't even notice Timothée emerging from the trees.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Armie stands in the middle of the clearing, arms crossed above his chest and blue eyes carefully examining his surroundings. The camp has been dismantled, the fire already put out and their tents packed along with their belongings. All there is left now is for Mr. Soares to call out the group, a sign that their daily routine is about to start again.

Most of the group gathers around close to the pond, appreciating the view while chatting about their experiences so far. Timothée however is nowhere to be seen, having fled from the common area as soon as he fixed his tent, leaving Armie with no time to approach him and explain exactly why he missed their encounter.

_ Is he mad? Of course he is mad _ , he shakes his head, fingers running through his hair and he turns on his heels. He looks around the area, debates with himself where Timothée could have wandered off to and prays to all known Gods, even the ones he doesn´t particularly believe in, that he is safe and sound no matter where he is.

He sighs, wanders into one of the many trails that lead to the clearing and patiently walks through the sea of trees, eyes attentive to any possible movement around him. It doesn´t take him long to find Timothée, who is leaned against a tree, head down as he goes through his camera.

Armie stops a few feet away from him, a smile spreading across his face as he observes him in complete silence, memorizing every little gesture he makes. If later that day him and Timothée were set apart and never saw one another again, Armie knows he would still remember everything about him, from the freckles in his nose, to the way his eyes seemed to change to a gold when the light hit it or how his curls had a nature highlight to them.

Suddenly aware of his presence, Timothée raises his gaze and their eyes meet, the serious expression in his face one Armie isn´t exactly used to seeing, but understands quite well. He had promised to meet him, take advantage of one of the few moments of peace they would have for the day and yet he bailed on him. And sure, Mr. Rodriguez had been the reason why it happened, but Timothée did not know that and probably had a dozen different ideas of why Armie would simply ignore them. All of them probably far from reality.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came looking for you."

"Ms. Willians was not available?"

"What are you...," Armie trails off, head tilting to the side as he smirks. "Are you jealous?"

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous, Hammer? Because we had sex and then you ditched me to be with someone you can actually be seen with?"

Armie feels his heart sink in, his blood boiling once again, although this time he is the one at blame. Things had happened in a quite a hurry, from their kiss, to making out in the forest, to their night together, they had not talked about the fact that whatever relationship they were in, was doomed to be a secret, even if not forever.

He turns his gaze down to the ground, smacks his lips together and closes his eyes for a brief second, doing his very best to contain the self hatred that suddenly consumes him. Timothée was a man used to living life to the fullest, open to experiences and everything that came his way. He did not hide himself in any way or form, but now because of Armie, he would have to do it.

"I am sorry," Armie finally manages to say as he takes a step closer. "I never meant to hurt you in any way, Timothée, nor did I ditch you to be with Ms. Willians."

"I saw you with her."

Armie frowns, but quickly understands what he means. He closes the gap between them, a finger lifting Timothée´s chin so they can look one another in the eye.

"I was at the pond waiting until I could go and find you, but just as I was about to do it, Mr. Rodriguez appeared and started saying some atrocities to me. I got angry, nearly punched him again, but Ms. Willians showed up before I could do it and helped me realize that I was falling into his trap."

"What?"

"He has been trying his best to irritate us, Timothée, force us to do something that he can use against us. I almost fell for it earlier today, but Ms. Willians helped me calm down, she tried to make me understand that he isn´t worth our time. But it was just that, nothing else."

Timothée stares back at him for a few seconds, completely in silence and with an expression Armie can´t quite read. Then all of a sudden he sighs, eyes down as he shakes his head in frustration.

"I´m sorry."

"I am the one who should be apologizing," he replies as Timothée raises his gaze back at him with a frown. "I was so caught up on how great I was feeling after everything that happened between us, I didn´t stop to think about the fact that while I am going through the most exhilarating moment of my life, you are probably struggling with the idea of hiding yourself from others."

Timothée blinks, his serious expression quickly turning into a much more relaxed one, a smile hinting away as he reaches out to hold onto Armie´s waist.

"I am not gonna lie to you, Armie, I am not used to living in the shadows. I have never lied about who I am or who I want to be with, but I also understand that not everyone's life is like mine. You have your reasons to do things the way you do, reasons which I know of and understand, it's up to me now to decide if you are worth all the trouble or not."

A moment of silence follows and Armie feels his mouth going completely dry.

"Am I?"

"I would say you are," he finally smiles. "Although I could change my mind by the time this whole expedition is over. Until then, I am more than okay to sneak around with you, because that is a lot more thrilling and sexy than I was expecting it to be."

Armie chuckles, a huge weight being lifted off of his shoulder as Timothée embraces him, burying his face in the crook of his neck, his nose nuzzling against his skin. He closes his eyes, lets out a breath and tightly wraps his arms around Timothée´s waist, keeping his warm body close to his.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Under the scorching Sun of another January afternoon in the north of Brazil, the group follows Mr. Soares steps through a slightly rocky ground, the sound of birds growing louder and crawling animals passing them by from time to time. The trees that surround them are all very distinguished, unique in their own way and attracting a lot of attention from everyone that passes them by.

Completely enamored by the colors around him and the vibrant atmosphere of the plants, Armie squats down on the ground, his hand reaching out to touch the tropical creepers, which seems to go on for miles, the thorn reminding him of cat claws. He looks over his shoulder, quickly noticing that the rest of the group has also stopped, some joining him on the ground to better appreciate the plants, while others spin around, eyes up to the sky.

Timothée is a couple of feet away, snapping photo after photo on his Polaroid camera, the smile on his lips reminding Armie of a child who has just discovered a new and mind blowing secret. He can´t be certain, but he believes that somehow, his own smile produces the same idea.

"I see you found some beautiful specimens here, Mr. Hammer," Mr. Soares says, squatting beside him and pulling on a small leaf. "This plant is called Unha de Gato, which literally means Cat Claws, given its thorns resemblance to it. The tree can get to 98 feet tall and the leaves are said to be medicinal, used to help with gastrointestinal problems and as an anti-inflammatory. Indian tribes here in the Amazon have been using the Unha de Gato for over two thousand years as a medicine."

"How exactly do they use it?," Timothée asks from the back, earning a little glance from Armie.

"Some say rubbing the leave against one´s skin is enough, but most seem to prefer to work on an infusion of the leaves, which results in a very nasty tea."

"Have you tried it?"

"Yes, Mr. Hammer, I have sadly tried before. My mother is of indian descent, therefore me and my brothers were always treated with plants and natural things. If none of that worked, then we would go to the hospital and get treated by doctors. And I have to say, while some of those teas and medicines were nasty things, most of the time it did cure us, or at least helped us in a way."

Armie smiles, his eyes wandering from Mr. Soares to the plant. "Is funny to think nowadays all people want is a pill that can cure them as fast as possible, but until a couple years ago we were still trying to find in nature the responses to our illnesses."

Mr. Soares nods, patting his back. "As the world evolves, people want whatever is faster, Mr. Hammer. I am afraid that as the years pass, we will lose ourselves in a fast paced life, which will leave us exhausted and perhaps even blind to what truly matters."

"I know where you are coming from," Armie assures him. "Yet, I still hope you are wrong."

"I hope so too, Mr. Hammer," he winks, pushing him up. "Okay, back to walking. We still have a long way to go and a lot of things to see."

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The Sun is starting to set, shades of bright orange filling up the sky. The group maintains a steady pace, walking down a small hill in route to their new camp, where they will finally get to rest and set up their hammocks. Armie is already dreading it, his back hurting at the mere thought of sleeping in such things once again, specially after two great nights in his tent.

Are you sure it was the tent that made things better?, he thinks to himself, his gaze falling upon Timothée, who walks slightly behind, his head down and hands holding tightly onto the straps of his backpack. Armie smiles at the sight of him, his cheeks flushed from the exercise and his curls a true mess; how can someone be so beautiful even when they are not trying?

Timothée raises his gaze suddenly and their eyes meet, an inquisitive look upon his face as Armie simply shrugs. He turns back around, but slows down his pace, feeling a stinging pain on the back of his thigh. He really should have done some exercise prior to the trip, prepare his body for the sudden workout, but of course he was too worried about discussing with his agent once again whether he should or not tell people the truth.

He sighs, shakes his head at himself and watches as most of the group surpaces him. He feels a tug on his arms and looks to the side, nearly yelping as Timothée pulls him to the side and slams him against a tree. He stares at him with wide eyes, but chuckles as he sees the cheeky little grin he has in his face.

"Are you serious? We are gonna lose the rest of the group."

"Mr. Soares told me the camp is just down this hill, I doubt we can get lost," he says, his tone low and seductive as he presses himself against him, his hands invading his shirt.

"You are completely insane, Chalamet."

"I thought that was what made me interesting?"

Armie can´t really say anything back since he is right, his quirky and witty way sure was what first attracted him to Timothée. He smiles, holding onto his waist and pulling him impossibly closer, his nose nuzzling against Timothée´s, who sticks his tongue out and drags it across his lips.

"You´re the wildest animal I am gonna face throughout this thing, aren´t you?"

"As wild as you want me to be," he whispers before pressing their lips together, his tongue immediately invading Armie´s mouth.

As he deepens the kiss, losing himself in Timothée´s taste, Armie slides his hand up his body, feeling him up before tangling his fingers in his hair and tugging on it slightly, hearing a low and soft moan escape through their pressed lips.

He bites on Timothée´s bottom lip and pulls on it gently, his eyes nearly rolling to the back of his head as Timothée slides a hand inside his pants, groping him through his boxers. He looks down at him, eyes dark with lust and breathing labored, his body already up in flames.

Timothée kisses and bites on his neck, stroking him gently at first, only to pick up the pace as the minutes pass. He pulls on his hair, watches in glee as Timothée closes his eyes and parts his lips, a moan echoing in the forest. Armie captures his lips on his once again, kissing him furiously as he feels his cock throb against his touch. It's incredible how Timothée can make him unleash all these deep and slightly dark desires he has inside of him with no shame. It´s different from everything he has experienced before.

"Timothée..."

"Are you gonna cum?," he asks, lips brushing against Armie´s ears.

Armie nods and all of a sudden he feels Timothée´s hand slip away from him, much to his surprise -and frustration. He opens his eyes, cocking an eyebrow as he sees Timothée take a step back and unbutton his pants, pulling them down to his ankles while getting down to his knees.

"What are you...," Armie doesn´t get to finish, he simply watches Timothée take his cock inside his mouth, his eyes never leaving his. Armie grunts, holds onto the back of his head and slowly moves his hips forward, thrusting into his mouth a couple of times before he cums, watching Timothée take it all without a struggle. He swallows hard, closes his eyes and tilts his head back, trying his best to get his breathing back to normal.

By the time he has found the strength to do anything, Armie finds Timothée standing close to him, buttoning his jeans as he keeps a wicked smile on his face. Armie shakes his head, in complete disbelief of what he had just done.

Never in his life he thought he would be getting a blowjob in a public place. Even less that the place in particular would be the Amazon forest.

His thumb caresses Timothée´s cheek, eventually wiping out a bit of cum that was lingering in the corner of his mouth. He then drags his thumb across his lips and watches as Timothée engulfs his finger inside his mouth, sucking on it for a moment before grabbing onto his shirt and kissing him.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The sky is filled with stars and the nocturnal animals quirp, filling the quietness with their unique voices. Lying on his hammock, feet hanging out, flashlight on and a book on his hand, Armie tries to focus on his reading, but he finds it hard to do, his mind constantly travelling back to Timothée and what they did earlier in the day. Watching Timothée take his entire cock in his mouth, sucking him dry was the most erotic thing he could think of, and the thought clearly wouldn´t leave his head anytime soon.

Maybe it never would and Armie would be totally okay with that. Happy even.

He smiles to himself, the acknowledge that whatever may happen, the days he is spending with Timothée, the experience he is having being with him, are things he will take for the rest of his life. He is thirty years old and just now he is getting the chance to explot certains things and desires that many get to do while their teenagers. And all because of Timothée, all because he had the guts to say yes to this expedition.

He closes his book, tosses it back to his backpack and places it on the ground under the hammock, leaning back afterwards. He keeps his eyes up to the sky for a moment, observing the stars, the way the clouds move and how some of trees seems to connect at the top. He feels at peace, as he haven´t felt in years and as he closes his eyes, a loud, but contented sigh escapes him.

His peace is disturbed swiftly though, because as he tries to drift off to sleep, Armie hears footsteps approaching, which forces him to open his eyes. Not at all surprised, he comes face to face with Timothée, who is leaning over him, a hand holding onto the knot of the hammock and a cheeky grin on his face.

"Hi."

"You shouldn´t wander around camp late at night, you might scare people off."

"If they cannot handle skinny little Timothée wandering in the dark, than those people shouldn´t even be in the middle of a forest."

Armie scoffs, completely amused by Timothée´s nonchalant ways. He sits up on the hammock, arms crossed and a somehow serious expression, which seems to amuse Timothée just as much.

"Shouldn´t you be asleep?"

"So should you, Hammer, but I am not here bothering you about it, am I?," he wiggles his brow, hand reaching up to hold onto Armie´s shirt, pulling him closer. "I couldn´t sleep, wondered that if I had to stay awake, then I would like to stay awake with you."

"What if I was already asleep?"

"Mr. Insomnia?," he mocks, shaking his head. "Please, I know you better than you imagine and I have a feeling you need me to get a good night of sleep lately."

"Mmmm, you might be thinking too much of yourself, Mr. Chalamet."

"No, I am not."

Armie smiles, his hand resting on top of Timothée´s as his eyes wander around the quiet camp. He bites his lip, moves his eyes back to Timothée and then quickly gets up, standing on opposite sides of the hammock.

"What?"

"We might end up waking people up," he explains, a quick gesture of his head signaling Timothée to follow him. He turns on his heels, walks across the camp area and then through the trees, being careful with his surroundings and making sure they are not too far away from the rest of the group.

"What are we...," Timothée trails off when Armie grabs his arm and pulls him closer, their bodies slamming together. He bites his lip, hands instantly moving inside Armie´s shirt, feeling the warmth of his body and the softness of his chest hair. "I really, really enjoy when you let your more adventurous side come out, Hammer."

"A lot more fun than the everyday side of me, huh?"

"No," he assures him, a gentle and genuine smile spreading across his face. "I happen to like every single side of you, actually. They are all very intriguing and sexy and...well, lovable."

"This may sound weird," Armie sighs, his fingers playing with the hem of Timothée´s shirt. "But you are the only person I feel truly comfortable to be myself. I mean, all the versions of myself I have inside of me."

"I´m honored."

"Does that scare you?"

"I don´t get scared very easily, Hammer."

Armie nods, his thumb tracing Timothée´s lips before he grabs onto his chin and pulls him closer, kissing him slowly at first, but building up as the seconds go by. As he slides his fingers to Timothée´s hair, gripping on to it, Armie smiles, aware that there is absolutely no other place he would rather be than in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	9. I´m Not Afraid

Grey clouds filled up the sky, the wind blowing and causing some of the trees to tremble, the leaves falling down to the ground. The forest seems to change with the weather, no birds or any other animals in sight and the silence, the silence is almost terrifying.

The hammocks are still hanging from the trees, the group slowly waking up and joining Mr. Soares by the fire, which comes in hand on the gloomy morning. He's heating up coffee, while some maniocs are toasted, the smell spreading around the entire camp.

Hidden behind some trees, but still close enough to hear any sudden movement, Armie leans against a trunk, his hands resting upon Timothée´s hips, while their lips move together, their tongues fighting for control in a battle with no losers.

Completely entranced, Armie sucks on his tongue, pulls his bottom lip and swiftly turns them around, pressing Timothée against the trunk. The kiss intensifies, his hands travel all around his body and he feels his hardening cock press against his leg. Armie would love to keep going, repeat the rendezvous from the previous day, but the last remaining bit of sanity in him tells him no. Not right now at least.

Breathless, flushed and with his hair disheveled, Armie pulls away slowly, his thumb gently tracing Timothée´s swollen lips. Their eyes meet and they hold each other's gaze, millions of words being said through their stare. Moment like this that seems so insignificant is when Armie is sure that the connection he has with Timothée is something completely new, something he might not be able to fully grasp, but that he adores.

"We should probably go," Timothée whispers, licking his lips.

"We should," he repeats, although unable to step away or make any sort of movement. "I don´t want it though."

Timothée smiles, nodding his head as his hand rubs against his beard. Armie kisses his palm repeatedly, but doesn´t dare to take his eyes away from him.

"We should have fled the rest of the group when we had the chance."

"Yes, we should," Armie agrees, their foreheads pressed together. "Although, I still wonder how on earth we would find our way back home."

"We can make Amazon our new home," he grins. "A brand new version of Tarzan and Jane."

Armie bursts out laughing, cradles Timothée´s face and plants a soft kiss on his lips.

"Why are you laughing?"

"The idea of us as Tarzan and Jane is quite amusing," Armie admits, a hand pressed against the tree trunk. "Also, who would be Jane?"

"You´re too brooding to be Jane, so I guess I will have to fill in that role."

"You would make a beautiful Jane."

Timothée shrugs, a little grin on his lips. As he hears voices, he looks to the side, noticing that back in the camp, most of their companions are already awake.

"We really should go."

Armie nods, pecks his lips and then finally manages to take a step back. He runs his fingers through his hair, fixes his buttoned down shirt and pants, then looks over at Timothée, who tries rather unsuccessfully to tame his curls. He chuckles, tucks one behind his ear and then gestures with his head, telling Timothée to go first.

He waits a couple of seconds and follows him, keeping himself close, but still distant enough not to raise many questions. By the time they reach the fire, the entire group is already there, some standing while others sit on logs, drinking their coffee and nipping maniocs.

Armie sits in between Timothée and Catherine, taking one mug in his hand and handing one over to Timothée, who gives him a small smile before sipping on the hot liquid. His eyes wander across the circle they have formed, trying to get a good understanding of what exactly they are all discussing, but once he realizes it's Mr. Rodriguez who is doing most of the talking, he wishes he could have gone deaf.

"...and no matter what you tell me, those people are not like us."

"What makes you say that, Mr. Rodriguez?"

"Well, Ms. Willians, ain´t it obvious?"

"I don´t believe so," she fires back and Armie glances at her. "I usually judge people by their actions, not for the color of their skin or their sexuality, so you are gonna have to enlighten me here. Why do you believe black people are different from us?"

"Because they are lesser than we are."

Armie frowns, his stomach turning around, the rage he has grown used to every single time he faces Mr. Rodriguez coming back to him like an avalanche. With every passing day, this man proves to him that he is one of the worst specimens of human beings.

"Funny you say that," Armie´s voice thunders across the camp. "Because as far as I can tell, you are lesser than most people I have encountered in my life."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me well, Mr. Rodriguez. You are a man of very dubious ideas, a man who rather speak ill of others than listen to what they have to say. You are right when you say black people are different from us, but it's only because they do not have the same opportunities we have. They have been treated like scum for decades and even now, in a world that claims to be equal for all, they are looked down upon."

"Huh," Mr. Rodriguez nods slowly, a condescending smile on the corner of his lips. "Why am not at all surprised you are the one defending those..."

"Those what?," Armie raises up from the log before Mr. Rodriguez can answer, perfectly aware of the word he was going to be using.

"You´re a disgrace, Hammer."

Armie´s hands turn into fists, the blood boiling inside of him and a shiver running down his spine. He could easily throw himself on top of Mr. Rodriguez, punch that condescending smile away from his face, but when Timothée reaches out, his gentle touch on his arm, Armie relaxes immediately, his eyes finding him.

"He is not worth it," he whispers as Armie nods.

"If for you having the minimum respect and sympathy towards someone is being a disgrace, then I am proud of being one."

With one swift movement, Armie turns on his heels, leaps over the log and walks away from the group, kicking a few rocks he finds on his way. He stops when he reaches the trees he was just a few minutes ago with Timothée, his heart beating like a drum and beads of sweat on his forehead. He swallows dryly, closes his eyes and leans his head back against the tree, inhaling deeply and slowly exhaling as he tries to get his breathing back to normal.

"Are you okay?"

Armie opens his eyes, shaking his head as Timothée reaches out to cradle his face, his thumb tenderly stroking his cheek, which he is certain is a bright shade of red by now.

"But I am going to be," he responds after a moment, a smile on the corner of his lips as Timothée nods, wrapping his arms around his torso and resting his head against his chest. Pleased by the gesture, that soothes him beyond words, Armie doesn´t even pay attention to their surroundings.

Right at that moment, he couldn´t care less if anyone saw them.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Armie sits quietly under a tree, his backpack resting in between his feet. Although there aren´t as many clouds as there was earlier in the morning, the sky remains a light shade of grey, which indicates the Sun might not come out at all during the day. While he knows most people would rather have the Sun shining down on them, Armie can´t help but be happy that the day might just be a little gloomy.

He raises his gaze as he hears footsteps, smiling softly at Mr. Soares, who takes a seat beside him, fingers intertwined and a serious expression on his face. They remain in silence for a moment, both of them staring ahead, watching as the rest of the group finishes packing their belongings. As usually happened, Armie was the first one to get ready.

"I came here to say I am sorry," Mr. Soares eventually says, earning a confused look from Armie. "For what happened earlier."

"Mr. Soares, you are not the one who should be apologizing here, you have done nothing wrong. Quite on the contrary, you have been able to keep yourself grounded and handled every problem we had with patience and care. Trust me, I don´t hold you responsible for any of these."

"Thank you for that," he nods. "But I still think it is my duty to come here and apologize for the situation that was created, for how it made you feel and everything. You shouldn´t feel like this place, the group we are in are not welcoming, that goes against the idea of the expedition."

"I understand what you are saying, but I also understand that as much control as you have, you cannot take responsibility for everyone's behavior. You met us nine days ago, you chose who you thought was most suited for the experience, but there was no way of knowing everything about any of us, if we would get along or the things we believe in. Trust me, Mr. Soares, I think you are doing an incredible job here."

Mr. Soares sighs, but nods his head.

"I always try my best to keep the group together, maintain cordiality and respect, but I do not always succeed. Never have I had to deal with someone quite like Mr. Rodriguez though, he seems very..."

"Small-minded," Armie interferes, a little grin on his lips as Mr. Soares shrugs, chuckling. "I´m afraid he is what he is, Mr. Soares, and no matter what you say or how many times you force him to apologize, he won´t change his ways. But don´t worry, on my end, I will do my best to avoid any confrontation."

"You know, if it wasn´t completely unethical of me, I wouldn´t mind leaving him behind."

Armie chuckles. "I can´t blame you for thinking about it."

"Thank you, Mr. Hammer."

"For what?"

"For the conversation," he replies. "But also for being the man that you are. You may not see it, but people here have a lot of respect for you."

"You think?"

"Oh, I know so. I have heard from more than one person in our group how happy they are to have you around, and not just because they have read your books before, simply because they are genuinely impressed by you."

"I´m such a normal guy."

"I think the more normal we think we are, the better impression we leave on people," he smiles, pats Armie´s shoulder and then pushes himself up, hands in his pockets as he strides across the camp.

A smile spreads across Armie´s face, a light blush taking over his cheeks as he repeats Mr. Soares´s words in his head. He did not expect people here to be impressed by him, not when they were surrounded by people from so many different backgrounds, with so many different interests. But he can´t help but feel a sense of pride too and as his eyes find Timothée looking at him from a distance, he smiles wide.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Despite the absence of Sun and the amount of clouds that took over the sky, the weather was still hot and humid, which made the long journey through the trees of the Amazon no less grueling than it had been the previous days. Sweating and panting, Armie stops walking, sinks to his right knee and takes a few deep breaths to try and get his breathing back to normal. While he is a fit and still young man, the paths they have to follow are complicated, the backpacks filled with books, notebooks, clothes and the hammock is heavy on their shoulders and adds an extra weight that they would all gladly do without, but sadly, all he had there was extremely necessary.

With a sigh and his heartbeat back to normal, Armie removes his buttoned down shirt, revealing a tight white tank top, which hugs his body perfectly and accentuates the muscles his shirt usually hides from view. He chugs down on his water bottle, knowing full well it would taste a lot better if it was cold, but in the current situation he finds himself in, any liquid would do him good. He drops some of the water on his head, runs his fingers through his hair and then pushes himself up, stuffing the shirt back into the backpack along with the water bottle.

His eyes find Timothée, who's standing a few feet away from him, hands gripping tightly onto the straps of his backpack and a rather seductive grin on his lips. His eyes wander up and down his body, his tongue languish trails his bottom lip and Armie cannot help but smirk. Timothée sometimes looks like someone straight out of a film or book, but Armie knows that's his way of teasing him, playing with his mind and leaving him on his toes. He's at the same time predictable and highly unpredictable, which leaves Armie in a continuous state of confusion and excitement.  _ What will he do next? _ , is a question that constantly takes him over.

Will he do the obvious thing? Or will he sweep him off of his feet with some trick he had under his sleeve?

"If I didn't know any better, I would be slightly creeped out by the fact you are standing there, simply staring at me like I am a piece of meat in the market."

"Well, I apologize for my behavior, Mr. Hammer. But I have got to admit, it's hard not to get caught up staring at you."

"Is that so?"

Timothée simply shrugs, his curls bouncing with the movement. At that moment, Armie smiles wide, always amused at how he manages to look so innocent and yet at the same time sensual and depraved. But the reality is, that much like him, Timothée also has many different sides. And Armie is fully aware he adores them all.

Armie closes the gap between them with just a few steps, his large six foot five body towering over Timothée, who has to tilt his back slightly to look him in the eye. He smiles, gently traces his finger down his jaw and leans forward for a soft and quick kiss. He chuckles as he pulls away, Timothée's eyes still closed, his lips parted and his cheeks a bright red. He remains quiet, watches as Timothée takes a breath, runs the tip of his tongue through his lip once again and then smiles back at him.

"C'mon, we shouldn't leave the group for so long."

Timothée nods his reply and turns on his heels, walking side by side with him, his green eyes glancing up at him each two seconds. That's when Armie realizes he did not just stay behind to gawk at him as he took off his clothes, there is clearly something else involved in this and Armie has a hunch he knows what is it.

"Why don't you just ask me?"

"Huh?"

"Here I was, thinking you stayed behind just to lust over me," he chuckles, nudging Timothée, who smiles. "I know you wanna ask, so just do it."

"Are you okay?," Timothée asks after a brief moment of silence, earning a tender look from Armie, who nods.

"Yes, I am. I admit Mr. Rodriguez got the best of me once again, but I promise you he won't do it again. I will not give him the satisfaction of getting what he wants from me."

"You are doing the right thing, Armie."

"If he wants to fight, he will have to find someone to do it, because from my part, all he's gonna get is a mediocre line in my next book."

"I say that is way more than he deserves already," Timothée shrugs, nudging Armie, who chuckles. He turns around so he can face Armie, a wicked grin on his face. "I'm still the main character of that book, right?"

"I never said you were."

As Timothée gasps, feigning surprise, Armie laughs, wrapping an arm tightly around his waist and pulling him closer, planting a kiss on his lips. Before Timothée gets too into it though, Armie pulls away and turns him around, pushing him forward and down the pathway. By the time they reach the group again, they are all gathered around, staring into the trees around them with wide eyes and amused expressions.

"What are they..."

Armie interrupts Timothée by pointing over to a tree, his eyes falling into a bird that calmly sits there in one of the branches, his feathers of bright and beautiful colors.

"Mr. Soares," Armie starts, finding him in the middle of the crowd. "What exactly are we looking at?"

"This is an Ara Chloropterus, but we call it Arara Vermelha. They are mostly found here in the Amazon, but it can be found in other parts of the country as well, although not as frequently. They eat small fruits, such as buriti, and often move in groups or pairs."

"It's beautiful."

"It truly is," Mr. Soares echoes, glancing over at Armie. "And we are bound to see some other beautiful and quite intriguing creatures today. We are in a very prolific area of the forest, so we have a few surprises coming our way."

"Anything in particular we should look out for?," Timothée questions, his camera in his hand as he moves his eyes around the area.

"If we are lucky, we might encounter a Harpia, which is one of the biggest hawks and considered the most powerful bird of prey in the world. Because of the animal's size and ferocity, the first explorers in Central America named them after the Harpias, which in Greek Mythology is the half-human and half-bird personification of storm winds."

"Sounds scary," Armie mumbles, earning a glance from Timothée.

"It can be a bit," Mr. Soares admits with a shrug. "I also hope we have the opportunity to see at least once Ariranha, also known as giant-otter. The truth is, there is so much beauty to be seen here, although they are not always fond of coming out when they notice too many people around. Trust me, you should consider yourselves lucky to have seen all you have this far."

"I am," Armie mumbles again, holding onto the straps of his backpack as he follows Mr. Soares. He smiles over at Timothée, who rushes to join them and then sighs, feeling fulfilled and happy.

Every single day, he is more certain that he did the right thing by choosing to go on the expedition.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Armie has his hands gripping tightly onto the straps of his backpack, his eyes down to the floor as the tiredness of the day starts to weigh on him. It's almost four in the afternoon, which means they have been walking for nearly five hours, short breaks here and there, so they can take some water, rest and observe their surroundings with more attention.

Glancing to his side, he quickly notices that Timothée is just as tired as he is, a thin layer of sweat coating his forehead, his cheeks flushed and his curls falling down his eyes. He looks like he is about to start panting, but he doesn´t stop not even for a second, keeping the pace Mr. Soares has set out for them.

Nudging him, Armie cocks an eyebrow, an inquisitive look on his face, which Timothée seems to understand right away. Without saying a word, he simply smiles and nods at Armie, letting him know everything's alright. Armie nods in return, but his eyes linger in Timothée for a moment more, just to guarantee he is okay.

Armie has developed a sense of protection towards Timothée and he knows he would do nearly everything to make sure he is always safe and sound.

When Mr. Soares comes to a sudden stop, everyone seems to let out a breath and Armie realizes that everyone is just as tired as him and Timothée. He gazes upon his companions, notices the heavy eyes, sweaty bodies and flushed faces; if nothing else, they are all going back home a lot more fit than they arrived.

"Why did we stop, Mr. Soares?," a voice echoes in the forest.

"You´ll see," is his reply, a cheeky grin on his face. "Just you wait."

Armie frowns, eyes wandering over to Timothée, who shrugs his shoulders. He takes a few steps closer to Mr. Soares, tries to listen to some sort of animal that might be approaching, or see something within the trees, but he gets absolutely nothing.

The look on Mr. Soares´s face, though, indicates that there is something to look forward too and Armie finds himself curious and anxious. He spins around, the silence that suddenly takes over the forest slightly scary and when he is about to ask what exactly they are supposed to wait for, something crosses the sky just above his head and he immediately looks up.

Then it happens again, and again, and again, one after the other, the unidentified animals cross the sky and fly above their heads, their colors mixing with the bright green from the tree leaves. Armie looks up stunned, unable to remember ever seeing something so magical in his entire life.

He glances around, watching with a smile as all the photographers grab their camera and register the moment; the exotic animals experts completely dumbfounded by the experience and every single member of their group simply amazed. He chuckles softly, watches as one of them flies lower and stops by a branch, its large wings displaying a design that resembles a snake.

"What is this?," Armie and Timothée ask in unison, their eyes meeting before they turn their focus to Mr. Soares.

"Attacus atlas," Catherine practically whispers as she approaches the one that had stopped by the branch, her hand instinctively reaching for it, although she stops herself midway.

"Exactly," Mr. Soares responds, nodding his head. "Attacus atlas, also known here as Mariposa-atlas, it has this name thanks to its large size, being considered the largest butterfly in the world. Apart from Brazil, it is also found in Thailand, Indonesia and India."

Armie steps closer to Catherine, his eyes locked on the butterfly, that slowly flaps its wings and flies away from them, back to the sky. He glances up, still in trance over the beautiful flock they form just above their heads.

"You were not kidding when you said there was a lot more to see around here," Timothée says.

"And there is so much more you probably will never be able to see," Mr. Soares says with a quick shrug. "But I am happy we got to experience this, it´s a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am sure you will never forget it."

"I certainly won´t," Armie replies, turning back to face them. "I might have to accompany you through the forest at least once a year, Mr. Soares."

"I will be glad to have you around more often, Mr. Hammer."

Armie smiles, nodding his head as Mr. Soares pats his back and gestures with his head. They had their time, watched the butterflies and now is time to walk again, preferably to their new camp.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


The new camp resembled their first one, small and surrounded by trees, their hammocks already tied up and ready to be used. While sitting on his, Armie has his eyes down to his sketchbook, which he places on his thighs as he traces the pencil on what used to be a blank page. The butterflies they saw earlier had inspired him and now he was filling the page with them, their large wings wide open, exposing different variations of the same pattern.

He stops, leans back and smiles down at his work, quite pleased with what he accomplished. Drawing and journaling his experiences has helped him keep a better track of days, not to mention this would also serve as material once he was back in his apartment in New York, writing his next book. The ideas that sprung into him with each passing day, the way the animals inspired him, it all served a bigger purpose and he was going to leave the forest with exactly what he came after.

Inspiration. But surprisingly enough, it wouldn't be just inspiration for his work, but also for his life in general. The people he met, the places he saw, the experiences he went through and most important of all, Timothée, it all helped him see the world in a different way. Now all he had to do was find the strength within himself, which would lead him to actually accomplishing the changes he knew he had to make.

Armie could find a life of joy and peace again, he just had to try.

Hearing footsteps, he glances over his shoulder and smiles, watching as Timothée approaches him, his arms crossed and his eyes sparkling under the moonlight. He stops by the tree, leans against it and holds onto the ropes of his hammock, his green eyes moving from his face to the sketchbook that still lies on his lap.

"I hope I am not interrupting you."

"You never do."

"Okay," he nods, taking a seat on the hammock too, but making sure he is as far away from Armie as possible. "Can I see it?"

Armie looks down at the sketchbook and then back at Timothée, biting his lip as he debates on whether he should or not give it to him. There isn´t anything explicit of shameful in those pages, and while he knows Timothée isn´t the type to get embarrassed easily, Armie still doesn´t know how he would handle the fact he is featured in those pages. In many of those pages.

"Okay, I see you are going to keep that sketchbook away from me for good."

Armie sighs, hands the sketchbook to Timothée and watches as he frowns, slightly confused.

"There is nothing wrong about you seeing what's inside," he explains. "There are some drawings that I am not sure what you would think of, though."

"Have you been drawing me?," he asks, clearly surprised. "You have, haven´t you?"

"A couple of times, yeah."

And right then, a wide smile spreads across Timothée´s lips, one Armie isn´t sure he has seen before coming from him. He is genuinely touched by the fact he is featured in those pages, that Armie took time of his life to sit down and draw his face, his lips, the curvature of his hair and his naked body.

With that smile still plastered on his face, his cheeks slightly redden and his eyes focused on each and every drawing that he comes across, Timothée flips through the pages, his finger gently tracing the lines from time to time. Eventually he stops at the drawing Armie had dreaded, his hand rests upon it and his eyes wander back to him, who keeps himself quiet.

"Is this why you didn´t want me to see it the other day?"

"I wasn´t sure of what you would think of it."

"When did you do it?"

Armie smirks. "The day we came here. I woke up to you moving around the hotel room completely naked, remember?"

"Of course," Timothée nods. "You couldn´t believe I would do something like that while sharing the bedroom with a complete stranger."

"And then later, when I mentioned it, you said something about how you thought I would be the last person to complain about it."

"Well, I don´t always wander around hotel rooms naked, specially when I am sharing with a complete stranger," as Armie frowns, Timothée chuckles, closing the sketchbook. "I wanted you to see me, Armie."

"You did?"

"You really don´t understand how pleased I was to see I had been paired with you, do you? I had read your book, I had read articles about you, I was a fan, who found out that he was going through an expedition on the Amazon with one of his favorite writers, who happened to be a gorgeous man, with beautiful blue eyes. When Mr. Soares said I was sharing the bedroom with someone, I was slightly scared, but then I walked in and it was you."

“But you…,” he shakes his head, frowning. “The first night back at the hotel, you said it took you awhile to remember exactly who I was, that you had heard the name, but didn't make the connection right away.”

“Yes, I did,” he admits with a shrug.

"I don´t...," Armie scratches his beard, his eyes locked on Timothée and an expression on his face that can only be described as dumbfounded. Sure, he noticed Timothée´s flirty ways since day one -although a part of him still thought he was making things up-, but he did not expect any of this.

"Have I scared you?"

"No, I´m not scared, just surprised."

"I walked in that room and saw you sleeping so peacefully, I was caught off guard, surprised that you were even more gorgeous in person. Then you woke up and I was slightly scared that the things I had heard were not exactly true and..."

"What thing did you hear?"

"You are fully aware of the rumors about you, I don´t have to repeat them, do I?," Armie shakes his head, biting his lip as Timothée reaches out and touches his hand, although he briefly pulls away. "I wanted to test the waters, so I figured a friendly approach would be better, try not to scare you off."

"That was your friendly approach?," Armie asks between laughter as Timothée shrugs. "I wonder what you do when you truly are flirting."

"I can show you."

"Maybe some other time?," he glances to the rest of the group, who slowly make their way to the fire.

"Some other time."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Armie stares down at his notebook, a pen dangling in between his fingers as he tries to come up with the right words to describe his day. There is so much going inside his head, so many details he wants to write down, he has absolutely no idea where to start. With a sigh, he closes the notebook and stuffs it back inside his backpack, which he then tosses to the side.

He hears movement, the rustling of trees and immediately looks up, confused as he doesn´t see anything or anyone. He pushes himself up, taking a few steps away from his hammock, his eyes wandering around the camp in search of anything strange. He notices that Timothée´s hammock is empty and while that shouldn´t at all surprise him, he stills feels a tingle of fear spread across him.

Armie is aware Timothée is a smart man, that he wouldn´t endanger his life the same way he did back then, but he feels protective over him and he wants to make sure everything is alright. He walks over to his hammock, spreading the fabric to see if there's any clue on where Timothée could be, but his backpack, sheet and book remains there.

He bites his lip, turns on his heels and takes a couple of steps away from the hammock, stopping in the middle of their camping ground, where just a few minutes ago a fire was lighting up the area. He bites his lip, trying to hear any noises, but finds himself surrounded by an eerie silence.

"Looking for me," Timothée whispers in his ear, causing Armie to jump in place. He chuckles at the scene, but bites his lip as Armie shoots him a glare. "Sorry."

"What are you doing here? Isn´t it a bit late for you to be walking around this place all alone?"

"Aww, are you worried about me? That's kind of cute, you know?"

"Just a few days ago you were lost in the middle of these trees, Timothée, with a jaguar about to jump on you. Excuse me, if I don't think it's very safe for you to be wandering around all alone."

"You are right, I made a mistake back then, but I was angry and hurt. I am in the perfect capacity of my feelings right now, so you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Besides, if I am not mistaken, we have been sneaking through the forest for a few days now, so who are you to judge me?"

Armie stares at him for a moment, blue eyes intense as Timothée smirks back at him.

"Are you gonna keep staring at me for the rest of the night? That really wasn't my plan."

"And what was your plan?," Armie finally asks, an eyebrow cocked.

"A little hide and seek game perhaps," he shrugs. "Lure you into a place a little bit more private so we could have some fun."

"Okay, what if I did not notice this was what you were doing?"

"You are a smart one, not to mention you are always the last one to go to sleep, I knew if you heard something you would at least try to see what it was."

"I guess I am a bit more predictable than I thought."

"But if nothing worked, I would have to simply walk over to your hammock, grab you by the shirt and take you with me."

"I´d like to see you try."

"I am a lot stronger than I look."

"Somehow I believe you."

Timothée smirks, gesturing over his shoulder. "So, are you coming or not?"

"Lead the way."

Timothée chuckles and swiftly grabs his hand, leading him through the camp and over to a more secluded side, following down a small and narrow pathway through the trees. Armie looks over his shoulder a couple of times, making sure no one has been following them or that any animal is prying around, his heart racing with the thrill of simply running off into woods. No matter how many times they might do this, Armie will never get fully used to the feeling.

Timothée stops suddenly and Armie pulls him closer, their bodies nearly crashing together. He smiles down at him, cradles his face and traces his thumb down his cheek, smiling as he leans against his touch. He presses their lips together gently, savoring the softness of his lips against his.

Unable to control his urges, Armie holds tight onto Timothée's waist and presses him against a tree, their kiss growing more urgent by the second. He moans, Timothée's hands sliding down his back all the way to his ass, which he squeezes it. Armie pulls on his bottom lip, his hand sneaking inside Timothée's shirt, caressing his warm skin.

He pulls away breathless, his forehead pressed against Timothée's, but his eyes remain close. Armie licks his lips, feeling his hands move to the front of his pants and grab his cock, which by now is already getting hard. He moans softly, his lips now tracing down Timothée's jaw and neck, licking, sucking and biting on the tender skin.

When his hand finds its way inside Timothée's pants, Armie feels his whole body catch on fire, the hardness of his cock sending shivers down his spine. He strokes him slowly, taking a step back to watch the dozens of expressions that go through his face. As Timothée moans his name, his cheeks flushed and his chest heaving, Armie can no longer control himself and falls down to his knees, pushing down his pants with notorious speed.

He locks eyes with Timothée, holding his gaze the entire time, from when he slowly swirls his tongue across his sensitive head, tasting his precum, all the way until is cock is fully inside his mouth. He hears Timothée's moans grow more frequent, his delicate fingers knotting onto his hair and guiding his movements, forcing him to take him deeper each time.

Armie feels his own cock harden inside his pants, painfully restrained while he takes a mouthful of Timothée's cock, saliva already dripping from the corner of his lips. He moans, palms himself through his pants and looks up at Timothée, who seems completely lost in pleasure, his head tilted back, his lips agape and his chest heaving as if he is about to have a heart attack.

It all goes on for a while more, Armie's knees starting to hurt, the grasp ground cutting through the fabric of his pants, although he doesn't really seem to mind. He grabs tightly onto Timothée's hips, pulls his cock out of his mouth and then swiftly turns him around, almost as if he doesn't weigh at all. The little squeal that escapes from Timothée amuses him, and Armie smirks up at him when he looks at him over his shoulder.

Armie licks his lips, his hands parting away his cheeks and exposing his puckered hole to the open and cool air of the forest. Timothée moans, pushing his ass back and closer to his face. Armie smiles, strokes his cheeks and then gives it a quick slap, watching as it shakes. He bites his lip, eyes wandering around them for a second before he dives in, rimming Timothée with the eagerness of a hungry man.

_ Eight days ago you were scared shitless of being outed, now you are licking someone's asshole out in the open _ , Armie thinks to himself, his nails sinking into the flesh of Timothée's ass. Things have changed considerably ever since he entered the forest and yet he wouldn't change anything about it. Well, maybe the brief life threatening experience, but even that helped Armie appreciate the little moments.

Timothée moans, his hand reaching back to Armie's head, keeping him in place as his body shudders. It is quite a sight, to be honest, to be on his knees, watching Timothée completely lose himself there, holding tightly onto the tree trunk when his knees slightly give in.

Unable to control himself anymore, Armie doesn't get to spend much time on his task, he pulls away, unbuttons his pants and pushes them down to his ankles along with his boxers. He spits on his hand, strokes himself a couple of times, the mere touch of his hand causing him to moan. As he is about to press his cock onto Timothée though, realization comes and he stops himself, groaning as he presses his forehead against his shoulder.

"What you waiting for?"

"I don't have..."

"Forget about it, just fucking do it."

"Timothée..."

Timothée looks at him over his shoulder, his eyes staring straight into his, giving his certain approval. Armie bites his lip, but nods eventually, slowly entering him, loud moans escaping them both.

While Timothée holds tight onto the trunk, his forehead pressed against it as he moans repeatedly, Armie grips onto his hips, thrusting into him fast and hard. The sound of their skins slapping together, mixed with their moans causes a strange but surprisingly erotic symphony to take over the air and Armie absolutely loves it.

He reaches over, a hand wrapped around Timothée's cock, pumping him to the rhythm of his thrusts. Sweat drips down his forehead, the muscles in his ass clenching with each thrust as his cock starts to throb inside Timothée's tight and warm hole.

Armie leans his chin against Timothée's shoulder, kissing his neck and cheek, his breathing growing more and more labored each second. He feels his hand grip onto his hair, gently pulling on it, an incoherent mess of words escaping his lips.

"Don't pull it out," Timothée whispers and Armie looks over at him. "Please."

Armie nods, thrusts a couple more times and then grunts, holding tightly onto Timothée as he shoots his first load of cum, filling him up. He trembles, shivers all over his body as he keeps on cumming, his face buried in the crook of Timothée's neck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	10. Pain and Pleasure

Armie stands in the middle of the camping ground, his eyes wide as he hears the voices growing louder and more frequent, dozen pairs of accusatory eyes locked on him, glaring. Their faces are flushed with rage, their hands are turned into fists and come closer with every breath he takes, closing in on him, leaving him breathless and scared.

He blinks and the voices are louder, but he isn´t in the middle of the forest any longer. Now he is standing right in the middle of Times Square, hundreds of people walking towards him, crowding him into a corner, those horrible words leaving their mouths over and over again. He feels his blood boil, his own hands turning into fists, sweat dripping down his forehead, but he isn´t angry, he's scared. He needs to get out, he needs to find himself a safe place.

Another blink of an eye and he is inside his editor´s office, hearing the words he has dreaded to hear for many years now. He is all alone, no more friends, no more family, no more publishers. He is all he´s got in the world and the whole world is shouting at him, shaming him simply for loving someone.

He pants, tries to catch his breath at any cost, but finds himself drifting off, his mind spinning and his mouth going dry. He thrashes around, his body shaking from head to toe and as he is just about to fall down, he grips onto the fabric of the hammock and shots his eyes open.

Armie has to blink a couple of times to understand his surroundings better, remember the fact he is actually in the middle of the Amazon Forest and there is absolutely no one looking at him. Well, at least not in the way he was dreaming about.

Wetting his lips, Armie sits down on the hammock, buries his face in his hands and tries his best to calm himself down. He runs his fingers through his hair, scratches his beard and looks around himself, realizing a few curious eyes staring back at him.

He can only imagine the things he might have said and done while stuck on his nightmare.

Confused and slightly ashamed of the scene he might have made, Armie pushes himself up, grabs his bottle of water and wanders away from the group, secluding himself amid the trees. He leans his back against a tree, slides down to the ground and leans his forehead on his knees, eyes closed as he tries to understand exactly what that nightmare might have meant.

Was he scared of being outed again?

The thrill of the new relationship had vanished?

Or he never truly got rid of that fear, despite how incredible it was to be with Timothée?

"Are you okay?"

Armie raises his head, his eyes finding Timothée, who stands a couple feet away from him, arms crossed and an extremely worried expression on his face. He remains quiet, unable to say anything at the moment, so he simply stares back at Timothée, who walks over to him and seats down beside him.

"If you don´t want to talk to me, that´s okay. But I won´t leave you here all alone, no matter what you say."

Armie can´t help but smile at his words, his breathing now finally going back to normal. He watches as Timothée reaches over, lays a hand on his arm and gently strokes it, his eyes kind and comforting.

"I had a nightmare."

"Oh, I have some of those sometimes. Usually I am being followed by some weird creature, which I can´t really see, but I know it scares me anyway."

"I wish mine were that easy."

Timothée frowns at the remark and moves slightly closer. "Do you want to tell me what exactly you were dreaming about? Maybe I can help you somehow."

"I don´t think anyone can help me with those," he admits, but does his best to keep a comforting look on his face. He doesn´t want Timothée getting too worried about him. "Those are my own personal fears and I have to learn how to deal with them somehow."

"Let me guess," Timothée says while squeezing his arm softly. "You were dreaming that people knew about you and they did not take it well. Am I right?"

"Not taking it well is an euphemism, Timothée. I was crowded in a corner, scared for my life as people shouted awful things at me."

"Armie, I honestly don´t know how horrible it must be for you to feel this way, I seriously don´t, but you cannot allow these things to take the best of you, do you understand me?"

"I wish it was so simple, Timothée."

"I know it´s not and I can only imagine how fucking annoying it is to always be on your toes, wondering what people around you are talking about, trying to sell a version of yourself that is not entirely true. But the moment you allow those fears to take you over, to dictate what you do or don´t, then they will have won. And fuck´s sake, we can´t let them win."

Armie smiles, this time a genuine one, and lands a hand on top of Timothée´s, stroking it gently.

"You´re truly special, Timothée. And I am happy I got to meet you in such a crucial moment of my life."

"The pleasure is all mine, Hammer."

"Thank you," Armie whispers before planting a soft kiss on his lips. "I needed to hear that."

"You´re welcome. I´ll be here whenever you need it."

"I know," he replies and leans back against the tree. He closes his eyes, a smile on his lips when Timothée leans his head against his shoulder, his hands still holding tightly onto his arm.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


They leave in ten minutes. At least that was what Mr. Soares said, encouraging everyone to certify their belongings were all packed and nothing would be left behind. The sun was high up in the sky, the heat increasing by the minute and a new day of adventure through the forest awaited them.

Secluded from the rest of the group, Armie kneels on the ground, going through his backpack with an extremely serious expression on his face. His nightmare is still eating away his brain, drowning him in thoughts, bringing back to the surface feelings he thought were already gone. But as it turns out, it seemed like all he was doing was trying to fool himself, pretend things were better than they truly were.

He still had decisions to make, decisions that were complicated enough before, but now seemed almost impossible to do. The lie consumes him and little by little a part of him dies. But the truth, the truth is a scary new world, one he has no idea of what he will find. Nonetheless, Armie knows the clock is ticking, they are nine days into the expedition, only six more to go and then reality would kick in.

What was he gonna do when it finally happened?

What would his life be once he left the forest?

Could this new, more adventurous and confident Armie survive? Or he would be crushed to dust, just like his young self once was.

"Are you okay?"

The voice startles Armie and he ends up dropping his sketchbook, which falls to the ground in one of the many pages that features sketches of Timothée. He sighs, takes it in his hand and stuffs back inside the backpack, his eyes wandering over to Catherine, who looks down at him with a worried expression.

"Hey."

"Hey," she repeats, putting on a small smile as she kneels down beside him. "Are you okay? I saw what happened earlier."

"I am okay, it was just a nightmare, nothing to worry about."

"Somehow I don´t believe you."

Armie sighs, eyes down to the ground as he shrugs. Apparently he isn´t as good at hiding his feelings as he thought he was. He raises his gaze once again, looking Catherine in the eye and bites his lip, finding some sort of comfort in her expression.

"I thought I had everything figured out, but today´s nightmare came to show me that there are so many fears and doubts rooted inside of me, things I have no idea how to deal with."

"Is this about you and Timothée?"

"Yes and no," he scoffs, shaking his head. "Our relationship is part of it, of course, but it's a lot bigger than that. It's about my life and what I do with it from now, you know? I am tired of living a lie, Catherine, I really am, but I am also terrified of what might happen if I come clean, if I tell the truth to the world. There will be consequences, of that I am certain, but I fear of what might happen to others around me too. It seems like there's no way for me to win this fight."

"I could tell this was a big issue in your life, but I didn´t know you were in so much pain, Armie."

"I haven't been able to sleep well for months, I almost didn't finish the manuscript for my latest book in time because I was so deep into these feelings, which is why I decided to come on this trip. I wanted to see what this place could do to me, not only inspiration wise, but also if it could give me some enlightenment on life itself."

"And it didn´t go as you expected, right?"

"It might have made things harder actually," he admits, a little glimpse of a smile on the corner of his lips as Catherine chuckles. "Timothée allowed me to take a glimpse of the life I always wanted, with no lies, no fear, owning the person I am without caring about what others might think. In other words, the forest allowed me to fully understand what I truly desire, but because I did so, now I have reached the point where there is no more going backwards. A decision has to be made, but how can I do that when there's so much fear eating its way inside of me?"

"I respect the hell out of you for admitting all of that, Armie."

"Well, at least one of us does then."

"Don´t do this to yourself," she smiles, laying a hand on his shoulder, which she squeezes softly. "You´re an incredible man, Armie, who did what you thought was right at the time. You were young, trying to get your dreams to come true, you did what most people would have done, trust me."

"I believed that for a while, now I´m not so sure."

"Trust me, you are not the only one in this situation and you definitely won´t be the last. But you are right, it is time to make a decision, because I see how much all of this is weighing down on your shoulders and that's not good. For your own well being, I urge you to take some time to think things over."

Armie sighs, nodding his head slowly.

"You can do this, Armie."

"Everyone seems to have a lot more faith in me than I have myself."

"I don´t think we ever give ourselves enough credit, but you can change that around and give yourself a chance."

"What about the way my decisions might affect others? I can´t bear to live with myself knowing that someone is suffering because of what I did."

"One thing at a time, Armie," Catherine assures him. "First you focus on yourself, decide what you want and then you deal with the consequences of it all. You don´t know what they are gonna be anyway, so there's no reason to worry about them now."

"You really are good at this," he whispers, nudging her gently as she chuckles. "Thank you, Catherine."

"You got a friend in me, Armie. If you ever need anything, don´t hesitate to ask."

"Thank you."

"We're leaving everyone!"

Mr. Soares´s voice echoes in the camp and Armie quickly pushes himself up before helping Catherine to her feet. He gives her a quick nod, swings his backpack over his shoulder and takes in a deep breath, trying to get his thoughts in order. Maybe a day of walking through the forest will help quiet down his demons. At least he hopes it does. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The conversation with Catherine helped a bit, eased out the angst Armie had inside of him and the walk sure kept him occupied, focused on the things that were surrounding him at the moment, instead of letting his mind run free, which meant going down a rabbit hole. And to be completely honest, if he went down, Armie wasn´t so sure he could get back out. At least not easily and definitely not without bruises.

But stupid is not a word to describe Armie, which meant he was fully aware whatever distractions he got right now, they were not gonna last much and once he did allow his brain to roll back to the real problems, he would have a lot to think about. And not only about what he wanted, but how that affected the ones around him. It wasn´t fair of him to ask for people to lie for him, even if they cared and loved him, because the lie could corrupt that love and leave nothing but resentment.

"You are awfully quiet today."

The voice sounds distant at first, since Armie is way too caught up in his own little world to realize that Timothée has left Mr. Soares´s side to join him. But once he does, he is met with big green eyes and a little smile, although there's a clear glimpse of worry behind the nonchalant attitude he usually displays.

"Is this still about the nightmare?"

"Less about the nightmare, more about what the nightmare might have ignited in my brain."

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"That there's a lot going on here," he taps his temple, trying to put on a smile. "But it's all very messy, complicated and even I can´t figure it out, so I might not be the best company for the day."

"Just so you know, there's a lot of messy and complicated shit going on here too," Timothée replies with a shrug. "And as for not being a good company, let it be known that for me you are the only one that matters."

Armie smiles and this time is a genuine one, because Timothée´s words sure sparkle some kind of joy inside of him. It feels good to be appreciated, to have someone who wants your company no matter what you are going through and takes their time to understand your struggles. And Timothée, with his quirky way, easy smile and kind eyes, has done that since day one.

When he finally finds the right words to describe what his words make him feel though, Armie watches as Mr. Rodriguez walks past them, mumbling something as he makes sure to bump shoulders with Timothée, who stumbles a little bit to the side, his hand holding onto his arm for support.

He eyes Mr. Rodriguez, the now quite common rage that builds up whenever he is around back, although Armie tries to control it. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for a brief second, then looks down at Timothée, who seemingly unaffected just stands there, watching as Mr. Rodriguez wanders off.

"How can you not be bothered by him?"

"Who says I am not?," he asks, looking up at Armie with a frown. "I hate the guy, wish he would rot in hell or something, but I know better than to go down to his level. What Catherine told you is the truth, he is waiting for us to fire back, so he can use it against us and I am so not going to give him that. Besides, the last time I did let him get under my skin, it caused people's lives to be at risk and I am going to let that happen again."

"Are you talking about me?"

"You, Catherine and Mr. Soares. If anything happened with you guys that day, I would blame myself for it and rightfully so. I allowed him to get the best of me, I was reckless, stupid and didn´t think about the consequences of my acts. That won´t happen again, trust me."

Armie doesn´t say anything back right away, he simply stares down at Timothée, reading his expression and relishing in the sweetness that he has inside himself, which is clear through his eyes. He is one of the most incredible people Armie has ever met, someone not only smart, but fierce, someone who is not afraid to be who they are.

He smiles, steps closer to him and lets the tip of his finger touch his face, poking at every single freckle he has. Timothée chuckles at the gesture and Armie mirrors his reaction only a fragment of a second later, closing the distance between them in the meantime. When their lips touch, it's sweet and short, but enough for Armie to feel his body relax completely, his brain clearing out for a moment. No worries, no doubts, no questions or anything. Just Timothée.

"You´re wise beyond your years, Chalamet. Can I be like you when I grow up?"

"You are so much more than you can see," Timothée quickly replies, a hand resting on Armie´s chest. "The moment you do realize that, you´ll be set free from all these worries you got in your head."

"I hope you are right."

"Trust me, I am."

"Guys!"

A voice echoes and they take a step away from one another, eyes wandering to face Mr. Soares, who stands a few feet away from them.

"C´mon, you don´t want to get left behind."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


It's almost three in the afternoon when they stop, gathering under a large tree to share fruits while Mr. Soares patiently cooks a fish he got just a few minutes prior in the river. He meticulously explained how his mother taught him to cook fish on the fire, and proudly reproduces the whole thing to the group, who mostly has never seen something quite like this. Mr. Soares´s indigenous roots came with a lot of knowledge about plants and how the dirt ground could tell you everything you needed to know about the place you were in. Everything he said, no matter how random it sounds, had a meaning behind it.

This is one of the things Armie learned to appreciate the most about the man. He was so simple, yet knew and understood so much about the world, probably more than the so called specialists in their group ever would. Armie not only admired that, but also knew it could be valuable for himself; after all, who better than Mr. Soares to inspire his next protagonist?

Strumming along the strings of Mr. Rogers´s guitar, Armie keeps an attentive look on what Mr. Soares does, the little melody he produces echoing through the forest. He looks down quickly, tunes in the guitar and goes on, the music soothing him, the smell of fish comforting. Somehow, it suddenly feels like home.

"How much are you charging for guitar lessons?"

Armie laughs, raising his gaze to meet Timothée´s, who is standing beside him, arms crossed and a wide smile on his face.

"How much are you willing to pay?"

"Oh, you have no idea."

He laughs again, shaking his head as Timothée drops down to the ground and sits beside him, legs crossed as he watches Armie´s fingers move through the strings.

"You know, all of my friends had guitars and I always picked them up and tried to give it a go when I was at their places. But for some odd reason, I never put much effort into actually learning it. Now I'm left with absolutely no skills except for photography."

"I doubt that is the only thing you are good at."

"Does sex count?"

"No," Armie scoffs. "Sex does not count, even if you are indeed good at it."

Timothée smirks, nudging him gently. "But I´m serious, I am a great photographer, but that is about it. I mean, I can cook everything I like to eat and when I put some effort into it, I usually can do quite fancy dishes and all, but I lack the motivation for it."

"Cooking can be a bit therapeutic."

"Let me guess, you´re a great cook too?"

"I wouldn´t say so. Much like you, I can cook everything I like, but that's about it. If I want something fancy, I usually just buy it."

"My kind of guy," Timothée winks, taking the guitar in his hand. He plays with the strings, strums for a little bit, but ends up groaning, pushing it back towards Armie, who watches the whole thing with pure amusement. "Maybe you can give me some guitar lessons once we are back in New York. I mean, I know for sure I will have a lot of free time in my hands."

It suddenly comes back to Armie, days ago Timothée mentioned going back to New York and hanging out, to which Armie replied that he might not be interested in hanging out with him by the time this expedition was over. How ironic that now they could barely stay away from one another.

"What? Why are you looking at me like this?"

"Nothing," he smiles. "I just remembered something, but it's not really important."

"Okay,” he answers, dragging out the word. The frown that forms on his face as Armie stares back at him, smiling wide, indicating he did not fall for his excuse, even if he does choose to let it go. “But about those lessons, what do you say?"

"I think we can arrange something."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Much to Armie´s delight, the place they decided to set camp for the rest of the night was wide enough for them all to set up their tents, which to him meant not only being able to stretch out his legs and back, but also the safety of having a place where him and Timothée could stay without any surprises. Inside the tent, they could hear and see more clearly if anyone approached, but also gave them more freedom and peace to talk, kiss or just lay in each other's arms.

While Mr. Soares sets up the fire, Catherine and Ms. Johnson by his side, helping sort out some of the fruits they gathered throughout the afternoon, other members of the group finish setting up their tent, or simply rest by the trees, reading books or writing. Just a few feet away from Armie, Timothée finishes setting up his own tent, struggling to make it past the mesh door with his sleeping bag. 

Armie chuckles at the sight, his eyes locked on Timothée, paying close attention to every movement he makes. He has never seen him inside the sleeping bag, but he can only imagine how delightful the sight must be; in his head it resembles something like a cocoon, only his wild curls out. He bites his lip, trying his best not to laugh, but feels his cheeks burn when Timothée glances at him, cocking an eyebrow.

He simply shakes his head, turns his eyes back to his own tent and tosses his backpack inside, zipping it closed afterwards. He pushes himself up, stretching out his arms and back, a loud sigh escaping him as the muscles on his back relax and the knots come undone. He looks up, a few remaining shades of orange in the sky, while the stars become more and more present. If there's one thing Armie knows he will miss once he is back in New York, is the way he could so easily see the stars, which seemed a lot closer in the forest.

_ Nothing will ever be the same _ , he tells himself. And it is true, no matter what path he chooses, he is taking a lot with him from the forest and even if he remains living a lie, that life will still be divided as before and after the Amazon.

Inhaling deeply, Armie closes his eyes, taking in all the energy of the nature around him, clearing his brain. He exhales slowly, telling himself over and over again that everything will be alright, because even with all the fear and doubt, he somehow still has faith that things can be good for him. Why is that faith still stored inside of him, he has absolutely no idea, but he is not willing to let go just yet.

"Hey," Timothée´s voice comes almost in a whisper, just loud enough for Armie to hear him.

"Hey," he replies, a little smile on the corner of his lips as he glances at him over his shoulder.

"What you say we sneak out a little bit?"

"Right now?"

"Everyone's busy, it seems like a good time."

"Sure," he nods slowly, eyes wandering around the camp, before he turns on his heels. "Lead the way."

Timothée nods, heads off down the camp and through the trees, Armie following him close by. He looks around them, the trees so high it is almost impossible to say where they end, leaves falling to the ground constantly and the full moon starting to fill up the sky. It casts a different glow down on them, which in Armie´s opinion makes everything a lot more sexy, but also slightly frightening. There´s something mystic about full moons.

He chuckles when Timothée stops, pushes him against a tree and latches his lips against his, kissing him fiercely while his hand holds tight onto his shirt, keeping him in place. It's almost as if he would try to run away from him, which is a silly thought, because the last thing Armie wants is to stay away from him.

He smiles through the kiss, his tongue invading Timothée´s mouth as he slides his fingers through his curls, tugging on them gently. A hand rests on Timothée´s lower back, keeping their bodies pressed, rubbing against one another with each movement they make. His touch is soft, but at the same time filled with power, a perfect balance that seems to excite Timothée, who moans through the kiss, his body practically melting against his.

When they break away the kiss, it is more than obvious neither one of them actually wanted it to happen, but air is needed. Smiling, his cheeks flushed and lips swollen, Timothée moans Armie´s name when he yanks his hair back, exposing his neck, which he sucks on it almost to the point of leaving a mark. He plants a tender kiss on the area afterwards, his lip then tracing Timothée´s jaw, cheek, nose, forehead and then finally his lips once again.

And just like that, lost in one another, a minute becomes two, then three, four, five, six and they are more and more drawn to one another, Timothée´s hand stealthy sliding inside Armie´s pants, groping him through his underwear. The moans Armie produces are small, tamed, but with a hint of something else; it's almost as if there's an animalistic growl desperate to be let out inside of him, but he holds back. But why is a question not even he can answer.

When Timothée starts to jerk him off, languid and short strokes, Armie feels his whole body tremble, the hairs on his arm all standing up and his body´s temperature increasing with each second. His heart is pounding, his back tilted back and his hands, tightly holding onto Timothée´s waist, feeling the smooth skin against his palm. But as he is slowly drifting off to a land of pleasure, where nothing else seems to matter, just the taste of Timothée´s lips against his, a different kind of sensation starts on the back of Armie´s neck.

It's a weird and agonizing pain that radiates throughout his shoulder and head, which starts pounding almost immediately and causes him to bite down on Timothée´s lips, who steps back with a grunt, his hand immediately covering his mouth. Armie stares back at him with wide eyes, sweat pouring down his forehead and his hands shaking slightly.

"I know I like it a little rough, but this..."

Timothée´s voice seems distant all of a sudden and his vision is getting so blurred he almost can´t see him standing there in front of him, a little bit of blood in his fingers. Armie squints his eyes, the pain increasing more with each passing second, but he tries his best to think straight and catch his breath. What happened to him?

"Armie, what is..."

He looks up, trying to make something out of the blurriness, but only catches a glimpse of something that seems to be climbing the air, something big and furry, but that he can´t quite understand what it is. He reaches forward, his hand falling onto Timothée´s shoulder as his knees give in, causing him to stumble.

"...brazilian wandering spider..."

He looks up at Timothée, who is more distorted than ever, his voice so far away, Armie can´t even comprehend what he just said. He swallows dryly, his body so hot he feels like crawling off of his own skin in agony.

"...some help..."

He tries to speak, but his lips are so dry they seem to be stuck together. And when he least expects, Armie falls to the ground, gasping for air as his body shakes, the distant sound of the forest and Timothée the last thing he hears before blacking out completely.

"Armie!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	11. Lost Under The Surface

Darkness surrounds him, his body aches and burns, a high pitched noise echoes in his ear and shivers run down his spine from time to time. It's like he is in a limbo, noises can be heard, but everything on the distance, so he can´t truly make out what it means. His head seems to be spinning around, over and over again, he feels nauseous and a bad taste comes to his mouth.

He tries to force his eyes open, reach out for something or someone around him, but his body is too heavy and it feels like he doesn't have control over it any longer. Something is wrong, that much he can tell, what he can´t understand what it is or why this is happening. Where is him? Why does he feel like this? Can anyone help him?

He gasps, thrashes around and suddenly hands are holding him down, cradling his face and stroking his hair. He can feel it, but can´t quite comprehend everything that is happening around him. Is he dead?

The blackness dissipates, turns into tiny little spots ahead of him and it suddenly feels like he is floating, almost as if his soul has left his body. He tries to calm himself down, focus his brain on the one thing he needs to do at the moment and then, much to his surprise, he manages to open his eyes.

It's all blurry and messy, but as he looks around him, Armie can spot Mr. Soares, his worried eyes gazing down at him. And then, clouding his vision from anything else, Timothée appears, curls falling down his face, his green eyes wide and worried.

Once again, he is the last thing Armie sees before blacking out.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


A shiver runs through his body as his consciousness slowly comes back, the pain that radiates throughout every single muscle of his causing him to groan. He catches his breath, inhales deeply and then forces his eyes open, his heavy eyelids turning such a simple task into something a lot more complicated.

"He's waking up..."

A voice echoes, but he can´t quite make it out from who it belongs too, all he knows is that he has heard it before. He still doesn't know where he is, or exactly what has happened, it's almost as if his mind is playing tricks on him.

"...and I will call Mr. Soares and Ms. Robinson..."

He coughs, feels his throat burning and then closes his eyes again, tears streaming down his face at the pain. He tries to speak, tries to call out for help, but no sound seems to come out. Why does he feel trapped in his own body?

"...maybe you should wait out..."

He tries to focus, make it out who the voices belong too, try to understand exactly what they are saying.

"...but I'm staying here with him no matter..."

Timothée. He knows that one belongs to Timothée and Armie does everything he can to reach out and touch him, feel his skin against his. He forces his eyes open again, tries to find him in the middle of the blurred mess that is his vision, but all he can see is the outline of his face in the distance.

"...but he still has a fever and..."

Something wet is placed on his forehead, a hand lays on his chest and the voices suddenly all come together, becoming louder by the second. He shuts his eyes, a headache so strong, it seems a dozen people are hammering away in his skull. He is powerless, completely at mercy of whoever is there by his side.

"...is he going to be okay?"

He doesn't feel okay.

"...please, Timothée, just go..."

_ Don´t, let him stay. _

"...just tell me if..."

He wants him to stay, he wants him to hold his hand and tell him everything will be okay, that the pain will subside and he won't feel like he is trapped any longer.

"...but I don't know what..."

And then, just like before, Armie feels his eyelids getting heavier, his vision fading in and the voices become so low, they might as well all be whispering. He's out before he can even try to do anything.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


"...but is he going to be okay?"

Timothée´s voice is the first thing Armie hears when he gains back his consciousness, the sweet melody he has now grown fond of filling his ears. He inhales deeply, pain still shooting through his body, which now seems to weigh a ton; he feels sweaty and his clothes are clinging to his body, which only adds to his agony.

"...but I can´t tell you for sure if he is going to be..."

They are talking about him, that much he can tell, but the conversation only seems to get to him through small fragments. He tries to concentrate, remember exactly what happened, but all he can remember is the pain that he suddenly felt on his neck, a throbbing sensation that irradiated throughout his body in a matter of seconds.

"...and the poison is very strong, but the fact he didn´t die instantly is..."

_ Die? _

_ Did he really just hear that word? _

_ Was he really that bad? _

He feels himself getting more agitated, his body trembling and his hands turning into tight fists as he thrashes around. He bites hard on his lip, his ear ringing and his mouth getting dry.

"...what is happening?"

"...and call Ms. Robinson."

Then suddenly everything goes silent and his body comes to a stop, a cold spreading throughout his whole being. His breathing is now labored, but for once his body doesn´t feel like it has a ton of bricks pressing down on him.

He remains quiet for a moment, the voices slowly coming back and the bad taste in his mouth dissipating. He wets his lips, forces his eyes open and is met with the blurred sight of Timothée, who is staring down at him.

"Tim?"

Sighs of relief are heard all around him and even Armie himself is slightly surprised that this time his voice actually worked.

"Hey, welcome back to the land of the living."

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Armie adjusts himself on the tent, crosses his legs and pulls the blankets over his shoulder, holding tightly onto it with one of his hands, making sure it won't fall. He wets his lips, blue eyes tired, sweat dripping down his forehead and a little pounding on the back of his neck. He reaches for it, notices a little lump on his nape and frowns, still trying to recollect exactly what happened with him that caused such an effect.

Suddenly, Armie feels shivers running down his spine, the hairs on his arm standing straight up and his eyes growing tired. He fears for another breakdown, something that might cause him to go unconscious one again, but he does everything he can to keep himself calm.

Closing his eyes as tight as he can, Armie inhales deeply and then slowly exhales, repeating it for a whole minute until he feels his breathing getting steady once again. He remains quiet for a moment more, hears movement outside his tent and opens his eyes to see Timothée standing by the mesh door, a little smile on his lips despite the concern in his eyes.

"You scared the hell out of us," Timothée whispers, crawling over to him and sitting right beside him, a hand resting on his shoulder. "But we're glad you are getting better."

Is he getting better though? Because if he's being completely honest, he doesn't really feel that great. He takes the mug Timothée hands him, takes a few sips of water and sighs in contentment, the liquid soothing his sore throat and bringing some much needed life to his body.

"How are you feeling?"

Armie shrugs, not confident to say anything at the moment. He coughs, feels his heartbeat increase once again and takes a couple more sips of water, closing his eyes afterwards. He feels Timothée´s body inching closer, his hand gently stroking his back, which soothes him beyond anything else he could imagine.

"W-what happened?," he stammers through the words, covering his mouth before he starts coughing once again.

"You were bitten by a spider."

"The Brazilian wandering spider," he mumbles as Timothée nods slowly. "Guess I wasn't lucky enough to get the painful boner, huh?"

"To think I was ready to help you with that," he chuckles, but Armie can tell he is concerned, the glow in his eyes simply ain't the same. "You have been suffering with the poison for the last twelve hours, Armie. You went unconscious many times, had a crazy fever, thrashed around and even mumbled some incoherent things. We´re lucky Mr. Soares and Catherine have a lot of knowledge about the animals, also that Ms. Robinson was very keen on helping you from the moment she heard what happened."

"We were alone in the woods."

"Yeah and I tried to carry you, but couldn't do it, so I had to run here and ask for help. Mr. Soares carried you back, Catherine worked through her notes to figure out something that could help with the poison and Ms. Robinson did all the medical stuff I don't really understand."

"I can´t remember much," Armie whispers, clearing his throat afterwards. "I had moments of consciousness though and I could hear people talking around me, but I couldn´t understand exactly what they were saying."

"It did seem like you were trying to speak with us a couple of times, but you either didn't make sense, or nothing came out."

Armie nods slowly, another shiver running down his spine. He groans, holds tighter onto the blanket and hands the mug back to Timothée, who places it down on the ground.

"How are you feeling, Armie?"

"Honestly? Tired, in pain and extremely confused."

"You're going to be alright."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You´re alive, Armie," he assures him, holding onto his hand. "Mr. Soares said it could have killed you almost immediately, but you´re still here, you´re awake and talking to me, which means you are going to be just fine."

"I don't feel fine, Timothée."

"Of course, you've been through a lot and it's going to take you a little while to fully recover, but you're alive and that's what truly matters."

Armie stares at him for a moment, bites his lip and then slowly nods his head. He doesn't feel good, actually he feels strange, weak and not in control of his own body, but he can assume Timothée knows about his current situation better than himself.

"You want more water?"

"No, I´m alright."

"Maybe you should lie down and get some rest."

Armie nods, curls up on the ground and pulls the blankets over his body, closing his eyes as Timothée strokes his hair. He hears movement again, opens his eyes and watches as Mr. Soares and Catherine appear on the mesh door, little smiles on their faces, but much like Timothée, he can also see concern in their eyes.

"How are you, Spiderman?," Catherine jokes, making Armie chuckle and Timothée smile. "Does he still have a fever?"

"A little bit, but not as much as before."

"That's good," Mr. Soares chimes in. "Ms. Robinson said you´re going to need lots of water and rest, so you better get started, we´ll wake you up once the soup we are preparing for you is done."

"Thank you," Armie whispers with a smile. "You guys have saved my life and I will always be thankful."

"You don't have to thank us," Catherine shakes her head, leaning closer to ruffle Armie´s hair. "Just be a little more careful next time, alright? You two have scared us way too much already."

"She's right," Timothée chuckles, nodding his head as he looks down at Armie. "I know we came here for adventure, but this is getting too much already."

"I agree," Armie whispers.

"Mr. Chalamet, we should let him get some sleep now."

"Of course," Timothée nods. He waits until Mr. Soares and Catherine leave and then turns to Armie, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. "Get some rest, I´ll be here when you wake up.”

Armie nods, closes his eyes and remains in silence as he hears Timothée walk away. It doesn't take him long, his body calming down as he slowly drifts off to sleep.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


"You're ruined."

Armie opens his eyes, finds himself completely alone, voices echoing in the darkness. He looks left and right, up and down, tries to make it out who the voices belong to, but he is confused, scared and slightly dizzy. Something feels odd, as if there were a dozen bugs crawling under his skin; he scratches his arm, his nape, rubs his face with his hands, shuts his eyes and tries to tell himself it is all in his head, but it is futile.

"You will never sell another book in your life."

He stares into the darkness, his body heating up, his breathing labored and his hands shaking. He swirls around, shivers as someone seems to blow against his ear, wraps his arms around himself and tries to find a place in his mind where he can feel safe. A good memory that would allow him to get out of this hell hole he has found himself in.

"You're dying."

He shakes his head, whispering to himself as the voices seem to get louder. He sinks to his knees, covers his ear and starts reciting one of the lullabies his mother would sing him to sleep when he was little. Tears stream down his cheek, his chest feels too tight and his heart pounds like a drum; he is losing his breath, his strength and his mind.

"He will leave you."

He hits his own head, continues to hum the lullaby, his voice raising a little bit more each time he starts again. The voices don´t give up though, they get louder, more powerful and the people seem closer; he feels trapped, tries to move, but suddenly shackles are tied around his ankles. When he looks up, faces are staring down at him, but they don't have eyes or noses, just mouths, that repeat the words over and over again.

"You're dyin..."

He screams, his eyes open as he thrashes around, trying to get away from their grip. It takes Armie a second to figure out he is lying on the tent and the hand that holds him belongs to Timothée, who stares down at him with eyes filled with concern. He gasps for air, blinks a couple of times and wets his lips, trying his very best to bring his breathing back to normal.

Armie waits for Timothée to say something, but remains quiet, his hand gently stroking his hair, keeping the blond locks to fall down on his sweaty forehead. He exhales slowly, rubs his throat, which is now sore from his scream and then looks back at Timothée with an inquisitive eye.

"Your fever came back," Timothée whispers. "I think it might have caused some nightmares."

Armie nods his reply, closes his eyes once again and grips onto Timothée´s hand. He remains like that for a few minutes, his body slowly recovering and his heartbeat back to normal. When Timothée slides a damp cloth down his chest, Armie sighs, the cold feeling good against his warm skin.

He proceeds to spread the cloth down his chest, his arms and his forehead, where he presses it down for a couple of seconds. His touch is so soft, it almost feels like he is scared he might break, which at any other moment would have made Armie laugh, but right now he understands completely. He is weak, the bite of the spider left him on the edge of dying and Timothée has been by his side ever since, watching ever seizure and hallucination; he must be terrified and it is all his goddamn fault.

"I´m sorry," Armie whispers, earning a look of confusion from Timothée. "For worrying you, I didn't mean to."

"Armie, you didn't mean to get bitten by a deadly spider, you have nothing to apologize for."

"I should have been more careful," he coughs, shaking his head and gripping tighter onto Timothée´s hand.

"Stop," Timothée says, a rather stern voice, one Armie isn´t exactly used to. "It could have happened with anyone at any given moment, alright? There was no way to prevent this from happening, so please, stop apologizing for things you have no control over."

There are tears in Timothée´s eyes and his face is flushed, his lips on the verge of quivering. Armie knows he is trying to hold himself back, keep himself from crying and making a scene; while Armie knows he simply is trying to make sure he doesn't worry about him when he was the one who almost died, the whole thing only makes Armie feel even more guilty.

"Please, don´t cry."

"Then stop being so stubborn and listen to me."

Armie manages a smile, nodding his head and brings Timothée´s hand to his lips, kissing it gently.

"Do you want to eat something?," he asks after a minute. "You must be starving after all these hours without eating."

"I'm actually not that hungry."

"You should still eat a little bit. You´re too weak and if you don´t eat, you will never be able to fully recover."

"Okay then, I´ll eat a little bit."

"I´ll be right back," he plants a kiss on his forehead, smiles and gently places his head down on top of his backpack before rushing out of the tent.

Armie smiles at the sight and then closes his eyes, taking in a couple of deep breaths as he stretches out his arms and legs. His muscles hurt, there are knots all over his body and the back of his neck still hurts, a constant reminder of what had happened to him. He sighs, pushes himself up and sits down straight, eyes wandering around the tent until he spots his journal lying on the ground. He picks it up, flips through a couple of the pages and then stops, fingers laying on top of the empty page that should have been filled the night before.

He shakes his head, places the journal back on his backpack and looks up once someone enters the tent. He smiles as he sees Mr. Soares kneeling by the mesh door, a mug on his hand and a comforting smile on his lips. He fixes the blanket over his body, takes the mug in his hand and sips the water, a loud sigh escaping him once the liquid hits his throat.

"You scared us, Mr. Hammer."

"I am so sorry, Mr. Soares. I was reckless, but I didn't mean to worry anyone or cause any sort of delay on the expedition."

"Mr. Hammer, your life is much more important than our schedule. Please, don't apologize for something you had no control over. It could have happened with anyone, I'm simply happy we were able to identify what kind of animal attacked you, so we could treat you the best way possible and as fast as we could."

"I owe you my life."

"I did very little, to be honest. Ms. Willians and Ms. Robinson were the ones who really did the job here, not to mention Mr. Chalamet, who wouldn't leave your side, not even when we begged him to."

Armie manages a small smile, but looks down at his hands, trying to make it too obvious just how affected by Timothée he can be. But to be fair, he doubts Mr. Soares -or anyone else at the group for that matter- hasn´t picked up on what´s happening between the two of them.

"You´re lucky to have someone like him around you," Mr. Soares adds, patting Armie´s shoulder. "He is very loyal."

"Yeah, I have noticed."

Mr. Soares smiles and Armie finishes drinking his water, finding himself more and more alive every time the liquid hits his throat. He sighs and hands the mug back to Mr. Soares just as Timothée comes back, a little bowl on his hand.

"And he's back."

Armie chuckles, but Timothée frowns, his eyes wandering from Armie to Mr. Soares.

"Did I miss something?"

"Nothing," Armie assures him, shaking his head. "Is that the soup?"

"Yep. And trust me, this soup is a team effort."

"It really was," Mr. Soares chuckles. "I have never seen so much conversation about a soup before."

"Well, it smells great."

"And it tastes quite good too."

"I will be the judge of that."

"See? You're getting better already."

"I will be ready for another one by tomorrow morning."

"I think we had enough life threatening experiences, don´t you think?," Mr. Soares chuckles, patting his back. "I´ll let you eat your soup, you still need to gain some strength. Remember to drink lots of water and rest as much as you can, even if you get tired of it."

"I´ll make sure he rests, Mr. Soares, you don't have to worry about that."

Armie smiles, nods in Mr. Soares´s direction and then watches as he exits the tent, leaving him and Timothée all alone. He sighs, takes the bowl of soup in his hands and sips on it, cringing at the strong taste.

"Okay, the smell is definitely better than the taste."

"As I recall, the best medicines are the ones with the worse taste. So suck it up and finish that bowl before it grows cold."

"Yes, Sir."

"You´re mocking me already?," Timothée laughs, sitting beside him. "You really are getting better, huh?"

"Thanks to you guys."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


"How are you feeling?"

Armie sits on a log outside his tent, the blanket he had over his shoulder now on the floor as he stares at Ms. Robinson, who carefully checks his pupils, his skin and hands. He follows her every move, a frown as she pulls his head down and pushes some of his hair to the side, her hand resting on his nape for a moment. He can only imagine she is searching for the lump that appeared after the bite.

"I´m feeling good," he eventually says, shrugging. "I don't have a headache anymore, there´s no bad taste in my mouth and I haven't gone unconscious in a while, so I guess it's all good. Right?"

"Well, you´re still a little weak, Mr. Hammer..."

"Please, call me Armie," he interrupts.

"Okay," she smiles, nodding her head. "As I was saying, you´re still a little weak and you must keep drinking a lot of water to hydrate yourself, but you haven't had a fever in a couple of hours, so that´s a great sign."

"Good, I would hate to slow us down even more."

"Are you seriously worried about our schedule?," Armie shrugs, earning a little chuckle from Isabela. "Armie, you could have died, the last thing you should be thinking about right now is the expedition. Your life is your priority and you can be certain, we were all doing our very best to make sure you got out of this in the best way possible."

"Yeah, Timothée told me all you did to help me. I will never be able to thank you the way you deserve."

"Your full recovery is all the thanks I need, Armie. And if we're being honest here, you gave us all a day to rest and I'm pretty damn sure we all needed that."

Armie laughs, nodding his head as Isabela shrugs. He lets out a loud sigh, happy to finally feel like himself again, the effects of the poison clearly wearing out. He still doesn't know what he will do, but he sure needs to find a way to repay them for everything they have done for him the last twenty four hours. They saved his life and saying thank you sure didn't seem like enough.

"Hey," Isabela´s voice brings him back to reality and he turns to look at her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I was thinking about everything that happened. I came here searching for adventure, something that would give me inspiration for my next book, I certainly didn't expect to put myself in harm's way."

"Well, maybe things didn't go the way you expected, but it certainly has given you a lot of material."

"That's true," he nods. "I wish it could have happened in another way though."

"Yeah, life threatening experiences aren't exactly fun, are they?"

"You´re exposed to them every single day, aren't you?"

"I´ve been exposed to a lot of harm, that's true, but I have been very lucky. Most of the time, I´m just trying to keep people from dying."

"Well, I can guarantee you are very good at your job."

"Thank you."

"Hey."

Timothée´s voice fills the air and Armie immediately looks to the side, a wide smile appearing on his lips as he sees him standing there. He glances back at Isabela, who pats his shoulder and pushes herself up, her eyes wandering from him back to Timothée.

"Your nurse is here, so I guess I can go now," she winks, a hand laying on Timothée´s shoulder. "Take care of him."

"I will, don´t worry."

Armie moves to the side, giving Timothée more space so he can sit along with him on the log. They remain in silence for a moment, legs and arms touching, the moonlight shining down on them. Armie glances over at Timothée, notices there´s still a hint of worry in his eyes and reaches for his hand, squeezing it softly.

"I´m okay, there´s no reason for you to be worried anymore."

"I don't think I can do that right now," he admits, eyes down to their hands. "I was so scared of what happened to you, I can´t stop thinking about it, Armie."

"I can understand how scary it must have been, because I felt the exact same thing when you were in harm's way. But I'm better now, I might not be one hundred percent yet, but I´m better and by tomorrow we´ll be walking through those trees again, exploring the forest and sneaking out from the rest of the group for some time alone. Let's just make sure to check the trees before we lean against it."

Timothée chuckles, shaking his head as Armie nudges him softly. "I'm really glad you're okay."

"Yeah, so am I."


	12. Forest Tales

Armie wakes up to birds chirping on the distance and the almost faint sound of the wind rushing through their campground. He yawns, stretching arms and legs before he can even fully open his eyes, which instantly fall on Timothée, who lies right beside him on the tent, a mess of curls hiding most of his face. He smiles, leaning on his elbow so he can look at him properly, the peaceful expression in his face warming his heart.

Timothée had stayed by his side throughout the whole thing, helping him recover from his fever, providing water and food to keep him strong, watching over him when he eventually fell asleep. Mr. Soares, Catherine and Isabela all made sure to point out the fact Timothée didn´t have one minute of rest ever since he was bitten, so seeing him by his side, so peacefully immersed in his sleep, was truly the best remedy for Armie.

He was recovered and now it was time for Timothée to get his rest, recharge his energy and find himself again.

Carefully, Armie pushes some of his hair back, noticing the beads of sweat that start to form on his forehead and chuckles. He fixes the sheet, pushes himself up and crawls out of the tent, taking in the fresh air with a deep inhale. He stands in front of the tent, stretching out his arms as he glances around the area, quickly realizing he is the first one up.

The sky is still in transition, a mix of dark blue and orange, while the first rays of sunshine come down on the glaze. He smiles at the sight, appreciating the things around him in a different way now that he almost lost it all. It shouldn't take something like this for people to truly understand just how beautiful the world is, how important the people around you are and that you should always be thankful for what you got.

_ I´ll never take this for granted again _ , he tells himself and closes his eyes, arms wide open as he steps into the sunlight. He closes his eyes, takes in deep breaths and allows his mind to clear up completely; it's like he has become one with nature and even the lowest of sounds is amplified, for a second, he feels like he could hear the ground.

"Things change after you go through a life threatening experience, don´t they?"

The voice is low, but enough to take Armie out of his trance and back to reality. With a smile, he glances over his shoulder for a second and sees Timothée just a few feet away from him, arms crossed and a little sideway smile. Armie simply nods his answer, turning his eyes back ahead, spotting a little bird fly by not too far from where he is standing.

Timothée´s footsteps echo in the silence of the morning and in a matter of seconds he is standing right beside him, contemplating the view just like him. Armie glances at him, slides a hand down his arm and grabs his hand, lacing their fingers together. He can feel Timothée´s eyes on him, a mix of surprise and confusion probably, but he doesn't dare to move his hand away.

"What are the odds of the both of us going through life threatening experiences in the course of a few days?," Armie finally questions, breaking the silence between them. "I mean, in a group of fifteen people, we are the only ones who went through something like this."

"The answer is quite obvious."

"Is it?"

"We are meant to be," he whispers, catching Armie´s attention.

He wears a little cheeky smile, probably trying to let him know he is simply joking, but Armie knows there's a hint of honesty in his words. He truly believes that.

"Perhaps you are right."

"I´m always right, Hammer."

"I don´t know about that," he chuckles, turning to face Timothée, his hand letting go of his so he can cradle his face, his thumb gently stroking his cheek. "But I'll let you prove me wrong."

"I love a challenge."

"Yeah, I have noticed."

Timothée smiles, his hand resting above his. "Are you alright?"

"Feeling like a brand new me," he smiles back at him. "So you don't have to worry about me any longer."

"Again, not sure I can do that."

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean," he whispers before leaning down to kiss him, frowning as Timothée stakes a step back.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to kiss you."

"But people can..."

"I know," is all he says before pressing his lips against Timothée´s, kissing him tenderly.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


It's nearly nine in the morning and the Sun is high up in the sky, a few clouds coming to view, but nothing that would make the day any less sunny and warm. Stretching himself to reach for something on a tree, Armie groans and frowns, trying to find the best way to reach further up. He looks around himself, but nothing seems helpful, so he does the next best thing he can think of.

He places his foot on the trunk of the tree, carefully trying to find the best angle and then propels himself up, taking a tight hold of the source of his curiosity and pulls it down with him. He frowns, attentive eyes inspecting every single aspect of what he assumes to be a fruit, his fingers gently tracing the spiked crust, which has a few dark patches all over it. He squeezes it, takes in the smell and shakes it near his ear, but there is absolutely no sound.

"It's called fruta-do-conde," the voice startles him and Armie glances over his shoulder, arching an eyebrow as Mr. Soares chuckles, taking a few steps closer to him. "In english it would be something like the Count´s fruit, but I can also provide you with at least five other names for it."

"Why so many names to one simple thing?"

"Brazil is a big country with very distinguished traditions and phrases in each state and region, sometimes when things spread around the country, they gain different names. The manioc you´re now used to eating, I know of at least eight different names for it across the country."

"That's... insane."

"A little bit, yeah."

"What is this fruta-do-conde exactly?"

"Want to open?"

"Um, sure."

Mr. Soares takes the fruit from him, tossing it up a few times as he makes his way to a little log on the ground, where he sits down and reaches for the little knife he keeps on his belt. Armie stands beside him, eyeing his every move with caution, a curious smile on his lips.

"Shouldn´t you be resting?," Mr. Soares asks after a moment of silence, glancing up at Armie, before turning his attention back to the fruit in his hand.

"I appreciate the concern, Mr. Soares, but if I have to spend any more time stuck inside the tent, staring at nothing, I might as well go crazy."

"I understand you," he says between chuckles, nodding his head. "Sometimes the best medicine is to get your body moving and focus your mind on something else."

"Exactly. Besides, I feel perfectly fine, so there isn't a reason for me to hide myself inside the tent."

"You were not hiding, Mr. Hammer, you were recovering," he fires back, glancing up again once he finally opens the fruit, handing one of the sides to Armie, who frowns. "I know it doesn't look anything special, but it actually tastes quite good."

Armie nods, sticks his fingers inside and pulls some of the white goo, taking it to his mouth as Mr. Soares keeps a close look on him. He chews for a few seconds, licks his lips and then finally swallows, taking a minute to process exactly what he just had.

"So?"

"It's different, but not bad."

"Sweet and intense, right?"

"Yeah, something like that," he nods. "How do you normally eat this?"

"Exactly like you´re doing, but it's also used for juices and ice creams. It´s a good source of carbohydrates, potassium, calcium, phosphorus and ascorbic acid."

Armie hums, looking up at the trees that surround him. "Everything here is so rich, right?"

"Nature is so special, Mr. Hammer. It gives us so much, we just need to take time to try and understand it."

Armie looks back at him, nodding his head. "Yeah, I guess you are right."

"I can´t wait for our return to the hotel," Mr. Soares pushes himself up, cleaning his hand on his pants. "We have put a lot of effort into preparing a very special meal for you all once we are back, all the fruits and typical dishes you can imagine. You won't even know where to start, but you sure as hell will try a little bit of everything."

"I mean, we haven't had much and I already like basically everything I tried. I can´t wait to really dig into the brazilian cuisine."

"It's the best in the world."

Armie laughs, patting Mr. Soares´s shoulder. "Of course you are going to say that."

"Okay then, after we´re back and you tasted everything, you tell me what you prefer."

"You mean between brazilian and american food?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

"Okay, it's a deal."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The nearly unbearable heat slows down the group, who walks through difficult hard ground, swerving from tree branches and being careful not to attract any wild animal that might be lurking around. To Armie, who twenty four hours earlier was hallucinating in his tent, things are even harder and he finds himself sweating more than normal.

He gasps for air more often, drinks most of the water he had separated for the day in only two hours and feels his muscles contracting with every single step he takes, his thighs and calves in particular burning with pain. When it all seems a bit too much, he has to stop, close his eyes and inhale deeply, only to exhale slowly after, his heartbeat gradually going back to a normal rate.

He leans forward, hands on his knees as he opens his eyes, licking his lips which are now dry as a desert. He sighs, shakes his head and stretches out his arm, cursing mentally for not being more careful, for not paying attention to his surroundings. He brought this to himself and now he had to live with the consequences.

"Are you alright?"

Armie nods slowly, doing his very best not to worry Timothée more than he already is. He deserves to have a relaxing day, where he focuses on the expedition, not whether or not he can stand still without feeling his limbs are about to give out.

"Armie, be honest with me."

"I´m alright, just a little bit tired."

Timothée bites his lip, reaches for his water bottle on his backpack and hands it to him, his eyes saying everything. Armie smiles, takes a few sips of water and lets out a heavy sigh. At this point, water is as tasty as a cold glass of Coke on a hot summer day.

"You´re still weak, maybe we should have waited a little bit longer."

"No, I don't want to be a hinder any longer."

"Armie, you got poisoned, you were not a hinder to anyone."

"Look, I don't want to be the reason why the expedition gets delayed, alright? Besides, I´m doing fine, I just needed a little moment to catch my breath."

"Is everything okay?"

Armie glances to the side, watching as Catherine makes her way over to them, the sweat dripping down her forehead as she ties up her red hair.

"Yes, everything is okay."

"Mr. Stubborn here is not doing very well, although he keeps lying to me and himself."

"Do you want me to talk to Mr. Soares? We take a five minute break, you´ll drink some water and catch your breath. After what you´ve been through, this might be a bit too much."

"I said I'm alright," Armie repeats, eyes moving from Timothée to Catherine. "You two don't need to worry about me, okay?"

Timothée opens his mouth, but stops when Catherine glances at him and shakes her head. Despite being as discreet as possible, Armie can still catch the whole interaction and frowns, waiting to see what their next step is going to be.

It's like they have ganged up on him all of a sudden, which in some way should make him happy, after all they are doing this because they care and are worried about him. Still, he wants to do things his way.

"Here," Catherine says after a minute, taking a small little package from her backpack and handing it to Armie. "It's an energy bar, with raisins and chocolate. I always have some with me when I'm traveling, it usually helps me and it might help you too."

"Thanks."

"You better eat that," Timothée complains as Armie chuckles. "I´m not joking, Armie."

"You got yourself a pretty tough nurse, Hammer."

"Tell me about it," he mocks as Timothée shoots him a glare. He chuckles, takes a bite of the energy bar and then gestures ahead. "We should go, the last thing we want is to lose ourselves from the group."

"Yeah, we had enough adventure for one expedition."

Timothée nods, takes his water bottle back and places it on his backpack, keeping himself close as they get back to walking, glancing over at Armie every two seconds. Armie simply smiles, meeting his gaze a couple of times and winking down at him.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The Sun hides away behind a couple of clouds that have invaded the afternoon sky, the tall trees creating an arch above them that shades them and helps with the heat, which is suddenly a lot more bearable and helps making the walk somehow easier. The ground in the area they find themselves is slightly tougher than the previous, darker and filled with rocks and bulgy roots from the trees, which results in them jumping through a few areas and being careful not to get their feet stuck anywhere.

While the first few days were complicated and it required them some time to adjust to their surroundings, now they were finally seeing what the forest truly was. The animals around them had become more dangerous, the trees were different from what they had seen previously and even the birds appeared to be on another level of beauty. They were deep into the forest and it somehow seemed like the expedition had just now truly begun.

Timothée was ecstatic with everything around him and Armie could tell not only by the large smile on his face, but also by the glow he had in his eyes, which were wide and attentive to every little thing. He took photos of the group, plants, colorful flowers and birds as they flew above them. And each time he raised his camera, Armie could tell he felt more alive, more in touch with himself and perhaps, fulfilled in a way he had not yet noticed.

Armie was just as enamored by the place as Timothée, but after what happened he could see the forest in an atypical way. He did not see only the beauty of it, although that still swept him off of his feet every single day, but Armie could understand the dangers in a more personal way. In a way, he was a threat and the forest itself knew, that's why it was so important to respect the place he was in, like it was a part of himself.

And to be fair, it actually is. The Amazon is an extremely important part of the world's engine, the lungs as some would call it, and if the last eleven days had taught Armie anything, it was that he needed to make sure he was an ally and not a threat.

"Okay, for a break," Mr. Soares says, stopping by a clearing, the river flowing peacefully ahead of them. With a deep inhale, he drops his backpack to the ground, stretches his arms and turns to look at the group, who´s mostly busy looking around. "We´ll take a twenty minute break to rest and appreciate the view. You can go into the river, but be careful, we might have company."

"Company?," Armie asks, slightly confused. "What kind of company?"

"Have you ever heard any of the brazilian folklore, Mr. Hammer?"

"Not really."

"One of the most popular legends here it's about the boto-cor-de-rosa, which is a type of mammal from the dolphin´s family. Legend has it that our docile little friend leaves the river water in the full moon, transforms itself into a man and wanders the streets after a beautiful lady to take it as his. After a night of passion, our friend returns to the waters and goes on with his life as a dolphin, while on the land, the pretty lady is left pregnant."

"Just men being men then," Catherine murmurs.

Armie chuckles, glancing at her, who shrugs.

"It was quite common to say a child with no father was a son of the boto, but obviously that´s nothing but stories that were told late at night over the fire. It did help to make our little friend quite popular all over the country, the legend being told until this day."

"And we´re going to see one here?," Timothée asks, clearly excited.

"We might, it is very common to see them around this area, so I would say to keep your eyes open to any movement coming from the river."

"Anything else on the river we should pay attention to?," Armie questions, taking off his sneakers and throwing his backpack to the ground. "Any alligators?"

"We might find some before the end of the journey, but they are usually on the shallow ends of the rivers, when it becomes a little more muddy. You are safe to go, Mr. Hammer."

"Thank you," Armie chuckles, takes off his shirt and empties his pockets before rushing over to the river, diving head first.

He gives it a few strokes, taking quick breaths in between them and then turns around, floating for a few seconds before he feels something graze his hand. He frowns, stands up and looks around himself, a shiver running down his spine at first, but once he finally sees it, a wide smile consumes him.

A dolphin with a light pink skin approaches him, swimming nearby, but still keeping its distance, probably just as scared as he was a few seconds ago. He stands his hand out, watches in awe as the dolphin approaches and nuzzles itself against his palm, making him laugh. He looks over his shoulder, most of the group already standing straight up, staring back at him and the animal.

Timothée rushes to the river, standing far enough not to scare the animal and snaps a couple of photos, laughing as the dolphin dives back in and swims away, putting a little show for them.

Armie meets his gaze, feeling a wave of emotions take him over. There is no way this is going to be his first and last time in the Amazon, he needs to come back, he needs to feel close to nature like this again, otherwise life might not make much sense anymore.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Night has fallen and the group has already set up their new campground, tying up their hammocks and starting the fire. The stop by the river earlier not only allowed them all to see a boto, but also provided two large fishes, which are now being roasted by Mr. Soares, the smell already filling the air.

Sitting quietly under a tree, Armie has his sketchbook open and resting on his thighs, although he is not at all paying attention to it, his eyes are distant, the pencil that once was lining down the paper, now dangling between his lips.

His day had a few ups and downs, for a moment he thought he wasn't yet recovered and would have to stop, hold up the group more than he already had, but eventually it turned out to be a day he would remember for the rest of his life. Going into the river and suddenly finding a dolphin swimming right beside him, the way it approached him, it was all so significant, even if it lasted for just a second.

And perhaps the best moments in life are not the ones that drag out, but the ones that are short, but within their shortness, infinite.

"Mind if I sit here with you?"

Armie glances up, the pencil dropping down on his lap as he smiles at Timothée, who stands with his arms crossed and a gentle look in his eyes. He nods, moves slightly to the side and closes the sketchbook, placing it to the side as he crosses his legs and arms, his eyes on Timothée the entire time.

"Are you okay?"

"You've been asking me that quite a lot."

"I will remain to do so."

"I´m okay, Timothée. I admit the day wasn't exactly as easy as I expected it to be, though I was a lot better than I was before, but I´ve made it here, didn´t I?"

"You did."

"Trust me, if I was feeling anything other than tiredness, I wouldn't keep it from you."

"You promise me?," Timothée asks, showing Armie his pinky.

"Are we seriously doing that?," as Timothée glares at him, Armie chuckles, locking their pinkies together. "Better now?"

"Yes."

Armie nudges him, lets out a sigh and lets his hand slide down Timothée´s arm, resting his hand above his. He glances at Timothée, who keeps his eyes down to their hands, then lifts up his chin and simply stares at him, trying to make sure his eyes do all the talking. He doesn't want to hide himself anymore and it feels like this is a good place to start.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm tired of hiding."

"You know you don't have to do this, right?," Timothée bites his lip, eyes wandering around the camp before he looks back at Armie. "I don´t need any type of validation or anything, just being with you is enough for me."

"This is not about you, it's about me."

"Okay, but you understand you don't have to rush anything also, right? All the fears you have inside of you, they come from the knowledge that the world is fucked up, that life won't be easy once people know the truth, so be careful and do things at your pace."

"I am," he assures him. "I mean, I´m barely even holding your hand, so I´m still going at a very slow pace."

Timothée chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.

"We can go slow, I don´t mind."

"You know, when you first said you were going back to New York after the expedition was over, I felt something inside of me that I couldn't quite wrap my head around it, but now I understand just fine."

"And what was that thing you felt?"

"Relief."

"Relief?"

"Yeah, because if you went back to France after this was over, there was a chance of us never getting to speak with one another again. But since you are going to New York, no matter what happens, I least I get to see you one more time at least."

"One more time? I plan on nagging the shit out of you, Hammer. You´re gonna beg me to go back to France and leave you alone."

"See, you´re not always right," Armie shakes his head, tucking a curl behind Timothée´s ear, despite knowing there are eyes on them. "Because I clearly don't see that happening, ever."

"And to think you said you were better at writing than speaking," he bites his lip, shaking his head as Armie leans slightly closer. "What a fool I was to believe such a thing."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Armie has a foot planted on the ground as he lies on his hammock, arms under his head and eyes up to the sky. The camp is quiet, most of the group already asleep and the ones that remain awake, focused on reading or writing under their flashlights. Armie tried to write for a bit, but resorted to counting stars and thinking about his life, the way every single day ever since he stepped foot into the Amazon he has learned something new about life and himself.

It's funny because that's exactly what he seeked for. He wanted the expedition to be something challenging, something that would sparkle a new wave of inspiration and love for life in him, but even in his wildest dreams, he did not expect things to happen in the way they did. He had found so much more than what he was looking for, he had made friends he wished he could take for the rest of his life, he had seen things that no other place in the world could grant him, he had found someone he cared about more than he ever thought he could.

He could not wait to see what the next four days had in store, because if the past eleven had been any indication, there was still so much more to see and feel. And Armie wanted that, he wanted to experience every little thing, even if it scared him, even if it put him on the edge. Let the troubles come, because for once in so many years, he is not scared of being true to himself.

He pushes himself up, fingers running through his hair as he looks around the place, noticing that little by little, every single member of the group goes to sleep. He finds Timothée scribing something down, glances around one more time and smiles as he sees Catherine and Isabela are the only ones still awake apart from them. He gets up, walks over to Timothée ́s hammock, which is only a couple steps away from his and grips onto the ropes, pulling the hammock towards him, which causes Timothée to squeal.

"What the fuck?"

"Sorry, did I scare you?"

"A little bit, yeah."

"Are you busy?"

"Depends on what you want to do."

"Walk a little bit maybe?"

"Aren't you scared of any spiders coming to haunt you?"

"I promise to be extra careful," he whispers, winking down at Timothée as he stands his hand out for him. When Timothée takes it, he smiles, leading him through the glade and down a small and quiet path, the trees forming a little arch above them and the sound of water in distance quite soothing. "Can you believe there's only four days left?"

"A part of me doesn't want it to end," Timothée whispers, turning Armie to face him, his hands resting on his chest. "But another one says we should appreciate every little second as it was the last."

Armie looks down at him, his hands resting on his waist, holding him tight and close. He nods slowly, a sly smile as Timothée leans on his tiptoes and brushes his lips against his skin, kissing just above the collar of his shirt. He suppresses a moan, bites his lip and closes his eyes, his head tilted back slightly, exposing more skin to Timothée, who takes full advantage.

He spins them around, presses him against a tree trunk, a hand gripping onto his thigh and pulling his leg up. As Timothée hooks it over his hip, Armie lifts his chin and meets his gaze, his green eyes a lot darker now, his face flushed and from his lip, a quiet moan echoes. He kisses him hungrily, savoring his taste, reminiscing in how good it feels to have him close.

They pull away breathless, stare deep into one another's eyes and go silent once the cry of an owl can be heard. Armie wiggles his brows, chuckles and then pulls Timothée up, his lips finding its home in his neck and jaw seconds later. He kisses, licks and sucks on the tender skin, moans as his nails drag down his back and he feels his hardening cock growing harder against his stomach.

When Timothée grips onto his hair, forcing him to face him, Armie simply smiles, completely lost in his eyes. He never expected to feel this, to be so drawn to someone as he is for Timothée, but he wouldn't change a thing. Every fiber of his being claims for him now and since the future is unknown and unpredictable, he will cherish every single moment they have for the next four days. 

Starting now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	13. No One Will Ever Be The Same

Armie watches him with amusement, his blue darker with lust as Timothée leans back against the tree, his curls falling down his face as he bites hard on his swollen and red lips. His knees are giving out and his legs are wobbly, his hands holding tight onto his biceps, keeping himself up. The sight is worth a photograph or a painting, anything that Armie could go back to and stare at it for hours, reliving the moment over and over again.

He tightens his fist around Timothée´s hard cock, increasing the speed of his strokes and leans forward, planting soft kisses all over his face. He bites onto his earlobe, a shiver running down his spine as Timothée whispers his name and grabs his hair, pulling it softly. His own cock is strained against his pants, begging for attention and freedom, but Armie keeps his attention solely on Timothée, his raspy voice whispering against his ear.

"You look so good," he says as Timothée thrusts himself into his fist. "So pretty and depraved, ready to cum all over yourself."

Timothée gasps loudly, his nails sinking onto Armie´s skin, his body trembling from head to toe and the sweat dripping down his forehead. Armie pulls back to stare at him for a moment more, licking his lips as Timothée opens his eyes, staring right back at him. He smiles, sinks to his knees and swiftly pulls down his pants, exposing his hard cock.

As he licks the head, Timothée moans his name, unable to control himself any longer, much to Armie´s delight. He teases him a while more, the tip of his tongue pressing against his slit, then a gentle kiss to the head and only when Timothée is on the verge of breaking down, Armie takes his cock in his mouth and sucks it deep, his eyes on him the entire time.

There is absolutely no way he would miss the thousand different expressions that go through Timothée´s face as he sucks him, alternating from fast to slow, from just the tip to having him down his throat.

He moans, closes his eyes and focuses on driving Timothée to an orgasm, the sounds of the birds and the rest of the group increasing and the thrill of the exposure makes Armie even harder. He holds onto his buttcheeks, pushing him closer, stopping his movement only when Timothée grips tightly onto his hair and grunts, spurts of cum filling his mouth.

Armie sits back, licking his lips as Timothée pants, rubbing his face and pushing his hair back. As their eyes meet once again, a chuckle escapes them both and seconds later Timothée is also on his knees, holding onto Armie´s shoulder as if his life depended on it.

"I hate you for teasing me like that, but if that isn't the best way to wake up, I don't know what it is."

Armie smirks, pulls him closer and kisses him softly, his hands holding gently onto Timothée´s body, which still shivers from time to time. He tucks a few curls behind his ear, runs his thumb across his swollen lip and just stares at him, still marveled at how gorgeous he is.

"We still need to take care of you," he whispers, pulling Armie closer and pushing him against the tree, his hand immediately resting on his crotch, cupping his hard cock.. "You can go back to camp with that on your pants. What will people think?"

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Armie adjusts his pants, clears his throat and takes a quick glance over his shoulder, smirking at Timothée, who runs his fingers through his curls, trying his very best to tame them. He chuckles to himself, eyes wandering across the camping ground while fixing his own hair, his creased shirt almost impossible to hide.

He still can´t believe that about a month ago the idea of having sex in the outdoors was something that never truly crossed his mind and now, well now he was relishing on the high that it gave him. And if that turned out to be something that turned him on, he wondered what other kinks he had buried deep inside of him, waiting to crawl over to the surface.

"Oh there they are," the voice echoes throughout the whole area and Armie immediately stops, the tone condescending and accusatory, as always. "The fags were probably hiding under some bushes doing their..."

"No one´s hiding from anyone, Mr. Rodriguez," Armie fires back before he can even finish his sentence, a little smile on his lips as he takes a step closer to him. "Mostly because no one here has anything to hide."

As Mr. Rodriguez arches his eyebrow, Armie turns on his heels, catching Mr. Soares´s attention.

"You were looking for us?"

"We were just gathering our things," he explains, apprehensive eyes moving from Armie to Mr. Rodriguez. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes, we are."

"Okay then."

Armie nods and turns back to Mr. Rodriguez, aware of the curious eyes that are directed at them. The last few times they have interacted had not been exactly friendly, so obviously the situation leaves everyone around them on the edge.

"Tell me, Mr. Rodriguez, don´t you get tired of all of this?"

"Armie...," Timothée whispers, reaching for his arm.

"Tired of what?"

"Of being this small minded, so caught up on your own little world that you don't even think about the ways your words and actions affect the ones around you," he shakes his head, letting out a sigh. "Then again, something tells me someone like you must be rather lonely."

"You think you´re really tough, don´t you?"

"No, I don´t. I´m just a man trying to live my life the best way possible, but people like you think they have a say on what I do or who I keep by my side and honestly, I´m fucking tired of it. I owe you nothing, so you might as well do both of us a favor and just stop talking to me altogether."

Before Mr. Rodriguez can think of answering back to him, Armie turns on his heels and walks away from him, glancing over at Timothée, who follows him close by. As he reaches the tree where their backpacks are lying under, Armie lets out a loud sigh, a smile creeping on the corner of his lips.

"What the hell happened with not letting him get under our skins?," Timothée asks as Armie turns to face him, shrugging his shoulders. "Not that I didn't like it. It was actually very fun, sexy and slightly unexpected."

Armie chuckles, nodding his head. "I was just tired, you know? Yeah, we shouldn't let him get under our skin, but he can´t go around saying whatever he wants and expect not to hear anything in return."

"Okay," Timothée practically whispers, biting his lip. "Have I told you how much I adore every single side of you? From the soft side of you, to the impulsive, slightly chaotic one."

"Lucky me," he winks, handing Timothée his backpack as he swings his own over his shoulder.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Armie holds onto the straps of his backpack, his blue eyes attentive to the trees that surround him, a little smile on the corner of his lips whenever he spots some kind of animal in the distance, whether some sort of bug or crawling thing on the tree trunks, or monkey that jumps from one branch to the other, eyeing the group with the same curiosity they look at them.

He hears branches breaking and glances over his shoulder, eyes falling on Catherine, who braids her red hair, sweat dripping down her forehead. She has taken off her usual buttoned down shirt, sticking to a simple sleeveless black top, which accentuates her pale skin ever more. When her gaze meets his, Catherine puts on her always very kind smile.

"Hey."

"Hey there," Armie replies, slowing down his pace to match hers.

"How are you doing today?"

"A lot better," he nods. "I have to admit I might have overestimated myself yesterday. I was feeling good, healthy and all, but I forgot how cruel the heat here can be."

"It's funny, with all these wild animals around us, the heat is still our biggest enemy."

"I suppose you are right," he chuckles. "And I will leave this place without getting used to it."

"I think it would take a lot more than two weeks to get used to it," she assures him, patting his shoulder. "Maybe if we ever come back to Brazil, we´ll be more prepared."

"Oh, I definitely plan on coming back."

"Somehow I'm not surprised to hear that."

Armie smiles, nodding his head slowly.

"I know you came here to do some research, gather more information for your future project," Armie says as Catherine nods, curious eyes locked on him. "Has the expedition matched your expectations?"

"To be honest, I guess it exceeded my expectations. In two days, I had more notes than I could have ever dreamt of, not to mention having Mr. Soares with us is a gift from the heavens. The man knows absolutely everything and I have learned a lot from him the past few days."

"He is incredibly wise," Armie agrees.

"But I'm more excited about sitting down with people and talking about their experiences, you know? Mine is great, but being able to hear from others is going to be one of the highlights."

"I'm still on that list?"

"You´re probably the person I´m most excited to talk to," she admits, earning a confused look from Armie. "What? Don't pretend you're shocked."

"I am shocked," he shrugs. "I don't see why my testimonial would be so different from others."

"It's different and exciting because I can see how much you´ve changed since the day we arrived here, Armie."

"You can?"

"Yes, I can. The forest has changed you and...," she trails off, her eyes finding Timothée in the crowd. "Well, the forest wasn't the only thing that changed you, but you get what I mean."

"Sometimes I don't really notice how easy it is to see through me."

Catherine smiles, squeezing his shoulder. "Well, I think that's a pretty good thing, actually."

"You're way too kind."

"I do my best," she shrugs. "By the way, even though you didn't follow my advice, I have to admit I loved what you said to Mr. Rodriguez earlier today."

"I couldn't hold myself back any longer, he deserved to hear that."

"He did."

Armie smiles, chuckling as she nudges him gently and then reaches for something on her backpack, handing it to him. He frowns, notices it is another energy bar and takes it, ripping off the package and taking a bite.

"I have to say, this is not that bad."

"Thank you, I keep saying, but no one ever listens."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Armie stands quietly in front of the stream, his blue eyes closed as he inhales deeply, taking in the fresh air that surrounds him and the sound of the birds that fly above. He drops his backpack down to the ground, unbuttons his shirt and remains only in his tight t-shirt. He kicks his shoes off, feels the raspy ground under his toes and smiles at the sensation.

He takes a few steps closer to the stream, kneels down and washes his hand, the water crystalline and surprisingly cold. He washes his face, runs his wet fingers through his hair and sighs, his body slowly cooling down. He wished he could experience things like this in New York, find himself a place where he could go and be in contact with nature whenever he wanted.

Parks were good, but no matter how pretty and filled with trees they were, nothing ever would match the sensation of being this close to nature. At some moments, Armie even felt like he was one with the forest and his heart beated in the same frequency as the trees moved or the birds sang.

Even if for some reason he could never come back, Armie would never forget this place and how it made him feel. How it opened his eyes not only to the power of nature, but also to the strength he had in himself, one in which he needed to believe in if he wanted to accomplish true happiness.

He grabs more water in his hands, watches as it slides down his hands and wrists, dripping back down into the stream, which glistens with the sunlight. He rubs his hands together, places them against his face and inhales deeply before sliding his hand down to his neck, which he strokes.

Glancing over his shoulder, Armie spots Timothée standing just a few feet away from him, silent and with his camera in front of his face, snapping photos of him. He frowns, but also can´t quite suppress the smile that always creeps in when Timothée is around, his presence the only thing he needs to forget about the rest of the world.

When he finally lowers his camera, Timothée also has a smile on his lips, although his is different from Armie´s, more of admiration and somehow fulfillment. As he notices that, Armie can´t help but wonder for how long he's been standing there, silently watching him, turning him into the main subject of his art.

The thought alone is enough for Armie to feel his cheeks burning, and the little giggle that escapes from Timothée is all the guarantee he needs to know he is fully blushing. All the critics that constantly make sure he knows they find him shallow and not good enough, have ensured that compliments, whether veiled or not, are things he doesn't know how to deal with.

"Shouldn´t the forest be your subject?," he finally asks, squinting his eyes to look up at Timothée.

"I have enough photos of the forest, but clearly not enough of you."

"Not enough? Does that mean you plan on taking more?"

"Oh, I want to be able to fill a whole room with photos of you, like a true stalker would do."

Armie chuckles, shaking his head as Timothée sits down beside him, his legs spread forward, his toes touching the water. He looks back at him, blue eyes intensively analyzing every single detail in his face, the way his hair curls up, how there is one particular curl that never seems to be tamed. His freckles are highlighted under the Sun and as he closes his eyes, a small smile appears in his pink lips.

"I know the heat here is nearly unbearable, but I am going to miss having the Sun on my face almost every single day. No matter how great summer in New York is, it will never come close to this, you know?"

"Nothing will ever be the same," Armie replies, his hand resting on top of Timothée´s. "This place has changed us all, no one is leaving the same as it was when it arrived and that's the beauty of it."

"I certainly am not the same I was when I got here, even if the changes aren't as clear on the surface."

"Sometimes change only has to be internal, something only you need to acknowledge, not the rest of the world."

Timothée smiles, leans forward, washes his hand on the stream and mirrors the same movement Armie did minutes ago, running his fingers through his hair.

"Are you such a great writer because of the beautiful things you say, or is the talent for writing that gives you inspiration for such nice words?"

Armie shrugs.

"Maybe a bit of both?"

"I like hearing you talk," Timothée whispers, sitting back down. "Your voice is so soothing and the things you say are always so touching. It´s like you always know exactly what I need to hear."

"Haven't I told you? I'm a bit of a psychic," he chuckles as Timothée shoots him a look. "What? I thought you said you liked when I allowed myself to be funny."

"I might have unleashed a monster."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


The night has fallen and clouds fill up the sky, covering the stars and bringing with it a cool and constant breeze. Sitting outside his tent, a book resting on his thigh, Armie looks up to the sky, watching as the tree leaves dance with the breeze, some of them slowly falling down to the ground. He reaches out for one, cleans up the dust on it and tucks it inside his book with a smile. He's been trying to find something to take it home with him, a tolkien of sorts, and the leaves of the trees seem just as good as any idea.

He places the book back inside the tent, pushes himself up and walks through the campground, eyeing up some of the other members of the group, who struggle to put up their tent. He sits in one of the logs around the fire, reaching for one of the aluminum mugs, which he fills with water and takes a few sips.

Mr. Soares is roasting a few corn cobs, the smell taking over the entire camp. He has never eaten corn like this in his life, nor has he ever seen it done, so Armie pays close attention as Mr. Soares dips a few corncobs into the flames, watching as the bright yellow gradually becomes darker and darker. He smiles, takes one of the corn cobs, sticks into a branch and follows Mr. Soares´s lead, rotating the branch from time to time to make sure the corn is evenly toasted.

He takes the corn out of the flames, blows on it for a few seconds and then sets it aside, waiting to cool it off before he can take a bite of it. By the time all the corn cobs are roasted, the whole group is sitting by the fire, Timothée and Catherine right beside him.

He fills up Timothée´s mug with water, hands him one of the corncobs and then grabs one to himself, taking a bite straight afterwards. He takes his time with it, savoring the smokey taste of the corn, which nearly makes him salivate. It's one of the most delicious things he has ever tasted.

He hears a sigh escape Timothée and glances over at him, chuckling as he notices his wide eyes and pleased expression. He nods his agreement, takes a sip of water and dives back into the corn, eating the whole cob in less than five minutes. Either he had found the best way to consume corn, or Armie had finally gotten tired of the manioc they so often had to eat.

Mostly quiet, the group enjoys their meal, sharing fruits and water, savoring each corncob until there is nothing left. When dinner is over, they remain around the fire, Mr. Rogers´s guitar making an appearance, the sweet chords filling up the air. A few voices sing along to the tune, while others join in by clapping their hands, the whole group coming together.

Armie feels a warmness inside of him, his eyes roaming through the group, a large smile appearing on his lips. Such moments can never be scripted, they happen out of blue and take you by surprise, but they also make you feel alive. And Armie has never felt more alive.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The campground has gone quiet and the fire has been put out, the only illumination coming from the flashlights inside the tents. The sky is clouded, trees blowing with the wind, which sound resembles a whistle. Inside his tent, Armie feels sleep slowly take him over, his eyes heavy and the words on his books suddenly seeming scrambled.

He yawns, pushes his hair back and closes the book, placing it back inside his backpack, which he sets to the side. He fixes the thin sheet, lies down and closes his eyes, slowly drifting off into a slumber as the sounds of the forest become the only sound he hears. As he is just about to drift off, a noise startles him and he opens his eyes, leaning on his elbows.

He's not at all surprised to see Timothée kneeling there, biting his lip as he stares back into his eyes. He gestures for him to come on in, lifts up the sheet and smiles as Timothée crawls over to him, snuggling himself into his body, his hand gripping onto his shirt as he rests his head on his chest. Armie kisses his forehead and gently strokes his curls, feeling the heat of his body against his.

"I didn't know you were about to sleep," Timothée whispers, his nose brushing against Armie's neck. "You usually stay awake for long hours."

"Trust me, I'm just as surprised as you are."

"You want me to go?," he lifts his head, green eyes sparkling in the night.

"Don't you dare move away," Armie holds his chin, keeping him close as he presses a soft and tender kiss on his lips.

As Timothée deepens the kiss, Armie smiles, sliding his hand down his body and holding tight onto his waist, bringing his body impossibly close. He sneaks his hand inside his shirt, his nails gently scratching his skin and drawing out a soft moan.

As they pull away, slightly breathless and with swollen lips, Armie stares deeply into Timothée's eyes, moving his hand to stroke his cheek. He presses his forehead against Timothée's, closes his eyes as he runs his fingers through his hair and moans softly when he tugs on it. With a chuckle, he cradles his face, plants a kiss on his lips and then tightly wraps his arms around his body.

Timothée fixes the sheet over their bodies, but maintains one of his hands under his shirt, his warm skin sending little shivers down his spine and causing all the hairs in his arms to stand straight up. He looks down at him, kisses the top of his head and closes his eyes, slowly drifting off to sleep with Timothée on his arms and his cute little snore filling his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	14. Safe and Sound

Armie wakes up to the sound of birds chirping and the soft breathing of Timothée, whose hair tickles his neck and fingers sneak inside his shirt, grasping into his chest hair. He smiles softly, runs a finger up his spine and watches as he instantly shudders, a low moan escaping him. He arches an eyebrow, licks his lips as Timothée raises his head to look him in the eye, his lips shiny and inviting.

Timothée kisses him softly at first and swings a leg over his body, his cock pressed against his hip. Armie grips onto his hair, deepens the kiss and runs his tongue across his bottom lip before invading his mouth. The kiss grows quickly, turning into a sloppy mess as they try their very best to keep themselves quiet. It's morning and they can hear people moving outside, one mistake and they are caught.

Once they pull away, Timothée swiftly moves to straddle Armie, taking off his shirt in the meantime. Underneath him, Armie watches his movements, a smirk plastered on his face, his eyes glistening with desire. He runs his hands down Timothée´s chest, his stomach and stops just above the waistband of his pants, his fingers playing with the elastic, the quick brush of his fingers against Timothée´s skin causing another moan to escape.

He takes off his shirt, tosses to the side and then grips onto Timothée´s neck and pulls him down, kissing him hungrily as he rolls them over and hovers on top of him, his hand immediately roaming down his sides and inside his pants, cupping his cock. He strokes him lazily, lips pressed against Timothée´s to stop him from moaning.

They keep their eyes locked, Timothée´s cheeks turning a soft shade of pink as his lips turn into a perfect _ O _ shape, Armie´s hand slowly moving further down, his long fingers teasing Timothée´s hole. Armie pulls his bottom lip, gently inserts a finger inside of him and moves it slowly, in and out, drawing out gentle gasps from Timothée, whose nails are sinking into his biceps.

A few seconds pass and he inserts another finger, moving them slightly faster, scissoring them inside of Timothée, watching as he rolls his eyes, his head tilted back and sweat dripping down his forehead and neck. Armie absolutely loves the sight and a fire burns from deep within him, his cock growing painfully harder inside his pants, the need to be inside of Timothée getting bigger with each passing second.

"Please," Timothée whispers, a hand tightly gripping onto Armie´s hair, while the other rests against his chest hair. "Please."

The tone of his voice drives Armie wild, the way he makes it sound sweet and yet desperate, the voice of someone who knows exactly what they are doing, how much power they have. If there is one thing Timothée knows how to do, is take Armie to the edge.

He takes his fingers out, pulls down Timothée´s pants and then his, freeing his cock, which Timothée quickly takes hold off, jerking him off. He closes his eyes, hisses, takes in a deep breath and parts his legs further apart, nestling himself in between them. As he meets his gaze once again, Armie pushes Timothée´s hand off of him and guides his cock into his hole, rubbing it against it, chuckling at the look of desperation that takes over Timothée´s eyes.

"Say it," Armie whispers against his ear, biting his earlobe afterwards.

"Fuck me," Timothée replies almost immediately, his left leg pressed against Armie´s hip, his foot slowly sliding down his leg. "Please, fuck me."

Armie wishes he could tease him a little bit more, watch Timothée beg for him over and over again, but he knows this is a battle he would end up losing. He wants to be inside of him just as bad as Timothée wants him inside of him.

He grips onto his leg, thrusts forward and slowly enters him, kissing him before he can make any sounds. He stops once their skins touch, stays still for a good minute and then starts moving, thrusting his hips back and forth. Armie grunts, buries his face in the crook of his neck, his movements becoming faster, his face and neck turning a bright shade of red.

As Timothée bites his shoulder and licks his skin, he moves to meet his thrusts, their bodies crashing together, the sound obscenely sexy. Armie looks down at him, smiles and notices the way Timothée´s feverish body trembles under him, the signs of his orgasm -which Armie is now getting acquainted with- starting to show.

Armie quickens his pace, leaving just the tip of his cock inside Timothée before thrusting it all back again, causing to arch his back and whisper his name repeatedly. If he ever heard anything more sexy than his name leaving Timothée´s lips, Armie sure can´t remember.

And then, crashing through him like a wave, Armie feels his own orgasm taking over. He gives a few more thrusts, holds tight onto Timothée´s waist and feels every muscle in his body stiffen before he cums, filling him up. Timothée tilts his head back, nails scratching Armie´s arms as his orgasm rocks through his body, Armie´s cum inside of him the little bit he needed to reach the edge and spurt his sperm all over his stomach.

Armie sighs, painting as he falls on top of Timothée, making a mess. He chuckles, brushes his nose against his and then rolls over to the side, biting his lip as he tries to get his breathing back to normal. He looks down as Timothée moves closer, snuggles himself against him and buries his face in the crook of his neck while his fingers remain knotted on his chest hair.

He closes his eyes, taking in the moment, the way his body relaxes and the after sex bliss takes him over. He brings Timothée closer, tries to fight off the urge to get back to sleep with him in his arms, but movement outside his tent keeps him from doing so.

"Hammer?"

Armie frowns, his eyes meeting Timothée´s. It´s Catherine´s voice and he can see her hand resting on the tent.

"Yes?"

"Get up and move along. Mr. Soares wants to leave before it starts raining."

"Okay, thank you," he tries his best to sound casual, but his body is tense.

"Tell Timothée to hurry up too."

Armie chuckles as he sees Timothée´s eyes grow wide, his cheeks flushed as he hides his face in his chest. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The first rain drops fall on Armie less than fifteen minutes after they start their journey for the day, the heavy clouds filling up the sky, leaving the forest a lot darker than they are used to. Trailing back on the group, he has his hands holding tightly onto the straps of his backpack, his blue eyes up to the trees, watching how the cold breeze moves them and the rain drops leave a thin layer of water above them, which from afar makes it look like they have some sort of sparkle.

He smiles to himself, realizing the nuances of the forest on a hot sunny day and when a storm is about to hit. The beauty remains, but there's a different aspect to things now, which highlights things he might not have noticed before. Some small animals crawl the trunk of the trees, the ground becomes damp and muddy, their footsteps producing a melodic sound that amuses Armie more than he could have expected. It's incredible how everything about this place speaks to him, even the smallest of things.

Armie glances around the group, noticing Mr. Soares walking ahead, a rather serious expression of his face. Judging by the few words they spoke before their journey began, he wasn't keen on walking through the rain and feared the weather could slow them down, not to mention the fact it could attract some unexpected animals. He sighs, moves his eyes to Catherine, who is eating one of her energy bars while she listens to something Isabela is saying. He's noticed how close they have become, he also remembers the words of encouragement and support she has said to him, which makes him wonder if perhaps they are more similar than he first thought.

Finally, he gazes to the side, frowning as his eyes land on Timothée. He bites his lip, suddenly aware that he's been quiet for a couple of minutes now, which is not exactly a common behavior. While Timothée has moments he obviously wants to keep it to himself, most of the time he is highly engaged in conversation with everyone around him. He takes a step closer to him, a finger hooked onto one of his belt loops and smiles once their eyes meet.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay."

"Why are you lying to me?," he questions, arching an eyebrow. "Because I can clearly see in your eyes that there is something bothering you."

"Maybe," he shrugs. "But it's not something I want you to worry about."

"Too late."

Timothée sighs, bites his lip and turns his gaze down to the ground. Even more confused now, Armie takes a hold of his arm and pulls him back, allowing the group to move ahead of them. He cocks his eyebrows, a comforting smile on his lips as he tries to make sure Timothée knows he is there for him. They don't need to have secrets.

"Please, tell me what is going on. Is this about Catherine? How she knew you were there at the tent with me? Because if it is, you don't really have to worry, she knows about us for a while now and..."

"No, it has nothing to do with what Catherine...," he trails off, frowns and takes a quick look at the group, which keeps on walking ahead of them, before turning back to Armie. "What you mean she knows for a while?"

"She saw you walking into my tent, noticed how close we were and did the math. She promised not to tell anyone, although that's hardly a problem for me any longer."

Timothée smiles, a hand gently resting on Armie's cheek, which he strokes.

"You have no idea how great it is to hear you say that, to know you're battling your fears and allowing yourself to be true to who you really are."

"All thanks to you," Timothée shakes his head, but points in the direction the rest of the group took, encouraging them to follow. Armie nods, takes a hold of his hand and slowly makes his way down the muddy pathway with Timothée by his side. "So if Catherine isn't the problem, what is it? Did I say or do something you didn't like?"

"Armie, this has nothing to do with you," he pauses and then exudes a heavy sigh. "I saw this bird a while ago, it was Laurent's favorite and it kind of took me down a spiral, you know? Reminded me of moments I would rather forget."

"Who's Laurent?," he asks, noticing how Timothée's eyes change all of a sudden. Before he can answer though, something clicks and Armie realizes who they are talking about. "Oh, his name was Laurent."

"I'm sorry, I thought I had told you."

"You've only talked about him once and never really mentioned his name," Armie tries to smile, make the whole situation a little less awkward, but he fails.

Truth be told, he wasn't expecting Timothée's ex-boyfriend to become a topic of conversation, but he's also aware that this was something they would eventually touch upon once again. If they intended on having a true relationship, something that survived outside the jungle, they would eventually get to know more about one another and the people that surrounded them.

And as much as he thought he knew Timothée, the moment they found themselves in allowed him to realize there was still a lot for him to unpack. Since day one he had labeled Timothée as open and talkative, but now Armie realized that certain parts of his life were still a complete mystery to him.

"Armie?"

"Huh?"

"Is this too weird? Talking about Laurent, I mean, because we don't have to do it."

"No no," Armie shakes his head, finally managing to smile at him, his hand squeezing his. "We can talk about anything you want, Timothée."

"Are you sure?"

"As long as you are comfortable doing so, I don't mind hearing about him. Actually, I would love to hear more about your life, even if I had to hear about past boyfriends and other affairs."

Timothée smiles and Armie noticed his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. He chuckles, unable to remember if he had ever seen Timothée blush before.

"You look cute when you blush."

"Oh, stop."

"You do."

Timothée rolls his eyes, punches his chest and pushes him forward, making sure they don't get left behind again. Armie nudges him softly after a moment, kind eyes encouraging him to speak whenever he feels ready. The last thing he wants is to push Timothée into doing anything he doesn't want to or getting him sad over painful memories of the past.

"He loved birds," he suddenly blurts out. "His father was a biologist and he grew up surrounded by books, animals and all types of intellectuals. Ever since he was a kid he loved to join his father when he was working and ended up developing this love for birds that only grew as he got older. He would spend hours sitting in parks, a binocular and a notebook, observing the birds and making notes about it. I joined him a few times, but his enthusiasm was something I could not keep up with it, so most of the time he would go alone."

Armie smiles, his finger hooking onto Timothée's. They gaze upon each other's eyes, sharing a couple of unspoken words, something Armie never truly experienced with anyone else. While talking to Timothée was easy and usually calming, he loved the fact they did not need words to understand one another. A look or a touch sometimes was all the necessary.

"Our families became friends after my dad and his worked together for a brief moment, which resulted in us spending summer vacation together every single year until we were about eighteen, which was when we started dating. My parents loved him like he was their son, my sister played pranks and mocked him, but they were always best friends."

"I didn't know you had a sister."

Timothée glances up at him with a frown, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he nods slowly.

"I was supposed to be the open one in this relationship, yet now that I think about it, I know a lot more about you than you know about me."

Armie shrugs, tucking a curl behind his ear. "I'm sure I know everything I need to know about you, anything else that comes alone is just a bonus."

Timothée simply smiles, his hand holding onto Armie's for a moment, squeezing it as much as he can. His touch is soft, warm and yet Armie can tell there's a slight tremble. He is nervous, probably scared this conversation could somehow scare him off. Maybe he didn't realize that by now, there was barely anything that could force Armie to walk away from him.

"Her name's Pauline," Timothée says. "She's three years older than me and a true artist, not to mention one of the strongest women I have ever seen in my life. She has always been my best friend and confidant, she was the first person I told I was gay to and then she encouraged me to talk to my parents about it."

"She sounds like a great girl."

"She's the one who introduced me to your books too, you know?"

"She's definitely a great girl," Armie smirks, nudging him softly. "I mean it though. If the smile in your face when you talk about her is any indication, she's a great woman and I am lucky you had someone like her beside you growing up."

"She'll love you," he adds all of a sudden, much to Armie's surprise. "I know she will."

"I would be honored to meet her."

"You will meet her," Timothée fires back, a hand holding onto Armie's as he turns to face him. "I won't be letting go of you so easily, you should have noticed that by now."

Armie nods, rests a gentle touch to Timothée's cheek and smiles. But behind his smile, he can't help but wonder more about Timothée's relationship, how the abrupt and traumatic end impacted on his life.

"Can I ask you something?," as Timothée nods, Armie gulps. "You don't have to answer."

"What is it?," he asks, his voice filled with encouragement, his green eyes kind. "You can ask me anything."

"Do you still love him?"

The words hang in the air as the rain intensifies, soaking their clothes and damping their hair. Timothée frowns, swallows dryly and bites his lips, but his eyes never truly leave Armie's. Meanwhile, Armie finds this voice inside of him saying he should have kept himself quiet, that he has made things awkward and now there is no going back.

"I will always love him," Timothée answers almost in a whisper. "He was my first love, someone I shared a lot of moments with and I will never be able to forget him."

"Of course," Armie nods, trying to put on a smile. He clears his throat, gets back to walking, his boots sticking to the muddy ground. He stops when Timothée grips his arm, pulling him back to him. "What?"

"But that doesn't mean I'm still stuck in the past, because I am not. I have moved on, I have found people that have interested me after his death, I have flirted and found myself on the verge of giving myself to someone else. I held back though, I didn't want to rush anything or do things before I was fully certain of what I felt."

"Are you trying to say..."

"You're the first man I've been with ever since he passed away. You're the only man I have truly wanted to be with ever since he passed away."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"What difference would it make, Armie? I wanted you and I still want you, that's all that matters."

Armie nods, a smile on his lips as Timothée leans on his tiptoes and cradles his face, kissing him softly.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The rainy day sure helped cool down the temperature, which Armie truly appreciated, but the downside of it all was the way the humid ground slowed them down and caused the walk to be a lot dirtier than they were used to. The bottom of his pants in particular were now a dark shade of brown and the wet spots clinged into his skin, making him slightly uncomfortable.

Despite that, so far the day had been quite enlightening, and his conversation with Timothée left him even more optimistic for their relationship once they left the forest. Not that Timothée had not made it clear he wanted more than a fling, because he had, but for some reason, the words exchanged by them earlier had touched Armie in a different way.

There was more to them than simple attraction. They had a connection he couldn't quite describe it with words, but he could feel it deep inside his heart and bones, and it made him feel like never before.

He hears footsteps and immediately looks up, an inevitable smile appearing on the corner of his lips at the sight of Timothée, who hands in a banana. He nods in his direction, takes the banana in his hand and moves slightly to the side, giving him enough room to sit down beside him.

Once he is settled, Armie lets a hand rest down his knee, squeezing it softly. Timothée meets his gaze, smiles fondly and rests his head upon his shoulder. The last three days he had allowed himself to be bolder, not care about the eyes their interactions could attract. Mostly because it was already clear that most of the group was aware they were more than simple friends, but also because Armie didn't want to hide anymore.

Whether people liked seeing them together or not, that was their problem, he was no longer going to suppress his desire to touch or be near Timothée to please anyone. He had submitted himself to a life of hiding for way too long, now it was time for him to live out his truth and he was so glad he was doing it with Timothée by his side.

As Timothée sits down straight, Armie takes a bite of the banana, his blue eyes following his every move. He frowns as he reaches for his wallet, opens it and takes a small square from it, staring down at it for a good minute before he hands over to him. When he realizes it's a photograph, Armie can´t help but chuckle, taking it in his hands so he can have a better look at it.

"These are my parents and my sister," he explains, smiling up at Armie, his finger gently playing with a strand of hair near his neck. "Our conversation earlier made me realize how much I miss them, it also reminded me that I won't be seeing them for a while."

"They live in France?"

"Yes," he nods, taking the photograph back in his hands. "We all moved to France after I graduated high school, there´s where I had all my photography courses and really practiced the skill. My parents love New York and have fond memories of it, but I guess they don't see themselves living there anymore."

"What about your sister?"

"My sister´s an actress and always has something up her sleeve, so she's constantly going from Paris to London, sometimes when we least expect she has her bags ready and is going to Berlin without even a warning. Pauline belongs to the world, there´s no taming her or keeping her in one place."

"I like her more and more with every single thing you say about her."

"She's truly incredible and a force of nature, she doesn't take no for an answer and always goes after what she wants."

"You´re not that different then," he winks as Timothée shrugs. "I mean, you didn't give up on me, did you?"

"There was no reason to give up on you, Armie."

"Ummm...I can be quite complicated."

"All human beings are complicated, some are worth the trouble, some are not. You, my friend, are very much worth it."

Armie smiles, gently strokes Timothée´s cheek and then reaches out for his back pocket, pulling out a small photograph too, which he hands it over to him. He watches as Timothée´s eyes light up and chuckles, nodding his head when he looks at him in wonder.

"I was about ten when this was taken," he explains. "For some reason, whenever I am away from them I have this photograph with me."

"I can totally see the resemblance with your father."

"Yeah, I´ve been hearing that my entire life."

"You were the cutest kid ever."

"You sound like my mom," Armie laughs as Timothée nudges him. "But thank you, I guess."

Timothée bites his lip, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink as he hands the photograph back.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"C´mon, what is it?"

"You think they would like me?"

Armie stares down at him, the words implying he wants to get to know them, that he wants to be introduced to his family, but his nervousness also shows him he cares a lot about what they would think of him. His whole body warms up with the thought and he squeezes Timothée´s hand, before intertwining their fingers.

"They will love you."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Armie stops by his tent, grabs his water bottle on his backpack and drinks down from it, nearly finishing all of its content in three long gulps. He sighs, pushes some of his hair back and stretches out his arms and legs, feeling the knots that start to form on his muscles, not to mention the cracking of his knuckles.

The rain might have helped with the heat, but certainly made their journey a lot harder throughout the day, which resulted in most of the group being quite down after such tiresome hours walking through the forest. Armie in particular was more than happy to be spending the night in his tent, where he would be able to stretch out his legs.

The one thing he certainly wouldn't miss from the Amazon was the odd sleeping ways they had to endure, and Armie promised himself that he would stay away from any hammocks or tents for at least a couple months. He had suffered enough.

"Mr. Hammer."

Armie turns around as soon as he hears Mr. Soares´s voice, a gentle smile on his face as he sees the man standing just a few inches away from him, his eyes kind and in his hands a small package.

"Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," he assures Armie with a quick nod. "I just wanted to give you this."

Armie frowns, but takes the small package in his hands, inspecting it for a few seconds before he turns his attention back to Mr. Soares, who chuckles.

"My organization doesn't work only with expeditions, we also have seminars and workshops, we teach children more about the forest, we try our best to get our community included in all of our experiences and one of those is the production of pencils, made with the trunks of trees that have fallen around the forest."

"And you're giving it to me? Why?"

"Armie, I have been doing this for fifteen years now and it´s not often that I find people like you in these expeditions. Someone who´s so open to all the adventures, who is kind and tries his very best to make it a pleasant experience for everyone involved. I can see how the forest affected you, clearly in a much deeper way than the others and it reminded me of me, when I first walked into this forest and how it made me feel. Since you´re a writer and I know you like to draw, thought you'd like this gift."

Armie swallows dryly, not entirely sure of how to react to the words he has just heard. Mr. Soares has been an incredibly kind man ever since day one, open to all types of conversation and Armie only reciprocated the best way he could. Biting his lip, he opens the package, taking one the pencils out and bringing it closer to his eyes, inspecting every little corner of it, noticing the patience and care that was taken to create it.

"Thank you, Mr. Soares, this is incredible."

"I hope you´ll make good use of them."

"I sure will."

"You´ve been a very valuable asset in this expedition, Armie, we rarely have people like you among us, but I am glad we were able to meet."

"Trust me, it's been an honor to do this with you, Mr. Soares. You've teached me a lot and I can´t even express into words how much I´d like to thank you."

"Knowing you enjoyed this trip, that you connected with the forest, is all the thank you I need," he smiles, taking Armie´s hand in his. "I hope you know that we´ll be glad to welcome you back here."

"That's good to hear, because I do plan on coming back."

"Next time you stay with us at the institute, learn a little bit more about how the organization works. I am sure everyone would love to have you there."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Soares. I came here looking for inspiration and I leave taking so much more with me, I owe you that."

"You owe me nothing, Armie. The changes that might have happened within yourself, the inspiration you got and whatever else you are taking with you, it's between you and the forest."

Armie nods, a gentle smile on his face as Mr. Soares pats his shoulder before turning to leave. He sighs, inspects the pencil one again and chuckles to himself, still dumbfounded by how lucky he is to have been part of this expedition.

"How does it feel to be Mr. Soares´s favorite."

There´s a mocking tone in Timothée´s voice and Armie can´t help but laugh as he turns to face him, who stares back at him with arms crossed and a smirk plastered on his face.

"And before you question me, I don't see anyone else getting a goodbye present."

"There's still two days ahead of us, maybe yours will come."

"I´m not his favorite though," he mocks, chuckling as Armie rolls his eyes. "But I have to admit the man knows how to choose his favorites, because you´re as good as it gets."

"So many compliments in such a short period of time," Armie mumbles while entering the tent, holding the mesh door open for Timothée to follow. "I don't think I can handle all of this."

Timothée chuckles, sits down on the ground and kicks his shoes to the side, moving his toes back and forth. Armie zips down the tent door, sits across from him and places his feet in his lap, massaging it gently with his hands.

As Timothée closes his eyes, a small and content smile on the corner of his lips, Armie watches him and can´t help but wonder if he will ever be able to look at him and not be completely enamored. Every line in his face, every curl of his hair, everything is beautiful and Armie could easily stare at him for days on end.

"Can you believe by this time tomorrow we will be sleeping in a boat?," Timothée speaks after a few minutes of silence, peeking at Armie through one opened eye. "Hammocks, tents and now a fucking boat."

"Are you apprehensive about it?"

"Aren't you?"

"Do you get motion sickness or something?"

"No, it's not about that," he crunches his nose, shrugging his shoulders. "It's the simple fact we´ll be spending so long inside a boat in the middle of the river, with no sort of communication or anything."

"How is it any different than what we´ve been doing here?"

"Well, here if anything goes wrong, I can always run away from danger. But inside a boat? What am I supposed to do if anything happens? There's no way we can jump in the water not knowing what we can..."

"Are you afraid of piranhas?," Armie asks between chuckles, earning a glare from Timothée.

"I liked you more when you didn't have a sense of humor."

Armie shakes his head, takes off his shirt and shoes, tossing them to the side along with Timothée´s. He then lies down, bringing Timothée with him, his strong arm tightly wrapped around his slim torso. He kisses his hair, strokes his arm and smiles when Timothée runs his fingers up and down his chest, often tangling his fingers on his chest hair.

"I promise you I won't let any piranhas get close to you."

"What about anacondas?"

"We´ve faced one already," he recalls, squeezing Timothée´s arm. "But I will keep them away from you too."

Timothée raises his head to face him, his hand resting against his cheek as he smiles.

"What?"

"I know you´re talking bullshit right now," Armie laughs. "But somehow I feel extremely safe when I am with you, I hardly ever feel that way with anyone else."

"Look, I might not be able to save you from an anaconda, but I would do my best."

"You saved me from a jaguar, maybe I should give you more credit," he shrugs, leaning his chin against Armie´s naked chest.

Armie nods, runs his fingers through Timothée´s curls and then grabs his chin, pulling him closer so he can place a kiss on his lips. He smiles as he immediately deepens the kiss, his hands holding onto his waist, his legs tangled with his.

That's how they remain for the rest of the night, bodies pressed and legs tangled, sharing sweet kisses, but also talking and laughing. When the temperature drops, Armie swiftly pulls the sheet over their bodies, his arms keeping Timothée even closer to his until they both grow silent, sleep taking them over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	15. Forever With You

Armie wakes up to an empty tent and the murmur of people talking outside, his eyes still heavy and his mouth slightly dry. He stretches out, rolls onto his stomach and buries his face into the little pillow, trying to find the strength to push himself up and face yet another day of walking through the forest under the scorching Sun.

As soon as that thought comes to mind, Armie also realizes that this is in fact their last day on land, wandering through the ancient trees of the Amazon. As of this afternoon, they will be embarking in a boat, which will take them down the Amazon river and back to the village they first started their journey.

It's odd to think of all this coming to an end, of him parting away from the people he had the pleasure to meet during the last fifteen days, of turning his back on a place that allowed him to reach into a part of himself he for so long thought was dead and gone. Apart from some mild unpleasantness, mostly caused by Mr. Rodriguez, Armie had nothing but great memories to take with him, things he would remember for the rest of his life.

Suddenly, overwhelmed with the memories, Armie wonders if he will even be able to readjust himself to life in his little studio apartment and the constant noise of New York. He will miss the quietness he could sometimes find in the forest, the sight of animals all around him, fresh fruit and even the Sun.

With a smile and dedicated to live out the best of the remaining hours they have in the forest, Armie rolls over and pushes himself up, taking some clean clothes with him. He stops outside the tent, inhales deeply and then slowly exhales, the fresh air and constant breeze filling his lungs and making him feel even more alive.

He smiles at some of his companions, greets Mr. Soares and Catherine, who are chatting by the fire and then walks over to the river, searching for the most secluded part. He takes off his shorts and his shirt, tosses them to the ground and rushes over to the water, diving head first. He gasps for air once he emerges back, pushes his hair back and looks out to the land, watching as the group divides themselves into cooking breakfast, writing, cataloging whatever information they got in the last twenty four hours or simply fixing their tents.

He dives back in, giving it a couple strokes before he turns in his back, floating for a few minutes. The sky is back to a bright blue, no clouds in sight, but dozens of birds flying from one side to the other, their chirping soundtrack to such a calming and loving morning. As he continues to swim in the river, washing away his sweat and the remains of sleep, Armie spots Timothée on the distant, arms crossed and a large smile on his face as he watches him.

With a gentle nod, he encourages him in, smirking as he shakes his head, nose crunched and a beautiful little smile on the corner of his lips. He waves him in, smirking once Timothée finally gives in and takes off his pants and shoes, tossing them to the side before running to the water, diving in and swimming over to him.

"No piranhas just yet," Armie says when he finally reaches him. "You'll be safe."

"Well, thank you very much for ensuring my safety, Hammer."

"I said I would, didn't I?"

Timothée nods and Armie wraps his arms around his waist, pulling him down with him. With eyes wide open and a teasing smile on his lips, Armie pulls Timothée closer, kissing him softly under the water. He moves his hand up to his neck, holding onto it as he slowly deepens the kiss, breaking away only when they are forced back to the surface for air.

Timothée bites his lips, eyes closed and cheeks flushed. Armie marvels on the sight of a wet Timothée in his arms, his curls falling down his forehead, framing his beautiful face. He tucks a few curls behind his ear, runs a thumb across his bottom lip and then gently plants a kiss, feeling his nails dig into his skin under the water.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


It's eight thirty when they finally make it out of camp, taking with them not only all of their belongings, but also memories of the last camping ground they would share while inside the forest. In a matter of hours, the group would meet with the rest of Mr. Soares´s crew, which would be waiting for them with the boat that would take them back to the city. While they gathered their things and headed through the trees, it was easy to see the moment was bittersweet; while they were all obviously tired of the intensity of the journey, they were all connected with the forest, some more than others, but all leaving a piece of themselves behind.

Armie himself feels like a big chunk of himself is being left behind, the sadness of leaving the forest behind already weighing on him, even if there´s still a few hours to go, hours which he promised himself to take full advantage of. He wouldn't let anything take away his attention, he would devote himself solely to his surroundings, feel the animals and the trees in his pores, like he was one with the place.

With a sigh, he allows his eyes to gaze up to the sky, a wide smile on his face as he spots a large bird fly by, its colors bright and intense.

He turns to his side and spots Timothée with his camera in his hands, a serious expression on his face as he aims the camera around, snapping photo after photo. Armie can tell how seriously he takes his job, the attention he pays to the details, making sure he builds on the best composition he can. After seeing him for fourteen days, learning more about him and his love for photography, Armie seriously can´t wait to sit down and take hold of all of these photos and see the result of Timothée´s work.

"Wanna try?," Timothée suddenly asks, removing the strap of the camera from around his neck and handing it to Armie, who frowns. "The camera is not going to bite you, Armie."

"Very funny," he rolls his eyes, earning a chuckle from Timothée. "I'm simply not really good with this."

"You don't have a camera at home?"

"I do, but a very simple one, which I barely use."

"Well, that's a shame."

"I don't think so."

"Are you trying to tell me you don't keep any photographs of the places you´ve been to? Like, there's absolutely nothing you have to keep as a souvenir?"

"I have plenty of things," Armie smiles, tapping against his temple. "All of them are perfectly stored in my head, diaries and books."

"Okay, that's kind of cute."

Armie chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.

"I never felt the need to have actual things to remind me of places or people, since I was a kid, I learned to keep the good things in my head, where I could access them at any point, anywhere. I am taking a leaf and the pencils Mr. Soares gifted me."

"A leaf?," Timothée asks as Armie nods. "You´re like a freaking unicorn, aren't you?"

"Is that a good thing?"

Timothée chuckles, nodding his head as he wraps an arm around Armie´s, keeping him close as they follow the group down the dirty pathway.

"It's a great thing, Hammer. It means you are unique, there's no one like you in the world."

Armie nods, a smile on his face as he glances down at Timothée, who keeps a tight hold onto his arm.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The Sun is high up in the sky when the group reaches their final stop of the journey, a small glade near the river. The water is darker in this area and a few birds fly close to the surface, dipping their beaks into the water from time to time, refreshing themselves from the heat. Standing a couple feet away from the water, Armie drops his backpack to the ground, stretching his arms and hearing the crack of the knots that come undone. He sighs, takes a few sips of water and then hands the bottle to Timothée, who gladly takes it in his hand.

While some people wander around the area, Armie sits down on the ground, arms wrapped around his legs and chin resting upon his knees. He inhales deeply, taking in the fresh air with a smile on his lips. He notices Timothée take his camera out, snap a couple of photos of their surroundings and then of his, chuckling as he does so. With so much around them, Armie can´t understand why Timothée would waste his time with him.

"Stop it," he pleads, looking over his shoulder at Timothée, who rolls his eyes. "Seriously, stop."

"You have any idea of how photogenic you are, Hammer?"

"Did you forget about the whole camera thing?"

Timothée scoffs, shaking his head as he takes a seat beside him. "No, I didn't forget the whole camera thing, because while cute, I really can´t fathom why someone would do such a thing. Anyway, you are incredibly handsome and the camera loves you, so learn to deal with it, because there is no way I'm going to stop taking photos of you."

Armie shakes his head, about to say something when movement in the river catches his attention. He frowns, kneels down on the ground and squints his eyes, trying to see something clearer despite the intensity of the Sun. From the corner of his eyes, he notices as Timothée mirrors his movement and quickly glances at him, an inquisitive expression on his face.

"Did you see the same thing I did?"

"Something moving on the river? Yeah, I did."

"What was it?"

"I have no idea, but I am..."

"Guys, we have company," Mr. Soares claims, hands in his hips as he turns to the group, a large smile on his lips. "If you guys come closer, you´ll be able to see a few alligators that have decided to come out to eat."

Armie glances at Timothée once more and then quickly pushes himself up, curiosity filling his eyes as he rushes closer to Mr. Soares. He stands quietly, eyes attentive to the movement in the water, watching in awe as about five alligators crawl out of the water to the dirt, big eyes moving from one side to the other.

"Are they dangerous?," Timothée questions, camera in hand.

"They are hardly a threat to us, but I wouldn't advise any of you to get too close. Remember, respect is one of the most important things here in the forest. If we keep ourselves in our place, they will stay on theirs and everyone will go one with their lives afterwards."

"It's called Jacaretinga, right?," Catherine asks, a notebook in her hand and her eyes wide in amusement. "I've read about them, they are not really long or natural hunters."

"You´re right," Mr. Soares nods, glancing over at her. "They feed on small animals, mostly who end up wandering towards them. They are quite common around here, but unlike others in other regions of the country, these won't grow longer than six foot."

"They are kind of cute," Timothée shrugs as Armie shoots him a look. "They are."

Armie chuckles, nodding his head.

"Whatever works for you."

"C´mon guys, we still have about an hour of walking before we reach the boat," Mr. Soares claps his hands and then gestures ahead, grabbing his backpack and swinging it over his shoulder as he leads the group.

Armie sighs, grabs his backpack from the ground, swings it over his shoulder and waits for Timothée to reach him, walking side by side as they follow the group, the alligators now being left behind.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The Sun is shining bright in the sky, reflecting down upon the river and causing its dark water to sparkle. On the land, which spreads like a swamp for a couple of miles, snakes of a variety of sizes and species crawl through the mud, roll up the tree trunks and hiss into the quiet afternoon. Docked on the makeshift harbor, which consists of a long and flimsy wooden gangway, is the boat that's going to sail them back to the village, where civilization and their normal lives await.

Standing in between the group and the gangway, Mr. Soares explains exactly how the next twenty five hours are supposed to go, the route the boat will take and what they can expect to see while sailing the dark waters of the Rio Negro. He ensures their safety, acknowledging the troubles of their journey, but also the fact the crew responsible for them has been doing this for years and is more than capable of handling any situation they might find themselves in.

With all the information given and a welcoming smile on his lips, Mr. Soares leads the group down the gangway and into the boat, which sails away almost immediately. With a cool breeze on their faces, the group gathers on the prow of the boat, photographers snapping photos, while the rest of the group quietly observes their surroundings.

Armie in particular is transfixed by the sight of all the snakes that roll up a tree nearby, their skins glowing whenever the Sun hits them. He smiles absent-mindedly, carving the sight into his brain, hoping he will later on be able to translate everything into the paper. He glances over his shoulder once a hand rests upon his back, his smile growing as he sees Timothée standing there, sweat beading down his forehead, his curls slightly damp.

He smirks, pushes some of his curls back and then turns back around, holding tightly onto the banister as he leans himself forward, watching as the boat creates small waves on the dark water of the river. He had heard about this river on his research about the Amazon and was slightly intrigued by the idea of a dark colored water, although he has to admit he pictured something a lot more fantastic.

Then again, he is a writer and will make anything a lot more pompous than they normally are.

"I already miss this place," Timothée whispers, arm brushing against Armie´s.

"Trust me, I understand."

"I know you do, I haven't seen anyone connect to this place the way you did, to be honest. From day one I could tell there was something about the forest that spoke to you in a different way than it did with the rest of us, it's quite beautiful to see, you know?"

Armie smiles, glancing over at Timothée for a moment.

"It's funny how we never truly know how much something can affect us, right? No matter how much I wanted this place to bring change into my life, I could never see it play out the way it did."

"Extreme situations can lead to extreme changes," Timothée explains, nudging him softly. "Although, I have to admit, I think this whole experience was more about finding the strength within yourself than anything else."

"You´re not wrong," he admits. "At first I felt even more scared than before, but as I allowed myself to feel things truly, I understood that there was no point in lying anymore. No matter how much success I could achieve, I would never be completely happy without being true to myself."

"I´m proud of you," Timothée whispers, laying a hand on top of his. "After everything you told me, after seeing the fear in your eyes, I am so happy to see you moving forward and finding the will to be who you always wanted to be. Who you were always meant to be."

"I have to thank you for that."

"Me? No, not at all."

"Yes, you. Seeing you, being with you, it inspired me to become the person I always wanted to be, so I have to thank you for that."

Timothée stares at him for a second, then eventually shrugs his shoulders, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Fine, I suppose I can take credit for that."

Armie chuckles, takes his hand in his and plants a quick kiss on it, intertwining their fingers together afterwards. He sighs in contentment, eyes moving along to watch their surroundings, the beautiful afternoon sky above them.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


"Hey there," Catherine smiles, taking a seat beside Armie.

"Hey," Armie swiftly replies, glancing at her for a moment before turning his attention back to the view ahead. The Sun is just about to set, an inebriating mix of colors in the sky, which reflect upon the river and create a view that is nearly breathtaking. "Happy to be going back into civilization?"

"Happy that I will be getting back home, but sad that I will be leaving this place."

"I can understand that," he chuckles. "I feel like that is the general sentiment around these past few days."

"Yeah, but I like to keep in my mind that although I might be leaving, the forest itself will never leave me. The things I´ve learned here, what I´ve seen and experienced, it will always be engraved in my brain," she smiles, taking in a deep breath. "I think we are all sad for leaving, but once we do, we will realize that is not actually over. I mean, all of us have some sort of project based on the things we´ve seen here, so tomorrow is not the actual end of the journey, just the end of this chapter."

Armie frowns, but allows a smile to spread across his lips as he nods his head. He glances at Catherine, who arches an eyebrow, chuckling at the way he looks at her.

"What?"

"Nice words."

"Well, thank you very much."

He nods once more, then grows silent, staring back ahead while he intertwines his fingers. Biting his lip, Armie debates on whether or not to ask something that has been eating him away for days now, but that he has been way too afraid of being intrusive to do so.

"May I ask you something a little bit personal?"

"Sure," she shrugs. "I might not answer, but you can always ask."

He chuckles, earning a little smile from her.

"A few days ago you said something to me that made me realize you might understand my situation a lot better than most people would, as if you had been through the very same thing before. And while I know it's not my business, I had to ask, are you..."

"Yes," she answers before he can even finish. "And you are right, I have been through something similar. I found someone I loved, I wanted nothing more than to be with her, but everyone around me made sure to tell me, over and over again, that if I stayed with her, my career would be over."

"And what did you do?"

"I shut myself down, allowed fear to take over me, to dictate my actions," she swallows dryly, her eyes moving down to her hands. "But luckily enough, I soon realized that what I was doing was more harmful than anything else I had ever faced before. So I told the truth, faced my fears and allowed myself to be happy with the person I wanted to be, the person I loved. I fought for her just as much as I fought for my career, and I now have both and I can honestly say I am a happy and complete woman."

Armie stares at her speechless, the tone of her voice, the look in her eyes and the way she carried herself while telling him this. She truly was a remarkable woman and he was glad to have met her at such a crucial moment of his life.

"You´re an incredibly brave woman, Catherine."

"Thank you," she nods. "But you're not that different."

"I beg to differ."

"Armie, you came here to find yourself, or at least a part of yourself you had lost. You faced your fears, allowed yourself to dive deep into a relationship that took you off guard, learned that sometimes safety doesn´t necessarily mean happiness and then, if that wasn't already enough, you fought for your life. You are a lot braver than you give yourself credit for, Armie."

A small smile appears on Armie´s lips, although he has absolutely no idea of how to deal with the things he has just heard. He could tell by her tone she was being genuine, that she cared and was truly happy for all he had accomplished during the last fourteen days.

With a sigh, Armie turns to face Catherine, taking her hand in his and squeezing it softly. "You´re a truly great friend, Catherine, and I hope our relationship doesn't end once this is all over."

"Only if you want it to," she assures him, laying her other hand on top of his, a genuine and large smile on her lips. "I'm honored to have someone like you in my life, Armie, and I look forward to learning more about you and with you."

"Thank you."

"Thank you."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The moon shines bright in the sky, illuminating the night and guiding the boat through the dark waters of the Rio Negro. The animals in the forest hum, hiss and sing, crawling and walking through the trees, hidden among the leaves and dirt. The boat sails slowly, creating waves on the river that stretch out to the sides, a beautiful and soothing sight.

Inside the boat, most of the group is already asleep, peacefully tucked inside their sleeping bags. Apart from the sailor, Armie is the only one who remains awake, stretched out in the seat, his arms crossed and his eyes distant. He takes in a deep breath, a smile stretching across his lips as a cool breeze hits him, a few strands of hair falling down his face.

The quietness of the night is something he had been craving, because while he loved to be surrounded by such an amazing group, sharing stories and experiences, he only had a few more hours inside the forest and he was wishing for a moment like this, a moment of peace and silence.

He closes his eyes and leans his head back, allowing himself to fully immerse in the moment, the sounds around him filling his ears. He sighs, opens his eyes once he hears footsteps and smiles as he finds a sleepy Timothée making his way over to him, rubbing his eyes and pouting.

He doesn't say a word, simply plows down on the seat, snuggling as close to him as he possibly can, throwing a blanket on top of their bodies. Armie watches him with amusement, but remains just as silent as he is, sliding a hand around his waist and planting a kiss on his forehead when Timothée leans his head against his shoulder.

He feels his hands wrap around his torso, keeping his body close as he nuzzles against his neck, inhaling his scent and squeezing his waist. Armie chuckles, reciprocates the squeeze and then lifts up his chin, planting a very quick and soft kiss on his lips. Once Timothée goes back to leaning his head against his shoulder, Armie allows his eyes to wander back ahead, the motion of the boat and the beautiful view so peaceful, he slowly finds himself drifting off to sleep.

And as he has learned the last fourteen days, sleeping with Timothée in his arms is infinite times better than sleeping on his own. His heat, the softness of his skin and the sweet sound of his breathing while asleep calm him.

Luckily, he won't have to go back to sleeping on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don´t forget to follow [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for more content.


	16. What The Future Holds

It's not even six in the morning when the Sun reaches the sky, shining bright behind the clouds that slowly dissipate in the bright blue sky. The boat maintains its steady pace, slowly sailing through the dark waters of the river, passing through trees, plants and flowers, crossing paths with every single animal one could imagine.

Most of the group is still in their sleeping bags, the gentle sway of the river helping maintain a calm environment, which is highly propitious to sleeping in. Laying on the poorly cushioned seat, Armie slowly wakes up, a loud grunt escaping him when he feels pain shot through his entire body. At thirty years of age, the last thing his body needs is him sleeping in such a horrible position, but as anyone can agree, sometimes we just can´t control our body.

He blinks at the brightness of the day, frowns and then glances down at Timothée, who´s hair tickles his neck and his tight grip keeps him from moving around. He smiles though, the warmth of his body against his everything he could ever ask for. He plants a soft kiss on the top of his hair, strokes his arm softly and then tries his best to sit up straight, scratching the back of his neck.

Timothée moves against him, grabs onto his shirt and then sighs loudly, his sleepy green eyes finding his. Armie smiles, tucks a few curls behind his ear and then leans forward to plant a kiss on his lips, chuckling as Timothée moves back and shakes his head, his nose crunched.

Armie nods, understanding exactly what he means and pulls him closer again, kissing his cheek before they both sit up straight, stretching out their arms and legs. Armie cracks his knuckles, rolls his shoulders and moans softly as he feels his muscles relax slowly. Thank God they won't have to wander through the forest today, otherwise he would be in serious trouble considering the amount of pain that he feels throughout his whole body.

He licks his lips, stands up and glances around him, a smile once he notices a flock of birds fly by. There´s a cool breeze that hits from time to time, the water moving is soothing and he spots some fishes swimming alongside with the boat, a sight he barely ever had the chance to see.

He smiles when Timothée´s hand rests upon his shoulder, his body close to his as they both take their time to watch their surroundings, marvel in the beauty of the forest. Footsteps catch their attention and they quickly turn around, finding Mr. Soares standing just a few feet away, a wide smile on his lips and a couple of bags on his hands.

"Good morning," Armie greets him, rushing over to help him with some of the bags. "Need any help?"

"I definitely won't deny it," he nods, rushing over to a plastic table and setting the bags on top. He takes off some of the contents, spreading around as Armie does the same, taking a good look at basically every single thing he takes in his hand. "Our friends made sure to bring us some treats, so our breakfast will be slightly different today."

"Oh, I look forward to eating something other than maniocs."

"Yeah, it can get tiring after a few days, but lucky for you, in a matter of days you will be back to your usual breakfast and all the things you love."

"And I will probably think of how much I miss maniocs," he laughs along with Mr. Soares, but frowns once he notices a jar filled with some brown liquid. "What is this?"

"Tamarindo juice," he explains, handing Armie a cup. "Wanna try?"

Armie nods, pours some of the juice and then takes a sip, licking his lips as he tries to fully absorb the taste of it. It's tasty, refreshing and slightly sour, a mixture that he doesn't often find anywhere else in the world.

"So?"

"It's really good."

"What is good?," Timothée asks while joining them. As Armie hands him the cup, he takes it in his hand and inspects the liquid for a moment, bringing it closer to his nose to smell it before he can actually take a sip of it. "Oh, this is interesting."

"That's one way to describe it," Mr. Soares pours himself a cup, takes a few sips and then sighs, his contagious smile never leaving his lips. "I can´t wait until we are back at the hotel and you guys see the lunch we have prepared for you. You´ll have the change to try some of the best food we have in the country and I am sure you will all love it."

"You´ve been selling that lunch so much, I can´t wait until it is actually in front of me."

"It will be worth it, Mr. Hammer, trust me."

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


The village starts to come to view at around midday, the Sun now shining bright in the sky and the heat so intense it is nearly impossible to stay anywhere where there isn't shade. The colorful houses blend in with the vegetation, the wild animals become more scarce and people can be seen in the distance, whether admiring the boat that approaches or wandering through the streets, most of them with kids under their arms.

By now most of the group has accepted the end of their journey and have resorted to simply appreciating their surroundings, notebooks, recorders and cameras put away. Timothée on the other hand, remains with his camera around his neck, snapping photo after photo, making sure to register every single second of their journey and every new sight they come around.

If Armie didn't already know how much he loved what he did, this would be the moment of truth. From the chair he is sitting, guarded from the scorching Sun, he smiles, his eyes on Timothée the entire time. He can't help but wonder how their relationship will shift once they are back in New York, if the city will drag them apart or if it might bring them even closer. Timothée hasn't been in town for a few years, and while the main attractions all remain the same, he would love to be able to take Timothée around and show him his favorite places.

They could sit down at King's Coffee, one of his favorite coffee shops, and talk while drinking something to keep them warm during the cold days. Or maybe wander around Central Park, Armie pointing out the little hidden spots he found out when he was still a kid. Perhaps Timothée would appreciate sitting down at his small studio apartment, drinking some wine and going through the manuscript of his latest book.

The possibilities were endless.

As Timothée glances at him over his shoulder, a wide smile spreads across Armie's face. He wiggles his eyebrows, rolls his eyes when Timothée aims the camera towards him and snaps yet another photograph. By now Armie has lost count of how many photos of him Timothée must have taken, specially because he knows many of them were taken in moments he didn't even notice.

When the boat starts to slow down, Armie glances to the side and notices as Mr. Soares stands up and exchanges a couple words with his sailor. Soon afterwards, he is walking in their direction, his warm and gentle smile in full display.

"We're about to frap' and I would like to say a couple of words," he starts, eyes wandering around the group, who grows silent. "I have been working with expeditions through the Amazon for over ten years now, every group is different, every person reacts to their surroundings in their own unique way and that is what makes the experience so exciting for me. This group has truly been one of the best ones we ever had, your enthusiasm and curiosity challenged me to be a better guide, to learn along with you and I thank you all for that."

"Thank you, Mr. Soares," Isabela says, taking his hand in hers. "I think I speak for the whole group when I say you were the best guide we could have asked for. You taught us a lot, helped with everything we needed and kept us safe. We will never forget you."

"I will never forget any of you either," he nods. "And I hope we can see one another in the future."

Armie glances over at Timothée, a smile on his face as he leans his hand on his shoulder and gives him a quick wink. He nudges him playfully, his attention swiftly drifting away when the boat comes to a stop at the harbor. He sighs, suddenly overwhelmed with nostalgia and melancholy. It's all over.

"Would you guys like a little tour around the village before we head back to the hotel?"

"I would love that," Timothée quickly says, squeezing Armie's arms in the process.

“I think it's a great idea," Catherine agrees, nodding her head.

"Great, then let's go."

As they exit the boat, Mr. Rodriguez passes by them, a serious expression as he mumbles something to himself. Armie and Timothée exchange a quick look and chuckle, shaking their heads.

"If there's one thing I will definitely not miss about this trip is that guy."

"Even though he was an ass most of the time, he was responsible for one of the best moments I had in this trip."

Armie frowns. "Which moment?"

"The look in his face when you confronted him? That was priceless and something I will never forget."

As Timothée shrugs, Armie lets out a chuckle, following him out of the boat and down the gangway.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Armie walks down the long and dark hallway, his mind immediately going back to the day he arrived in Manaus, how Mr. Soares led him through that same hallway, the wooden floor creaking under his feet. Back then, the place was only a hotel, some sort of shelter until the true adventure started; but now Armie had created a bond with the place as well, after all this is where everything started.

It was in this hotel where he had his first contact with his new friends and a brand new chapter of his life started, not to mention, it was in the very same room where he is now walking into, that he met Timothée and became enchanted by him. He didn't even notice back then, but the memories he had created there, even if few, were extremely important to how things developed inside the forest.

Standing by the door, Armie observes the place, a smile growing on his lips as he sees the open doors to the balcony, the beautiful sight of Manaus coming to view. He crosses the room, takes in a deep breath as he reaches the balcony, his hands gripping tightly onto the rail. He wished he had more time, that he could stay a few more days and get to know more about the city, its citizens and Mr. Soares's organization. He wants to help, get involved with the place as much as he possibly could.

He smiles, walks back into the room and takes a seat at the edge of the bed, his eyes finding Timothée, who is leaving the bathroom. It doesn't take more than a minute for him to hop on his lap, fingers sliding down his hair, lips planting soft kisses all over his bearded jaw. Armie closes his eyes, tilts his head back slightly and rests his hands on Timothée's thighs, which he rubs and squeezes.

"Feels nice to have a bed, huh?," Timothée teases, hands sliding down to Armie's chest, pulling the open shirt down his arms and exposing more skin. "Imagine all the things we could do in it."

Armie smirks, gripping onto his waist and bringing his body even closer. He lays a few kisses on Timothée's shoulder and then his neck, his beard tickling him and causing a little giggle to escape him. Armie marvelous at the sound and while he nibbles on Timothée's earlobe, a hand slides down to his ass, which he gives a quick slap.

"Tired of having to have sex standing up?," he whispers, much to Timothée's amusement. "Or was the splinter that left you slightly worried? One of those in the wrong place and..."

"Stop it," Timothée says in between chuckles, hitting Armie's chest. He bites his lip, hands cradling his face as he brings him in to a soft and slow kiss.

Armie kicks off his shoes, tightens his grip around Timothée's body and then gets up, stumbling around the small room until he reaches the bathroom. He kicks the door close behind him, sets Timothée down to the ground and pushes a curl back, watching as a smile appears on his lips.

"Where we first met?," Timothée whispers, his smile turning into a mischievous grin. "Feels right that we end up back here, huh?"

"Yeah, it does," is all Armie says before dragging Timothée under the shower with him, the cold water cascading down their clothed bodies as they kiss.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


It's nearly seven thirty and the hotel, which was quiet for most of the afternoon, has now erupted in conversation, laughter and soft brazilian music. The group is gathered in the largest room of the building, where the meals are usually served and a large table to the left is filled with food and drinks, an oasis after so many days stuck in the forest.

Armie and Timothée are the last ones to join the group, coming down the stairs with wet hair and loose smiles on their lips. Armie has his hand resting on Timothée's back and often leans closer to whisper something in his ear, making him laugh and roll his eyes. They walk straight to the food table, eyeing up every single option they have and doing their best to decide on what to get first. Armie grabs a plate, a wide smile on his face as he sees some pasta, which he proceeds to put it on his place, adding a bit of sauce on it.

He glances at Timothée, who's biting on a french fry, a frown on his face as his eyes wander from his eyes to his plate. Armie chuckles, shrugs his shoulders and then moves along the table, adding a chicken thigh into his plate, his mouth already salivating. While he was extremely pleased with every single thing they had in the forest, being able to eat something other than manioc, fish and corn seemed like true paradise.

He grabs a glass, pour himself some wine and takes a sip, a loud sigh of contentment escaping him. He licks his lips, follows Timothée to one of the tables and sits in between him and Catherine, smiling over at her. He takes the chicken thigh in his hand, takes a bite of it and moans softly, the food way too good for him to stick to stupid conventions. Not only that, they had spent two weeks with one another, eating with their hands, bathing in rivers and ponds, this was nothing.

"Is this the special meal Mr. Soares had prepared for us?," Timothée questions, licking his lips as he leans back on his seat.

"No, the special meal is tomorrow's lunch," Armie explains, wiggling his eyebrows. "And if I was already excited about it, now I'm even more."

"I saw him hand a list down to one of the cooks, it seemed extremely long, so I guess we're in for a treat," Catherine winks. "But I'm simply glad we have something other than manioc to eat, to be honest."

Armie chuckles, nodding his head. "Trust me, I know the feeling. I'm also craving a nice burger, not going to lie."

"Gosh, I can't wait to go back to New York, the burgers there are just incredible."

Catherine laughs, leaning her elbows on the table. "Well, guess one thing we take away from this experience, is that no matter how much fun we have, we will always miss the things we are used to. Be the food, shower or our bed."

"Any bed, in my case," Armie shrugs, earning a little chuckle from both Timothée and Catherine. "What about our interview, when do you plan on doing it?"

"You two are headed to New York, so if it's not too much to ask, I'd love to sit down and talk tomorrow morning."

Timothée shrugs, "fine by me."

"Tomorrow morning seems perfect."

"Thank you," she nods, a genuine smile spreading across her face. "Are you guys excited to be back in New York?"

"I'm happy to go back home, even though I loved every second of this experience and am sad it is over. But I miss my parents and I know my mom must be really scared, so I'm looking forward to seeing them."

"I haven't been in New York in almost four years," Timothée bites his lip, sighs and then smiles. "So I can't wait to see what waits for me over there, how different it will be from the last time I visited. I have high hopes for this period I´ll be there," he explains, a hand laying on Armie's thigh.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The hotel has gone quiet as did the city, the moonlight shining bright on the night sky and entering the room through the slightly open balcony doors. Armie is lying in bed, the sheets covering half of his naked body, his hair a mess and his blue eyes stuck to the ceiling, watching as the fan slowly spins around. He sighs in contentment, a smile spreading across his lips as he thinks of all the amazing moments he had the past fifteen days.

He glances down once he hears the bathroom door open and bites his lip, watching in silence as Timothée walks over to the bed, his naked body glistening as he angles himself in the perfect position so the moonlight hits him. His curls are also a mess and his lips are still slightly flushed, a darker shade of pink taking them over. He is absolutely stunning, beautiful in every possible way and Armie sometimes can't really understand how he got so lucky to have someone like him in his life.

He shifts to the side so Timothée can join him in bed, pulls the sheets to his body and then wraps his arm around his waist, his face buried in the crook of his neck, taking in his scent. He hears a soft giggle escape Timothée, his hand resting above his, fingers gently playing with his. It feels so good to be in bed with him, feel his warmth and smell, find comfort in his touch like no one else could ever provide him. Timothée is a gift life had for him and Armie plans on taking full advantage of that.

"Where exactly in New York are you staying?," he whispers, planting a kiss on Timothée's neck.

"My family has an apartment in Hell's Kitchen, so I'll be staying there."

"Hell's Kitchen?," Armie asks more to himself than anything else. "That's an interesting location."

"Is it close to yours?"

"A few minutes away, but on walking distance," he explains as Timothée turns around in his arms, his hands resting on his beard. "But even if it wasn´t, I'd find a way to reach you."

"Would you?"

"Of course I would."

Timothée smiles, leans closer to plant a soft kiss on Armie's lips and then buries his face in his chest, his arm wrapped tightly around his manly waist.

"I can't wait to have you all to myself," he whispers. "And wander around the streets of New York with you, get to know more about your world, see things through your eyes, visit your apartment and perhaps see how the mind of a writer works."

Armie lifts his chin, his thumb gently caressing his bottom lip. "I've been thinking the exact same thing, wondering what places I could take you to, how I could show you exactly what makes New York feel like home to me."

"I'll let you take me wherever you want to go."

"That's a dangerous thing to say, Chalamet."

Timothée shrugs, his eyes focused on Armie, who studies his features. "I don't know what danger is when I'm around you, all I know is that you make me feel alive, that you empower me somehow and I feel like together we can accomplish so much. The Amazon brought us together, but I can't wait to see what New York has in store for us."

"Hopefully, nothing but the best."

"Only the best."

Armie nods, plants a kiss on his lips and then sighs, keeping Timothée in his arms as they slowly drift off to sleep, the distant sounds of the streets of Manaus their lullabies.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


It's still dark when Armie finds himself awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling as Timothée sleeps peacefully next to him, his legs tangled with his, his arm resting on his chest. He glances down at him for a brief moment, a smile forming on the corner of his lips at such an angelic sight. He tucks a curl behind his ear and then as gently as he can, Armie moves his arm away from him and slowly gets up, doing his very best not to wake him up.

He heads to the balcony, the cool night breeze hitting him and he inhales deeply, eyes closed for a brief second as he contemplates the moment. Is incredibly quiet and Armie swiftly finds himself immersed in his own thoughts, blue eyes distant as he thinks of the future and what life has in store for him now that this chapter is about to end. He broke away from his shackles, allowed himself to get in touch with the most vulnerable side of himself and shared his fears with others, something he hadn't done in many years.

But there was still a lot to come. Armie knew since the beginning that his acceptance was only a small part of the whole thing, because once he did come clean and allowed the world to know about him, there were other problems that he would have to face. His manager and his publisher all made sure he knew his sexuality would be a problem and for years, he allowed them to dictate what was best for his life and his career.

Now it was time to change things around, it was time for Armie to take a hold of the wheel and lead the way. Whether they would follow him or not, that was their problem to deal with, he simply wouldn´t allow anyone else to tell him what to do or what to feel. And sure, the thought of him taking charge of everything was slightly scary, there was no denying that, but if he did learn something in the last fifteen days, was that he is a lot stronger than he believed himself to be.

With a sigh, Armie runs his fingers through his hair, pushing some of the blond strands back. He walks back inside the bedroom, leaving one of the doors open and reaches for his backpack, taking his notebook and pencil from it. He walks over to the wooden desk, takes a seat and puts on his glasses, biting his lip as he starts a brand new entry of his diary.

He loses himself in the words, not even noticing the time that goes by until he feels a hand on his shoulder and the gentle touch of Timothée´s lips against his cheek. He turns to the side, a small smile on his face and takes Timothée´s hand in his, kissing his palm.

"Why are you not in bed?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"We really need to do something about that," Timothée whispers, before turning to sit on Armie´s lap, his hands on his beard. "You want me to prepare you some tea? Mr. Soares said we could use the kitchen any time of the day."

"There´s no need for that," Armie assures him, his thumb caressing his neck. "I just needed to get something out of my head and writing seemed to help."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, I was just thinking of the future. I have some very unpleasant conversations coming my way, I need to prepare myself."

"Luckily for you, I will be there to help you through it."

"I couldn't ask for anyone else by my side while I go through this."

"I want you to remember that you are worth it, just the way you are, Armie. If your manager, the publishing company and your readers can´t see that, they don't really deserve you."

"Thank you."

"You can count on me."

"I know," he nods. "And if I even dared to try and break away from the fears of my past, it was because of you, so I thank you for that. I´ll always be thankful for that."

Timothée smiles, sliding his fingers down Armie´s hair as he pulls him closer, planting a soft kiss on his lips. He gets up, grabs Armie´s hand and leads him back to the bed, lying under the covers, their arms wrapped around each other´s body.


	17. Bid Farewell

The hotel is still mostly silent when Armie and Mr. Soares walk back in after a walk around the neighborhood, the smell of coffee and bread coming from the kitchen and spreading across the whole lobby. They share a quick glance and a smile, before Mr. Soares gestures towards the kitchen, earning a quick nod from Armie, who heads up the stairs and down the long hallway towards his bedroom.

He yawns, stretches out his arms and cracks his knuckles, removing the already open buttoned down shirt he was wearing. Why he insisted on putting them on even though he already knew about the constant heat of the city was beyond him, but maybe some habits were a lot more difficult to break. He runs a hand through his hair, pushing some of the stray blond strands back and enters the bedroom, expecting to see Timothée still asleep in bed.

Much to his surprise, he is already up and staring down at the city on the balcony, his curls blowing slightly with the breeze, his hips pressed against the banister and his pale skin in full display as he stands there only on his boxers. Armie stays in place for a minute or two, just contemplating the sight ahead of him, wondering how on earth did he get so lucky to find someone like Timothée.

With a smile on his face, one he simply can't control when in his presence, Armie crosses the room, makes it to the balcony and slides his hands down Timothée's back and then his waist, keeping his body close on a backwards hug. He kisses his shoulder, neck and then cheek, pushing some of the curls back so he can look him in the eye.

"Where were you?"

"I woke up a little early, walked down stairs to get some water and found Mr. Soares. He offered to take me around the neighborhood, so we were exploring a little bit over the last fifteen minutes. There are some incredible places nearby, great architecture, but sadly Mr. Soares told me they are not very well maintained."

"Why didn't you wake me up? I'd love to be part of this little adventure."

"You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to interrupt your sleep," he explains, fingers playing with the elastic of Timothée's boxers. "But if you want, we could go visit some places in between breakfast and lunch."

"That sounds like a good idea," Timothée smiles, turning around on Armie's arms, his hands resting on his chest. He grabs onto his t-shirt, pulls him closer and presses their lips together, kissing him slowly at first, but quickly building up the pace.

Armie smiles through the kiss, his grip around Timothée tightening, his tongue invading his mouth as if it was the very first time. He presses him against the banister, a hand sliding down between them to cup his cock, which he rubs through his boxers. A low moan escapes Timothée, his nails sinking onto his shoulder as he presses himself against his hand, earning for more friction. Armie smirks, moves his hand to his ass and allows a finger to slide down his crack, teasing him.

"Armie," his voice cracks and his breathing is labored, the shivers that go through his body so intense he trembles from head to toe.

Armie presses his forehead against his, his eyes dark with lust, but the passion and care he has for Timothée are still visible there. He pecks his lips, slides his hand down his arm and takes his hand in his, fingers intertwined as he leads Timothée back to the bedroom. He stops in front of the bed, drops to his knees and ever so slowly pulls down his boxers, his blue eyes staring back at Timothée the entire time.

His hand finds its way around his cock, which he pumps slowly while laying kisses down his thighs, the little whimpers that escape from Timothée music to his ears. He cups his balls, massages them for a minute, his tongue shamelessly swirling around the head of Timothée's cock. He takes him inside his mouth, bobbing his head up and down, his large hands never leaving Timothée's smooth skin, which he rubs, grips and sinks his nails into it.

When Timothée's legs start to tremble, Armie raises to his feet, holding tight onto his waist while he buries his face in the crook of his neck, kissing the region as their bodies come closer together. He pulls away, stares down at Timothée for a moment and smiles, laying him down in bed. As Timothée stares back at him, swollen lip trapped in between his teeth, Armie takes off his clothes, throwing them to the ground before climbing on top of him.

Timothée slides his hands down his bare chest, hooks a leg around his hip and pulls him closer, a little cheeky grin on his face as Armie winks, their cocks rubbing together. He nestles himself in between Timothée's legs, his fingers swiftly finding their way back to his hole, teasing and prepping him. Timothée moans his name, eyes closed and head tilted back as he basks in the pleasure Armie's fingers can give him. When he grips onto the sheets, face flushed and hips moving to meet Armie's thrusts, Armie quickly removes his fingers and lines up his cock against his entrance, rubbing the slick head against it.

Timothée pulls him closer, wraps both his arms around his neck and kisses him passionately, their tongues rubbing against one another, exploring each other's mouth with so much gusto, it might seem like their lives depend on it. Slowly, Armie pushes his cock inside, inhaling deeply with each inch that goes in. He hears as Timothée gets louder with each thrust, his own hips moving to meet Armie's tempo, the synchrony between the two of them something that many don't get even after years together.

Like puzzle pieces, they connect in every possible way, bodies and minds working as one. Their moans echo in unison, the sweat of their skin mixes together and with each passing second they get closer to the edge. When Armie feels Timothée shiver and his thighs tremble, he intensifies his speed, hitting him exactly on the right spot. As he cums, arching his back and biting his lip to suppress a loud moan that would for sure be heard around the quiet hotel, Armie watches him with amazement.

He follows him shortly after, the muscles of his ass tightening as he finds himself filling Timothée with his cum. He collapses on top of him, panting as he feels Timothée's fingers gently stroking his sides, his lips planting kisses all over his shoulder. As Armie raises his head to look at him, they exchange a quick smile, before embracing one another.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


It's past eleven when Armie and Timothée leave the San Sebastian church, in the heart of Manaus, the Sun shining bright in the sky. Armie is only wearing his white t-shirt, his hair slicked back and sweat beads forming on his forehead, while Timothée is on the verge of taking off his shirt, his curls a damp mess.

Despite the heat and how it drains them, they have been wandering around the city for nearly two hours, exploring every little corner, visiting museums, stores, churches and historical sites. Timothée, as Armie had expected, took his time in each place, snapping a dozen photos of nearly everything he saw, the smile on his face as he came across something new, so enchanting and contagious.

"This place makes me feel so nostalgic," Timothée says, glancing over his shoulder to look at Armie. "Is it weird to feel that way? Almost as if I am connected to this place somehow, in a way I can´t really express, just feel."

"Maybe you lived here in another life," Armie shrugs, hands inside his pockets as he takes a few steps closer to Timothée. "Or maybe your ancestors come from more places than just France and America, you might even have a lost cousin rummaging around town."

Timothée chuckles, shaking his head as Armie nudges him, a little smirk on his face as he winks down at him.

"What? You don't think that's possible?"

"Anything is possible," Timothée answers him, shrugging his shoulders. "But somehow I doubt that is the case, Mr. Hammer."

"Well, as a writer I have the tendency to fantasize things, but I'm sure you have noticed that."

"I have," he turns to face him, eyes wandering around them before he lays a hand on Armie's chest, a smile spreading across his lips. "And I find it inspiring, but also really cute."

When Timothée reaches closer to pinch his cheeks, Armie shoots him a look, laughing. He wishes he could wrap his arms around him right now, kiss him deeply and take his hand as they roam around town, but they are no longer in the forest and he doesn't know the place or people well enough to do something like this. While he no longer wants to hide himself, Armie is aware that not everyone will be understanding as their companions in the expedition. Sadly, there's a lot of Mr. Rodriguezes out there in the world.

"Hey," Timothée's soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts, his green eyes slightly worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"The world and us," he gestures ahead and Timothée nods, walking beside him as they make it down the street, walking past a couple kids and teenagers. "I find myself wondering what life has in store for us all the time, you know? I worry about the obstacles we are going to face, the people who might turn their back on me, who might try to use you to get to me and..."

"Hey, why don't we take one step at a time?," Armie nods, watching as Timothée sighs, the look on his face telling Armie so much about what he truly feels. "Life is gonna be tough, that's true, but we both have been through some complicated things and made it out of it. Just remember how much you learned about yourself the last fifteen days, Armie, remember how strong you are and that I will be by your side for as long as you want me."

"You have any idea how bad I want to kiss you right now?"

"Probably just as much as I want to kiss you," he winks, playfully punching his chest. "C'mon, before we do something crazy, why don't we head off to that little gift shop we saw back there, I want to take a little souvenir."

"I should probably buy something for my parents too."

"I'll help you choose."

"Of course you will," Armie says in a rather condescending tone, which makes Timothée gasp. "What? I'm one hundred percent sure you're gonna get distracted seconds after we enter through that door."

"You know what? I liked you more when you were all shy and kept stuttering around me."

"I never stuttered," Armie protests, feeling his cheeks flush a little as Timothée shoots him a look. "I didn't."

"Of course you didn't."

* * *

  
  


Armie sits on the edge of the bed, the bright light from the sun coming in through the open doors of the balcony and shining a light all over the bedroom. He has his eyes distant, thinking back to everything that happened in the last two weeks of his life and how it has changed him, shaped a new version of himself, one he had been trying to be for so long.

In a matter of four hours, he will be heading to São Paulo and officially closing this chapter of his life, but ready to start a brand new one. One where he will be free, more in touch with himself and filled with ideas and inspiration to make his work even more pleasurable than it was before the expedition.

He had his doubts in the beginning, even thought of giving up for a brief second, but leaving everything behind and going to Brazil, experiencing the Amazon forest with a group of unknown people, it was the best thing he had ever done for himself and he was absolutely, one hundred percent sure of that now.

Distracted by the creak of the bathroom door, Armie raises his gaze to find Timothée standing there, hip pressed against the wooden desk, arms crossed, a small smile on the corner of his lips and green eyes aimed directly at him. He cocks an eyebrow, watches as Timothée chuckles and gets up, pulling him closer to him, their lips pressed together in a quick and sweet kiss.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing," Timothée shrugs. "I just find it amusing how easily you get lost in thoughts, but I guess you have so much going on in your head, sometimes it's easier to focus on those things than on what's happening on the outside world."

"My thoughts can be very loud sometimes."

"Can they?"

"Yeah, like the one that kept telling me you were simply being nice to me and I was projecting things."

"Glad you didn´t give that one much attention," Armie crunches his nose, tilting his head to the side slightly and Timothée laughs, his hands cradling his face, his thumb gently stroking on his beard. "Okay, maybe you gave more attention to it than you should, but it all worked out in the end, didn´t it?"

"It definitely did."

"That's all that matters then."

Armie nods, plants yet another sweet and short kiss on Timothée´s lips and then wraps an arm around his shoulder, smiling as he leans his head against him. He kisses the top of his head, gives his shoulder a little squeeze and leads him out of the bedroom and down the hallway. 

They can hear voices downstairs, as well as the sound of music and the delicious smell of food. They exchange a quick look, then rush down the stairs, joining the rest of the expedition group in the ample room where they usually have breakfast. There, they find Mr. Soares talking with two of the botanists who joined them in the forest, but their focus quickly falls upon the large and robust table by the left corner, which is filled with so much food, Armie doesn't even know what to look at first.

"He wasn't joking when he said he had a feast prepared for us," Armie chuckles, glancing down at Timothée, who has his eyes open wide. "And we probably never heard of even half of these things."

"I guess that's the true beauty of it? Explore brand new things, which we don't have any inkling of what it might taste like."

Armie nods, grabs onto Timothée´s arm and pulls him with him towards the table, his blue eyes sparkling like a kid on Christmas morning. He runs his finger through the table, squints his eyes as he tries to read some of the words in the little tags in front of each plate and pan, but finds it useless. His notion of portuguese hasn't improved at all in the last few days, so he knows there is no way he will figure out what any of these things are by trying to read.

"What are you gonna try first?," Timothée asks, biting his lip as he leans forward, taking in the scent that comes from a large cooking pan. "Because I definitely got my eyes on this, which I am fairly sure is feijoada."

"And you are absolutely right," Mr. Soares says before Armie even has the change to answer Timothée´s question, his smile so bright, it is hard not to smile too. "What do you two think of our feast?"

"Everything looks incredible, Mr. Soares, I don't even know where to start."

"Well, allow me to help you," he winks, gesturing to the table. "We have pão de queijo, which is undoubtedly one of the most popular snacks in the country; it's originally from the southeast region, but has been popularized and there's no place in this country you can go and not find it in some shape or form."

"I think I heard about this one before," Armie explains, taking one in his hand and taking a bite. He frowns, then finds himself staring at Mr. Soares with wide eyes, completely taken by the snack, which is chewy, soft and has a delicious hint of cheese. "This is like small bread made of cheese, right?"

"Something like that, it´s made with manioc starch."

"And the manioc comes again to haunt me," Armie mumbles, making Timothée and Mr. Soares laugh.

"Moving on, as Timothée rightfully guessed, we also have feijoada, which is probably the most famous dish of the country. We also have some steaks made in the form of our tradition barbecue, fried manioc, polenta, roasted chicken, a few variations of fish that come from all over the state, farofa, which is one of my favorite things ever and I have a feeling you will enjoy it too," he nudges Timothée. "It goes great with feijoada, just so you know."

"Thank you for the tip."

"We have some desserts waiting for you too, everything from chocolate mousse, to sweetened rice, manioc cake, corn cake and a dozen more things."

"I don't even know if I can fit all this inside of me."

"Try a little bit of everything, just to make sure you don't regret later on. You can also prepare a little to go package so you can eat later tonight in São Paulo."

Armie chuckles, nodding his head. "I like that idea."

"We have some drinks too over there, most of them juices made from some of the most popular fruits here in the country, such as tamarindo, passion fruit, cashew and acerola. But we also have a little treat for you all," he turns on his heels, reaches for two small glasses and fills it with something that looks like lemonade. He adds a few cubes of ice and hands the glasses over to Timothée and Armie, who look from him to the glass, slightly confused. "I am sure you have heard of caipirinha before, right?"

"Obviously," Armie says and swiftly takes a sip of the drink, feeling it burn down his throat. "Wow, it's strong... and weirdly refreshing."

Mr. Soares nods, letting a soft chuckle as he watches Timothée drink, a sigh escaping him afterwards. He arches his eyebrows, waiting for him to say something and smiles as Timothée nods frantically.

"It's incredible, what is made of exactly?"

"Lemon, sugar, ice and cachaça, an alcoholic drink made from sugarcane."

"It's so good," Armie licks his lips. "Now I know why it is so popular."

"I like to think we only have the best of the best here," Mr. Soares says proudly. "Now why don't you two go around and taste a few things, I´ll go talk with some people and then I´ll come back to see what you thought of it."

"Thank you for this, Mr. Soares," Timothée smiles, holding onto his hands. "It's seriously amazing."

"You´re welcome, it was a pleasure to prepare this for you all."

"Thank you," Armie says before Mr. Soares walks away from them, joining Isabela in conversation with one of the photographers. He turns to face Timothée, who is pouring more caipirinha into his glass and chuckles as he shrugs. "So, where do we start?"

"I don´t know about you, but I am definitely going for the feijoada."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Armie stands in front of the balcony, a small smile on the corner of his lips as he stares out at Manaus, the sun still high in the sky and the streets crowded with people. He exhales, a hand landing on the wooden door as he finds himself flooded with memories, his heart tightening against his chest. So much happened in the course of sixteen days, so many emotions he went through, the internal struggles he had to fight with to finally get to a point of his life where he could be proud of himself and let go of the fear that suffocated him.

He is free now and while aware that this is just the beginning of his new journey, Armie is happy to be where he is. He isn't going to allow anyone or anything to dictate who he should be anymore, nor try to make decisions for him when he is the one who has to live with the consequences of it. For once, Armie is aware of his strength and he won't let it be suppressed again.

He sighs, takes one quick look around the bedroom and grabs his backpack on the bed, swinging it over his right shoulder as he makes his way out of the bedroom. He stops by the door, eyes landing on Timothée, who is waiting for him at the hallway, arms crossed and a gentle smile on his lips. He walks over to him, tucking a curl behind his ear and leans down to kiss his lips, smiling when Timothée holds onto his shirt, keeping him close for a minute longer.

Armie winks down at him, takes his hand and walks down the hallway, stopping by one of the doors. He knocks, leaning against the wall as he waits for it to open, biting his lip. As he hears footsteps, he straightens himself, a smile appearing on his lips as the door opens and Catherine stands there, her big green eyes wandering from Timothée to Armie.

"You guys are leaving already?," as Armie nods, Catherine sighs, a sad smile on her lips. "I wish you guys could stay a little longer."

"Our flight to Sao Paulo leaves at five, so unfortunately we can't stay any longer."

She nods, "I wanted to thank you guys for taking the time to talk to me this morning, I loved hearing about this experience through your own words and I can't wait to put it all on paper."

"We loved talking to you, Catherine," Timothée assures her, a smile on his lips. "We also loved to go through this experience with you."

"Trust me, having you two with me throughout this whole thing was really incredible. I have felt a great connection with both of you and I enjoyed every single moment we spent together."

"Thank you," Armie says, taking her hand and kissing it. "You have helped me through a lot of my struggles, your kind words and gentle smile has been a comfort the past two weeks. You became the friend I always wanted to have by my side, so thank you for everything you've done for me, intentionally or not."

Catherine shakes her head, a couple of tears forming in her eyes. "You don't have to thank me, Armie, I did what any decent human being should do. You're a great man, you deserve happiness and I hope you fight for it from now on."

"I will," he assures her.

"And you," she says while turning to look at Timothée. "Take care of him."

"I will," he winks, bringing her into a hug. "Thank you for saving my life, Catherine."

"I barely did anything."

"You went out there to look for me, you didn't have to, but you did and that shows how great of a person you are."

Catherine shakes her head, planting a quick kiss on Timothée's cheek. She sighs and looks back at Armie, a little smirk forming on her lips.

"I better be featured on that next book of yours, Hammer."

"Oh, you and Timothée have a spot on it for sure, no need to worry."

"I'll take that as a promise," she winks as Armie chuckles, nodding his head.

"When do we get to see you again?," Timothée wonders, leaning against Armie, his arm wrapped around his. "Because this can't be a goodbye."

"I have some work related business to deal with in New York in about two months, so maybe I'll get to see you guys there?"

"Definitely," Armie nods. "You call us and we'll do everything we can to see you."

"Okay, I'll do that."

Armie sighs, eyes wandering around the hallway for a brief moment, before he turns back to Catherine. "We have to go now, but I look forward to seeing you again."

"Right back at ya."

Armie smiles and pulls her into a quick hug, placing a kiss on her cheek. As he turns around, he lets out a heavy breath, walking down the hallway with Timothée by his side. He makes it down the stairs in silence, his heart beating faster, emotions running wild. He spots Mr. Soares by the front door and catches a breath, smiling as he turns to them, sporting his usual amicable eyes and gentle smile.

"I heard you guys called a cab."

"Yeah, sadly it's time to go."

"I have to say, I never felt so sad to say goodbye as I am right now. You guys have been two of the most incredible, kind and intelligent people I had the pleasure of meeting and it was a privilege to be with you throughout the last two weeks."

"Mr. Soares," Timothée sighs, taking a step closer to him and grabbing his hand in his. "Thank you for all you taught us, for the way you dealt with everything that happened while we were in the forest and most importantly, thank you for saving my life."

"Timothée, you're an incredible young man, always remember that."

"Thank you."

A car honks outside and they all turn to look, watching as a cab parks in front of the hotel. Armie glances at Timothée, who simply nods and grabs his backpack, giving Mr. Soares a quick hug before he heads out of the hotel. Armie sighs, watching him walk into the street and then turns back to Mr. Soares, tears already forming in his eyes.

"Thank you for allowing me to experience all of this, Mr. Soares. My life changed the moment I stepped into this hotel and you, your kindness, your approach to things and people, it's one of the reasons why I allowed myself to break through the shackles that kept me locked into a past I didn't want to live in any longer. Maybe I will never be able to explain to you how important this trip has been, but I sure as hell hope I can come back and talk to you more about it, reminisce about the moments we spent in the forest."

"You´re welcomed here at any time, Armie."

"Thank you."

"And remember, you´re taking a part of the forest with you. Take good care of it and the memories will forever be engraved in your mind."

Armie nods. "Can you try and take care of the part of me that will stay here?"

"Gladly."

"See you soon, Mr. Soares," he says while giving him a tight hug.

"See you soon, Armie."

Armie steps back, takes one last glance around the hotel and then makes his way out into the sunny and busy street of Manaus. He takes in a breath, finds Timothée a few feet away from him, leaned against the car and with his sunglasses on. Armie smiles at himself, suddenly filled with joy and excitement. While it's incredibly sad to leave Manaus and eventually Brazil, he absolutely can't wait to see what awaits him back in New York.

He walks over to Timothée, who opens the door and gets in, leaving it open for him. Armie stops by the car, his blue eyes wandering around, taking in every kid that runs by, every tree and building he can land his eyes on. This place will forever be engraved on his mind and heart, no matter what might come his way.

"Hey, you alright?"

"I'm great," Armie gets in, closing the door and leaning back on his seat as he nods, his eyes finding Timothée. "Ready to get back home, see my parents, write and enjoy life."

"It's nice to see you like this," Timothée smiles, landing a hand on top of Armie's. "So full of life and ready to face the world."

"Are you ready to face the world with me?"

"More than you'll ever know."

Armie smiles at him, wishing he could kiss him right then and there, but the look in their eyes is enough for the moment. They will have so much more to live, so many moments together where they will be able to do and be whoever they want to be, one less kiss won't kill him. It will only make him more appreciative of the next one, and all the other ones that are bound to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And their journey comes to an end...sort of.  
> I wanted to thank you all for coming along with me in this journey, for commenting and sharing your love for these boys and their story, it truly meant the world to me and I will never be able to fully express just how happy every comment makes me.  
> Don´t forget to check [The Amazon Diaries](https://theamazondiaries.tumblr.com/) for one last entry to Armie´s diary.


End file.
